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After gaining another two pounds, I'm finally tired of flipping out. I've snapped. This is it.
My body is clearly giving me a message. Something's gotta break, and it's about my to be my spirit if something doesn't change immediately.
After two weeks of trying 1000/day and weekends at 1500, I found that method to be a failure. Some constipation and high salt days lead to a 5 pound weight gain that is still with me and I'm at my wit's end.
So I'm backing off to maintenance calories to get my head straight. It may take a month, it may take two, but I am not giving up. I'll log, I'll choose some crappy foods from time to time, but I will not go crazy and I will do my best to stay within maintenance calories.
I want everyone to know I'm still on track, I just need a rest from the breakneck pace I've been at for 10+ months. I'm short-tempered, I'm not a nice person lately in my real life, and I don't like who I've become obsessing about food, my diet, my calories non-stop. Life sucks, and this isn't what I want or how I want to live.
My birthday is coming up in about 3 weeks and I want to be able to go out with friends. I won't go crazy, but I also won't deprive myself, either.
Let me make one thing crystal clear: IF IT WAS STILL LOSING WEIGHT, I WOULD HAPPILY DEPRIVE MYSELF! Being on a restricted calorie diet stopped working back in May (for no good reason other than metabolic resistance), and I really don't see the point in keeping that up through my birthday if it ain't working!
Going from 1100/day to 1500/day had the same result, so why not do 1500/day, right? My body was convinced I was starving, so it got all efficient at 1100. When I went to 1500, it got lazy again. When I went to 1000, I lost weight for 2 weeks, then it stopped again.
I'm sick of the see-saw. I'm going to stick to 1500 for a while, or until I'm tired of being at the same weight. I won't say when, I just know that what I'm doing now isn't making me happy and something has to change. Right away.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it. It's so sad, too, because for so long, I was such a big believer in Calories in/Calories Out (CICO). And no, I can't do Atkins. The doctor said my liver numbers won't allow it.
Anyway, thanks to all for the support. I'll get there. With 60 pounds still to go, I'm nowhere near ready to quit, but I need a rest. It would have been damned nice to see 199 before my body crapped out, but you can't have everything. Prepare for a very long flaaaaaat line on the old weight chart, folks. Here it comes.
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94.8 kg
Lost so far: 32.2 kg.
Still to go: 27.2 kg.
Diet followed: 100%.
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1056 kcal
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Fat: 48.99g | Prot: 55.04g | Carbs: 78.06g.
Breakfast: CVS Sugar Free Gummy Bears. Lunch: Bananas. Dinner: Denny's Hash Browns, Thomas' Original English Muffins, Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Fried Egg, Bacon (Cured, Pan-Fried, Cooked). more...
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Gaining 6.4 kg a Week
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1 to 20 of 32
 Comments
Break time! I'm with you, MM. I've been doing this for one year and six months. Time to rest and recuperate. Maintain if I can!
26 Jun 14 by member: Deb_N
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I understand completely. Although I haven't been on this journey for as long as you, and haven't lost anywhere near as much, I too am tired of obsessing. I know what it would take to maintain and I have considered taking a break and just maintaining as well. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get to feel a bit freer and happier. Enjoy the break.
26 Jun 14 by member: gilliansings
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A lot of us have hit the same damn wall as you and drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out what we're doing wrong or what we need to do. I went for 6 months without losing on the scale. I changed up diets too many times. Week before Christmas I said, to hell with the diet, it's the holidays and I'm going to enjoy myself. Did for almost 2 weeks. Ate whatever and told myself I'd jump back on the wagon on December 27th. I did. I gained 4 lbs. Lost those and lost another 5 after that. Do what you've got to do. We're horribly hard on ourselves, particularly after you've lost oodles of lbs and have more to go. Mental health break. Enjoy your birthday and friends.
