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I feel disappointed with myself after a truly wonderful, busy weekend. International, college students, who are friends of my kids and represent nine countries, came and "partied" at our house on Friday. It was absolutely so much fun. I took this picture after five already needed to leave. They ate and played games and danced and sang... it was so beautiful! Thee of my kids are in the picture. I think we are going to make it a weekly or biweekly event. Also,This was my last bouquet of roses from my bushes for the year. It decorated my table which served 27. I made gallons of chicken curry, vegetable, chickpea soup. We had lots of homemade cookies, bars, and bread. I didn't show restraint with my eating, and I am up in weight... so much so that I was too ashamed to record it the next day, my usual recording day. I would have lost my "blue line." I feel dishonest with myself. I know I have to pick myself up and move on. I feel weak and tired of being careful all the time. After ten months, I just want to forget about monitoring every single thing that goes into my mouth either by weighting or measuring or trying to gauge if my body needs the food or if I have balanced it enough with exercise. I just want to be lazy and relax and eat whatever I want. But do I really? I know that really doesn't make me happy. I have worked too hard to "let go," and I am not going to do it! I fasted yesterday and am only a tiny bit over my RDI today. I have no expectation that this should be easy. Sometimes it really is easier. I know that many things make it harder for me like not as much sunlight, too much salt and sugar, lots of stress... hormones. I have many, tough eating events coming up. I just have to hang on to my determination to not let up.
View Diet Calendar, 18 November 2019:
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1890 kcal
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Fat: 48.05g | Prot: 69.01g | Carbs: 279.79g.
Breakfast: Oatmeal, Brown Sugar, Great Value Organic Ground Flax Seed, Blueberries, Market Pantry Half & Half. Lunch: White Table Wine , Sweet Tomatoes Three Bean Turkey Chili (Low-Fat), Cuties Mandarin Orange, Apples . Dinner: Simple Truth Lentil Vegetable Soup . Snacks/Other: General Mills Chex Mix Traditional. more...
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1 to 20 of 79
 Comments
You didn't let go completely - you took a break for a day or two. It happens. It sounds as if you are 'back' and ready to continue .. that speaks volumes for your success. We all need a vacation from the day in day out grind of it all, food included. You are human. Forgive yourself and move on. You've had amazing results. You'll have more.
18 Nov 19 by member: FullaBella
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Melissa, life is to enjoy. We all have setbacks. Please rejoice in your accomplishments and beautiful extended family! ♥️
18 Nov 19 by member: Erquiaga
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Thank you, Bella! I needed you peptalk, and it makes it so much easier to go forward with accountability and support! Erquiaga, I do have so much to be grateful for in life! Thank you for your encouragement. I know you understand the struggle.
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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And, Erquiaga, it really was like "family!" I didn't know many of them, but by the end of the night I got all the hugs! It was truly beautiful to see the blend of so many cultures, Muslim and Christians, teens to late twenty year olds... All joined in wonderful community! ❤️❤️❤️
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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Wow! Looks and sounds like a great gathering! How wonderful of you to open up your home like that. Melissa, you have such a giving spirit! ❤
Be kind to yourself, especially during the holidays. I know you are only being honest and that says alot about your commitment to staying healthy, but please don't get down on yourself. ❤ As long as you still have skirts falling off, you're doing good! 😉😍❤
18 Nov 19 by member: Becc@
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Looks like a wonderful time!!! So many happy faces. The food thing will correct itself, it does not have to a straight line with always perfect
18 Nov 19 by member: liv001
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What a wonderful weekend you had!
18 Nov 19 by member: Quiet-one
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Aw, Becc, you make me grin!! My skirt actually did yesterday... While trying on not while wearing! 😁 I feel absolutely blessed to have these beautiful "kids" wanting to come. Every single one was so polite and kind and helpful! It made any "service" to them an absolute delight.
But, liv, you are always below goal even if you fluctuate a bit. That is what I want... To be low enough that a "high" week is still "blue." Thank you for your encouragement! When I am in your range of success, I will feel very happy 😊
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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What a GRAND time that must have been! I honestly don't see a setback, I see a celebration of life with friends and family. Food shouldn't be an issue here. If you ate it, ya ate it. Its just that. YOU are a RockSTAR in my eyes. Making memories is important and its great you want to continue these get-togethers. No tomorrow is a brand new day :)
18 Nov 19 by member: kissangelgirl
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I know some people schedule "cheat days" and then stay on track the rest of the time. I can't imagine HOSTING a party and being able to show restraint. It isn't going to hurt that you had a cheat day when you get back on track right away (you aren't making it a week-long binge). You worked hard to get where you are! AND...what a wonderful thing to do for others. Look at those flowers and remember kindnesses shared. :)
18 Nov 19 by member: binkytexas
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What wonderful memories those young people will take with them! As will you and your family. Don't reduce your pleasure by putting yourself down, just adjust your eating after the weekend to get back to your goal weight. You've got this! And, your roses are beautiful! 💚💛💜
18 Nov 19 by member: shirfleur 1
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Quiet-one, it was wonderful! Angelgirl, you know how much I admire you, so your kind words to me... Well, it means an awful lot. ❤️ I am thankful for a "celebration" with dear people, but I also know I shoveled in calories because I was stressed getting ready (the food was just sitting there) and then... I just nibbled all night. I could sure have made better choices and still enjoyed my time. Next time! 😁
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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Thank you, binky! What a nice way to be an encourager, "look at those flowers and remember..." they are already starting to get a bit wilted, but I will try to focus on the positive and "remember" I can also get back on track. 😁 I am hosting several events coming up... If I can be so careful leading up and following, I know I can be a "little" more relaxed during... But not totally "relaxed!"
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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Thank you for your kind words, shirfleur. I have so often overeaten in the past and then not "gotten a grip." gaining back control is something I am trying so desperately to learn and I wish I would just have more control in the first place. I guess it is humility knowing I don't have it all together sorted out that keeps me here and trying to learn.
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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18 Nov 19 by member: moopie321
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18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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Thank you, keyten dear! ❤️
18 Nov 19 by member: melissatwa
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I think the mind set we are in is a bit maddening. The always logging always caring about everything becomes too much for me. For me, I have to have breaks. Sometimes these breaks are well balanced and sometimes they aren’t. The important part is to return to what we know is right; to not get too far off track. Good luck! I think you are doing fantastic!!
18 Nov 19 by member: CrashtestDawnie
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great looking folks. great event. wow - table of 27. I think we can be a little hard on ourselves sometimes. you are the queen of maintenance in my book and I don't see things getting out of hand.
18 Nov 19 by member: rgaDawg
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Looks like you had a great time! Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing great and will continue to go great. There is no such thing as perfection in our weight loss/maintenance journey.
19 Nov 19 by member: Kennyn27
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melissatwa's Weight History
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