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Yesterday at a party, someone asked me how I was doing (on my "transformation"), and I said, "51 pounds so far!" And after they said, "Congrats!" and the caterer came along with a tray of won tons, and I said, "No thanks" and the supportive person said, "Can't you just have one?" And I said, "Probably, but then I would have to take out my phone app or my journal right here at this table and write it down, and I'd rather not."
And since I was still smiling, the other person thought I was kidding and persisted, "No, really?" And I said, "Yes, really. It's how I manage my food now. It may seem odd, but it's what works for me." It was an 98 pound 5'1" Asian, super petite woman I was speaking to. Luckily, I know her well, so I was able to say, "I didn't get to be the weight I used to be (280) by NOT having a problem with food. Does that make sense?" And she thought about it and nodded. I went on. "So now, I have to be vigilant about everything I have, and that means writing down every bite. It means that some social situations like this (gesturing with my hands to the party) can be awkward when I don't eat or drink, but I just explain to the hosts and friends like you who love and support me that this is how I'm managing to lose all this weight, and then before you know it, no one really cares and we're on to the next topic."
She blinked a few times, taking this in, not knowing what to say, because this was just so bizarre for someone who eats like a freaking bird (I've seen her eat). I knew she liked to talk about TV shows, so I quickly said, "Did you see the latest episode of 'Shark Tank'?" And her eyes lit up and we started talking about that.
This is how I handle parties now. I eat before I get there and I abstain 100% from all the food and drinks. If it's good friends, they make sure I have fruit or food I can eat. But this was just a housewarming party with about 80 people and I just came by to give them a bottle of nice, re-gifted wine and pay my respects to their redecorated home. I wanted to make an appearance. So I did, but I didn't eat. I'm proud that I didn't AVOID the party, but I'm also glad I didn't INDULGE because they had amazing appies and desserts.
And I'm proud that I was able to explain my Ruplestilskin situation (i.e., I do what I need to do to get the job done). And I didn't dwell on it or harp on it like a martyr, droning on and on about how hard it is to someone who has no clue because she weighs 98 pounds. But I'm sure she has other demons. Don't we all? I couldn't help noticing that she kept asking for refills on her wine and at her size and weight, I sure hope she wasn't driving!
My personality is very open and straightforward. I don't play games or pretend. If someone pays me a compliment, I take it graciously. Maybe that helps me cope better at these social situations.
I've seen people post here that they dread parties or regret how they ate at parties and I just thought I'd share my experience at a party and see if my behavior sounds really out there or bizarre or unthinkable to anyone else? I mean, I weigh 230 pounds. It's obvious I'm heavy (it's okay, we're all friends here, we can say fat :), it's also obvious that I've lost 50 pounds. The difference between 280 and 230 IS noticeable, trust me. So at this point, people start to say things, notice the change, and it makes sense to mention that, "Yeah, I'm here at your party, I showed up, I'm having fun, but I'm just not eating your food right now, and guess what? It's all good!"
But even early on when it was the holidays and I had only lost about 15 pounds and you could barely tell, I was still letting people know, "Thanks, I'm trying to watch what I eat," and no one really cares whether you eat at their party or bowling night or girls night or not. It seems like a much bigger deal than it is. No one is huddling in the corner whispering about why you're not trying the quiche! LOL.
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104.1 kg
Lost so far: 22.9 kg.
Still to go: 36.5 kg.
Diet followed: 100%.
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1373 kcal
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Fat: 56.62g | Prot: 94.04g | Carbs: 108.55g.
Breakfast: Bananas, Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Bacon. Lunch: Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino Light, Watermelon. Dinner: Cottage Cheese (Lowfat 2% Milkfat), Pineapple. Snacks/Other: Twizzlers Sugar Free Twizzlers. more...
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steady weight
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1 to 20 of 21
 Comments
you should write a book about stuff like this, what an amazing episode...congrats on keeping it clear for yourself, you're not just losing the weight, you're gaining strength and insight....well done !
02 Mar 14 by member: LotusLandJoe
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Agreed, I do that often too! It's easier to say no than it is to say yes, have just a taste and stop. Once I start to eat, I just want more!
