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I feel like I'm hanging in there by the skin of my teeth...not drinking and not giving up on life and future happiness.
I cheated on my eating really bad one day and a little a few other days (barely over maintenance those days) but in no way to warrant a 5lbs fat gain...
I know 99% of it has to be water but it still does a number on me psychologically.
I've been very depressed lately...my new job I've had for going on 2 years in September has a lot of people that don't like me, my dating life is still full of men that just want to sleep with me but don't love me...and my family feels so far away and like they don't like me much either. I feel very unloved and alone lately.
It's hard to stay on track when I'm depressed...very very hard, because losing weight is wanting life...loving yourself and loving your life...and I don't love either right now.
But I have to hang in there....I can't cause more damage to my body (weight gain) causing more of a set back when I finally do snap out of this depression.
I consider it an absolutely MIRACLE that I didn't drink this weekend...I couldn't believe how hard it was!!!! Today marks 6 months exactly of not drinking...but I'm discovering that I think summer is going to be a whole lot more difficult. Pool parties seem meant for a cocktail in hand...and with my depression I miss alcohol more than ever...it was my escape from life. I see no way out of this sadness...I want a better profession but everything is so difficult (requires school) and I don't feel excited about any profession that I look in to going to school for....should I just pick any of them then???? I need to get started soon because if I hate going to work I might as well be getting paid better for doing it...
I'd love to have somebody loving me too...that would make me happy...but you can't make somebody love you.
I feel like my only hope is to lose weight and have that be my one happiness...then the things that make me happy like being outside and hiking and sports will be easier.
I'm going to try and use this trip to Texas at the end of June to be my temporary motivation to keep going...my gym partner cancelled this morning so I didn't go (that makes almost a full week of no gym!!! Feels terrible) so I packed my gym clothes to try and go to spin class after work today...I'd like to try and go 5 days a week for the next month until the trip.
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103.0 kg
Lost so far: 20.9 kg.
Still to go: 16.8 kg.
Diet followed: Poorly.
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1564 kcal
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Fat: 116.12g | Prot: 105.96g | Carbs: 20.53g.
Breakfast: Smithfield Smoked Pork Shoulder. Lunch: Hormel Original Pepperoni Slices, ole south pork sausage, Classico Tomato & Basil Pasta Sauce, Mozzarella Cheese (Whole Milk), Trader Joe's Ground Chicken. Dinner: Wholly Guacamole Wholly Guacamole Minis, Hormel Fully Cooked Bacon. Snacks/Other: Cream (Half & Half), Spitz Cracked Pepper Sunflower Seeds. more...
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Gaining 4.0 kg a Week
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 Comments
It’s a new day you have another chance to try again. I put sticky notes and a lot of quotes on my mirror, bed, refrigerator to remind me and control me when I feel emotional and want to eat.this might help you as well. Also when u feel down and want to lay down and sleep turn on a comedy or something that reminds you of a happy moment lie a Disney or something to help take u out of your funk.
However just don’t give up. Keep fighting. And as long as your breathing you always have another day to fight again.
Best wishes
30 May 18 by member: wittyloco
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Take heart - you are asking yourself the right questions and you are going to have a breakthrough, a big breakthrough where it flips and you find yourself fulfilled. The first part was not drinking - GREAT JOB - having a good time does not have to include drinking - YOU GOT THIS - Change your story and you will change your life. Change it to an empowering story where you stop what you are doing that doesn't work and raise your expectations -CHANGE YOUR STORY AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE. YOU GOT THIS, YOU REALLY DO.
30 May 18 by member: hildawg
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46# down is GENIUS progress. All the rest of that shiznit is noise. You know exactly what to do. Let's go, woman! #getserious #grindtime
30 May 18 by member: jimmiepop
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I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Be proud you didn't drink! If you think pool parties will be hard, look up other summer events in your area that are in places that don't serve alcohol or maybe try to make it a habit of carrying a water bottle wherever you go so drinking water instead will become more natural. Think about a new hobby that might give you some joy. You can learn to do almost anything on YouTube. I taught myself to knit watching YouTube videos. There are both enrichment and certificate classes online too. Coursera.org is free and has multiple class on many subjects that might catch your interest or help you figure out what you'd like to do. I wish you peace.
30 May 18 by member: cjodyssey
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Keep pushing. Your head will clear up, you'll gain a new zeal, and you'll be back at it in no time. We (most-I know I do) all go through this from time to time. The weight gain was likely due to water weight because of poor food choices that came from processed foods. Don't give in or beat yourself up. Blessings.
30 May 18 by member: adamevegod1
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Love and appreciate yourself before you invite a man into your life. That's the hardest lesson I ever learned. Respect your body, put your emotional well-being before the desire to be physically loved. You are a gorgeous woman with drive and obvious depth, you WILL find your happiness! Besides, it's wonderful to be alone and explore yourself. Dance naked in your living room, hog the blankets because there's no one there to care! Stop shaving your legs and wear your comfy sharkweek panties any day of the month! Read every book that interests you, sing loud and horribly in the shower, let your stray hairs fall wherever they please! Be patient, it's hard sometimes but you'll be better for it. Suffering is a gift, process these emotions and appreciate the wisdom you gain. Someday you'll miss your time alone. Much love! 💕
30 May 18 by member: brookofmirkwood
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I'm so sorry you're feeling down today! But better days are coming. Never give up and always love and embrace yourself. Love will come with some else when you have and continue to pour into yourself. Prayers for you always! And please know that if no one else tells you I want you to know you are loved.
30 May 18 by member: eatolive4life
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i understand completly but if u dont love yourself why expect anyone else too, not being nasty maybe harsh but its so true, get the help you need start being positive about things and things will get better, its not going to happen overnight but you will start loving yourself and then others will see and love you too. i have mental health issues been on anti depressants for 3 years on and off i was in depth of despair but over time the tablets worked talking helped and i saw what i was missing so i got back to living enjoying what i can somedays are still hard but im having more good days then not. your stronger than you realise im here if u need anything.
30 May 18 by member: keats06
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Sharon, what Draglist just wrote is absolutely and completely true. I know that, when you're in the throes of depression, it hardly seems possible. But this, too, shall pass .. like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Please see my private message. Be well.
30 May 18 by member: Miraculum
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Oh Sharon, please remember it's you that has to be there for yourself. We teach others how to treat us. Be good to yourself and others will follow your example. Those who don't (no fault of yours) you have no need for in your life.
You are doing an awesome job, yes, it's hard work, but remember there are small rewards along the way and a huge one when you get to where you want to be. Right now you have a lot on your plate, but you can handle it all, you already have the answers within yourself. Keep at it, you're doing great! ❤👍
31 May 18 by member: Becc@
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There are a lot of mocktails out there taste amazing, I love making my own sodas. It give you a chance to make something that you love the taste of and it means you are in control of the sugar!!! We all get low when we gain but I promise you that you will be happier when you stick to it even when your gaining. Make habits, not promises! It's hard work but you will feel better for it!!
31 May 18 by member: katies71
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Sharon, all I can say is I have complete empathy for you. Been right where you are now and stayed there for FORTY WASTED YEARS!! My salvation was gastric bypass surgery. I lost 174 pounds in about 10 or 11 months. I have maintained my current weight of 122 for almost 4 years now. Happiest I've EVER been and my only regret is that I didn't do it much sooner. BTW, I know I saved my own life in the process. PM me if you want. <3
31 May 18 by member: Steviefan1
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Ouch - hard to hear what you're going through... know that we are here for you!
31 May 18 by member: From371to184
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Sharons Victory's Weight History
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