Hi. Long entry. Read, don’t read, up to you. This is my journal to glance back on years ahead when I’m still here logging my meals and paying attention to my health.
Short story: I’m ok. More than okay. I am much more than a number. Thank you for that.
Story: I have no idea what’s behind the 6lb scale jump in one day (that was still with me this morning) but I can assure you it wasn’t because I fell off my WOE or gave up.
Longer story: If I’m lying to myself, so be it. But I’m attributing it to walking over five miles on Saturday (Gaylord Texan Resort) followed by over six hours of intense house cleaning ((mopping, sweeping, and dusting including moving furniture and flipping couches to vacuum up the last of the summer cricket invasion carcasses in addition to changing bed linens, washing bathroom rugs and putting all the laundry away and on and on)) yesterday. If I’m rationalizing and forgiving myself blindly, so be it.
I was reflecting Saturday on how back in February at my grandson’s wedding I was proud to have been able to walk a couple of hundred yards. That was a big achievement for me at that time.
So while the five miles this past Saturday seems small in comparison to marathon runners, it was another big milestone for me, pun intended.
And, 11 months ago when I started this again, I had reached a point physically were I wasn’t able to stand more than 15 minutes without pain and needing to sit down.
Yesterday, I sat down twice and that was to go to the bathroom. It's a girl thing. Mixed in with all of the cleaning was a lot of ‘dancing’ - I had the music cranked and you just can’t dust to the Blues Brothers without working in some Jake & Elwood moves. At least, I can’t. I would call it ‘sweatin to the oldies’ but I had the backdoor open and I never got warm enough to glow.
And the longest story: When I wrote ‘long story’ on Saturday’s journal - my mind was elsewhere. It wasn’t alluding to a confessional of ‘off the chart’ drinking and eating.
Saturday was the sixth anniversary of Cutty passing. That’s always a sad day for me, as to be expected. Not that I am able to confine the sadness to that day only. Moving on.
And, as I’ve journaled about in the past, I struggle with my daughter Blondie not wanting to spend time with me as kids are prone to do because they have kids and their own lives. They’re people like that.
Add into that mix the memory that ‘Christmas’ was always Cutty’s favorite thing. We’d only been dating about two weeks when he spent his entire paycheck decorating my townhouse for Christmas. Thank goodness it was in December or I’d have thought he was really crazy, bah dump bump.
So with all that ‘background’ (and now you understand that when I write ‘long story’ I truly mean ‘long story’) - moving onto the day.
About two weeks ago Blondie sent me a Facebook link to the Gaylord Texan Christmas activities. I clicked the ‘like’ button and moved on. But then she brought it up in person and I thought, “Hmm, this kid is serious about wanting to do something with her old Momma .. so even though I hate anything huge and peopley - why not?”
So we (the three of us including her husband) went to the Gaylord Texan on Saturday. It was bittersweet looking at the Christmas stuff and reflecting on memories and giving several nods to Cutty. It was crazy crowded. We went to the Charlie Brown ICE exhibit. Personally, I prefer the Gaylord in Nashville but this was closer as they couldn’t get away for the weekend.
As it is considered a ‘swanky’ place, there are several nice restaurants. But because we were still working out the details, departure, etc., we didn’t have reservations and couldn’t get into any restaurants. Around 3pm my expectations of having a nice late lunch prior to the ICE show fell through. I hadn't slept well the night before and was hungry because I'd been up since 4am but only had coffee. The cantina was only offering ‘frito pie or pizza’. The sandwich in the photo was my compromise of options. I shared it with my daughter in hopes of saving room & appetite for a nice dinner.
Does this require a food confessional? Okay, here it is. And if it seems like a rationalization then so be it. Yes, I had a cheese enchilada with chips & salsa Saturday night. I recorded it in my diary based on the highest option in the database but that doesn't mean I licked the platter clean. I ate mindfully and stopped when I was full. Yesterday I had a cheeseburger and fries. Again, mindfully and stopping when I wasn’t hungry anymore. While I do measure down to the ounces at home I’m not going to go back and adjust my diary when I’m dining out as it’s a total guess anyway.
The ICE exhibit is kept at a wintry 9 degrees. Yeah, wintry. I know that’s no big deal to my northern friends but here in Texas? Nope, nope, nope. They provide parka’s (and knowing my OCD Howard Hughes germ phobia tendencies you can only imagine my reaction to that!) but I was still freezing.
Freezing burns calories, right? They have a bar inside the ICE exhibit. My son-in-law bought me some vodka something with a cute name that supposedly justified the outlandish cost.
That photo of me holding a drink with ice in it (in 9 degree temperature they used ice?) standing in front of Lucy’s sculpture pretty much sums up the insanity of the day. The rest was me forcing a smile that I didn’t truly feel and refraining from running for cover from the pushing, shoving, weirdly frantic people. Have I mentioned I don’t do well in crowds? I don’t.
I wanna talk about that parka. Anyone who is now or has ever been morbidly obese like me understands the terror of ‘loaner’ clothes. For the record, I had a very large cross body leather bag (because I stored my scarf & gloves in it the rest of the day) beneath that parka as well as a thick turtleneck sweater and an even thicker ‘fun’ fur vest. Yet, it still snapped. I had so dreaded that moment because of living in a world where ‘one size does NOT fit all’. I went to a spa day at a salon once and the robe didn’t meet in the middle. It was embarrassing.
So I may look fat & bulky but I was proud of that moment. Totally grossed out wondering who else had worn the parka before me. But proud.
Walking that distance without breathing hard or having to sit and rest was a huge victory for me. Two years ago we went to Sea World in San Antonio and I wasn’t able to see some of the exhibits or make it to the shows because I couldn’t walk any distance without resting. That day at Sea world was the only time I ever wanted to ride a roller coaster (to have an excuse to scream out my frustration) but was afraid I’d walk all the way over there and not fit in the car or bucket or whatever you call the thing on a roller coaster.
And while I’m usually pretty adamant on choosing restaurants that fit my WOE I wasn’t going to force the issue that day. It was one day. One enchilada. And the Cheeseburger with Fries yesterday? One burger, one day. It didn’t knock me off plan or make me give up. It was just food eaten mindfully one day.
How much more can I tack onto this? How about this - I bought a Letscom tracker and it arrived Friday. That’s how I knew how many miles I walked Saturday. It was inexpensive enough for me to see if I would even wear it before investing in something pricier although many reviewers consider it just as good as the high dollar models.
I still need to figure out settings because it was really really happy with me over the five miles. It gave me a thumbs up symbol. However, it shared that I only burned about 480 calories? According to FatSecret I burn more than that by sleeping. So, my point? I’m my own little metabolic ward study. Oh, and cleaning yesterday? 5725 steps. Okay, not 10k but that’s within one house. Bellawood is not a McMansion.
Anything else? Probably. But I already imagine your eyes are bleeding and I’m tired of typing.
Except this. I know I’m normally more present here. I’ll catch up. I’m working on projects IRL as well as trying to improve my sleep. I will catch up with all of you asap. I promise. But I’m not away because I quit or gave up.
Bells