26 Jun 14 by member: ClassicRocker
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I do understand, but you're going to find the closer you get to your goal, the slower your weight will come off and the more plateaus you will hit. I know you're doing great with your exercise program, but start using weights if you aren't already. That may be the kick start you need. I've been yo- yoing the last 10 or so pounds for months now, however my measurements are smaller. Right now I am building muscle while trying to lose weight, which can be a little tricky, but can be done. It becomes a lifestyle, I no longer think of it as deprivation. I chose this now. I still have those days when I misbehave, then I get right back on. I started my journey 3 years ago, and if it takes another 3, those last 10 are going! Good Luck! Don't beat yourself up. You're doing great and its human to vent once in a while. You will do this!
26 Jun 14 by member: Barbara4572
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The most important thing is to enjoy life, no matter what the scales may say! I'm not sure what kind of diet you are on, I only started my first diet yesterday but I have read a lot about calorie counting and how over all it does not help you to loose weight as there are clearly good calories and bad calories so 1 does not equal 1 in this case.
I'm trying the Dukan which specifically tells you not to count and to eat as much as you like of the right foods. Perhaps you could look at some other options that might better suit you and see if you get a better result.
10+ months is a long time though, you should be proud of yourself for that alone! Stay smiling!
26 Jun 14 by member: LifeWithoutSugar
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LifeWithoutSugar is absolutely right! All calories are not created equal as they'd like to have us think. Eat clean, don't obsess over counting. Sure I usually have an idea of what I eat, only because I used to really be good about logging my food for the day. But if I eat 1200 calories of breads, sugar, etc, my body reacts a whole lot differently than if I eat 1200 calorie of chicken, veggies and fruit. Just a thought.
26 Jun 14 by member: Barbara4572
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Barbara has a great point. Do the exercise routine as you have been. I'll bet you'll be shocked and ecstatic about the strength gains you make. That will lift you up. You're awesome MM. I can't say how many times you helped me stay focused 'back then'. You know what I"m talking about.
26 Jun 14 by member: northernmusician
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You have done great, and I know you will continue to do so. I think you are exactly where I was when I started the trust fall (no weigh in) challenge. I have been on this journey for 15 months now, and have lost just over one hundred pounds. It hasn't been flawless. Like you I would have stalls, and even perfect weeks that ended in a gain on the scale. It was disheartening and it really pissed me off. Some of the best losses I have had have come after a nice long break. Not a free for all binge, but not a calorie restricted diet either. Just live for a while, stay active and eat reasonably with no restrictions. When you are ready to jump back into a more restrictive mode I think you will get those awesome losses again. Check out my weight graph, plenty of plateaus and breaks, even a few gains. You will get there, this happens to the best of us! Now put it away and get back to enjoying life. Weight doesn't define us. :)
26 Jun 14 by member: Annabelle3117
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I feel I need to explain further for those who do not know my whole story, and I apologize if this sounds defensive as this is not my intent, but you deserve the full story. Barbara and Life, boy do I know that a calorie isn't a calorie. I invite you to read my food log for the past 10 months (except maybe this week, as it's not an good indication of my choices). But all together, you will see NOT ONE SUGAR CALORIE and very few "carby" carbs. My carbs are mainly fruit and the rare taco shell. Hardly any bread or gluten (one english muffin per week, max). I eat chicken, tomatoes, watermelon, pickles, eggs, broccoli. Almost nothing I eat has a label you can read! I COMPLETELY gave up refined sugar (and still plan to abstain) 267 days ago. That means no brown sugar or honey, either. I only get sugar from fruit, and no artificial sweeteners, either. No caffeine, NO ALCOHOL. So, yeah. I've been riding the razor's edge for a long ###ing time and maybe now you see why I've had it. Barbara, it WAS NOT deprivation when it was working! My clean diet and low calorie intake was a joy AND a lifestyle when I was shedding two pounds a week like clockwork. But at the 8 month mark, I hit the wall. When I no longer lost weight with the exact same program, it started to feel like pointless masochism. I hope you can understand this. My body weighed 70 pounds less, needed far fewer calories got used to less, and became super efficient. Read up on metabolic resistance. I didn't believe it myself, but you'd better believe I'm a believer now! LOL. As for the gym, you aren't aware that I've been weight training since February and I've been building muscle with a trainer 2-3 times a week. See a few journals back where I talk about doing 6 dead lifts back in April vs the 25 I did a week ago. My strength has gone through the roof. For cardio, I walk the dogs 20 minutes a day 6 days a week at 5AM. In addition, I throw in 1-2 more treadmills for another 30-40 minutes 1-2 more times per week. And yet here we are. Hence, I'm sure you will have compassion for this decision and know that it wasn't made lightly. But I also know that torturing myself with 1200 calories a day for no results isn't the way to go when I'm a grumpy bitch, either. I need a break, and this is it.
26 Jun 14 by member: mrsmole
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When I started my weight loss journey,it took my body a good month to get the message. Don't give up...you are worth it.you can win this little set back. You might want to change what kind of exercise you are doing... your body is stuck in a rut and you need to keep clawing your way out. I know you have lost a lot of weight already and you can do this. I understand if you need a break but just don't let it get out of hand. It just might wake up your metabolism by taking a break.
26 Jun 14 by member: hireed
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LOL, don't think of yourself as a grumpy bitch! We were all in your shoes many times and will be again. Take a break, regroup, all will be well. You are one focused lady and have done so wonderfully already. You will reach that goal.
26 Jun 14 by member: Barbara4572
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Mrsmole, my opinion only, I think your body is trying to tell you to take that break. Keep up with some exercise, (I wish I had the time to do what you have done there). Your body may be needing time to adjust to your impressive loss. Per your last comment I have followed your journey since last September. Again my opinion, do what you feel is right, it is your plan, and you have been working it successfully.
26 Jun 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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Whatever you do, I think as long as you have a plan in place, it's different from giving up and going out of control. Remember, we'll be watching LOL
26 Jun 14 by member: NowIunderstand
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Draglist, Maun, Whole, Barb, Hireed, thank you all for your support. NM, you too. My big indulgences will probably include a few extra chicken thighs after my workout (love that protein after a workout session!), a bacon feast on my birthday (I plan on bringing my small digital scale to the buffet and weighing out 4 ounces of cooked bacon standing up in an empty water glass surreptitiously under the table when no one is looking!) and 4% cottage cheese instead of that crappy, bland 2% garbage I've been having. So you see, my big departure is really pretty mild. Going from 1000-1200 up to 1500-1700 doesn't really allow that much wiggle room. I'm not trying to gain, after all. I'm just not going to obsess on losing for a while. I may also focus more on cardio and metabolism instead of weights for the summer. I think I will benefit more from cardio and fat burning than muscle building at this point.
26 Jun 14 by member: mrsmole
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26 Jun 14 by member: hireed
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My splurges into good bacon are more than 4 ounces!!!! LOL make sure it's good bacon.. I have a favorite and the store only has it occasionally, will buy some and hoard it for BLT's when tomatoes and cucumbers start producing-- I'm weird love cucumber slices on BLT's and will make some good white bread to make the with. Summer is indulgent time for anything with fresh fruits and veggies!! Enjoy!! Maybe even try chocolate coated bacon, it is yummy!!
26 Jun 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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I track and adjust, like draglist does. Average out over the week.
26 Jun 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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I have be up against a wall for a very long time. I hear ya loud and clear! You take care of you.♥
26 Jun 14 by member: PinkRose88
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A flat line is better than gaining though. I don't blame you for giving weight loss a break. Some of us have slower metabolisms, especially with age, and we can fight forever, but the weight won't budge. You might eventually find that you'll want to accept yourself at the weight your body wants to be, even if it's not the weight you'd like to be. It's only a number. You've lost 70 lbs and you're likely much healthier than you once were, and that's something to be proud of. Health is most important. Just keep eating healthy and working out. It's a lifestyle.
26 Jun 14 by member: ChristyLA
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Yep, I'm thinking a break for you is in order. You have worked hard and put in the extra effort. You deserve a break. I usually take mine in the fall and winter because of all the birthdays and holidays in my family.You are a great buddy to have and I have so enjoyed your posts, with your highs and your lows. I will most certainly miss you! Especially if you don't log in occasionaly, if just to say "HI". Take care and have fun! This is a great site to come back to after you have regrouped.
26 Jun 14 by member: kattay
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