02 Mar 14 by member: NCNOLE
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Great job! And an excellent way to handle the situation. People always assume its okay to have one or two, etc., I for one can't do that. I'm like you, if I have one it will be more, and I hate to have to document a backslide. You're definitely going to make! Glad I can be along for your accomplishments!
02 Mar 14 by member: Barbara4572
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02 Mar 14 by member: ALKJ
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My plate at the funeral yesterday had more fruit than anything else on it. When I went back to the table for more food...it was fruit that was added...I was 4 hours away from home. Could not eat before I went into the funeral. Then on the way home rewarded myself with a stop at a bar/restaurant with my hubby before heading the rest of the way home. He had a couple beers...I drank a lemonade.
02 Mar 14 by member: kmunson
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Good for you! I am among those avoiding social situations for that very reason. Especially with my closer friends, who may be dieting too, but they HAVE to have their wine (or insert drink of choice) parties. I go, I tell them I only want water and they harrass me about needing a drink. I tell them I don't want to eat after 4, and they harrass me about needing to eat. Um, no I do NOT need that drink, and I at PLENTY for me today! I get up at 4:45am... by 4pm I am winding down my day, no I do NOT need to eat after 4 lol. It sucks, I try to go out with one at a time and still get more of the same (need a rolleyes smiley). I like the diversion tactic you used and am glad it worked!
02 Mar 14 by member: JeanineDS
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I haven't been in that kind of situation yet but wanted to just say thank you for sharing your experience!!! I definatly would have to say NO because once I find something I like, I have a hard time stopping.
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Jeanine, I'm horrified that your supposed "friends" give you a hard time about you "needing" a drink. There is no such thing. If someone in my life told me they didn't eat after 4PM, I'd ask them to tell me how that works, what's that about, etc. and never question it. I hate to say this, but it might be time to stand up and go, "Hey! Be my friend and support me!" And then watch them all hold their hands up like you've got them at gunpoint and go, "Whoa! We were just trying to make sure you were having fun, blah, blah." and make you look like the crazy one. Once in a while, I have to look like the crazy one to set the boundaries so people know I'm serious. Once they "get it", then the BS stops cold. P.S. Anyone purporting to lose weight cuts out alcohol FIRST - empty sugar calories. I mean, DUH. What 3rd grader doesn't know that? (insert eye rolling icon here)
02 Mar 14 by member: mrsmole
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This is what I'm doing as well. Being accountable, even to my 'app' seems to be helping and I feel hopeful and determined. Congrats and I hope to have success as well.
02 Mar 14 by member: Dani Bull
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P.S. I added a bunch of you a new friends because when people "get me", I like to scoop them up as friends. Kmunson, I'm so proud of how you dealt with the funeral situation. That would have been an easy one to blow. Thank goodness for fruit! Lotus, thanks for the encouragement. Maybe I will save all my Journals and make a book at the end of my journey (if it ever ends, haha!).
02 Mar 14 by member: mrsmole
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I totally understand your feelings on this ... I am like you ... If one tasty but bad for me thing hits my lips I am sure I will not stop, therefore I must have none. But I am sure you felt strong when you left that party and did it your way. That takes strength and you have it.
02 Mar 14 by member: chryssm
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It is a lot easier putting tthe weight on than taking off. I get the can't you have just one or here just taste this it is woderful. Than I remembler that is what got me here in the first place
02 Mar 14 by member: cyd69
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Thanks Mrs. Mole! The funny part of this is the one who does this the most to me is having serious health issues of her own and wants support for that lol. And she definitely shouldn't be drinking! Thanks for adding me as a buddy, I could use the support! My best friends are not local friends :)
02 Mar 14 by member: JeanineDS
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I feel guilty if I don't get it tracked, both here and on my WW app. Then I have to make sure I didn't mess up on either, and I'm double checking every day too. Like you said, you have to do what you have to do to make it work.
02 Mar 14 by member: erwinwarrior83
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I like that and will definitely try it. Too bad I just read it tonight - I really needed it earlier today!!! You rock, mrsmole!
02 Mar 14 by member: Suzy May Blackfly
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thank you for sharing this. I really need to do the same....eat before socializing and abstain. Then I will not get in trouble!
02 Mar 14 by member: Cayalicious
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Wow. Great way to handle it MM! That's more or less what I do too. It is by far the best way, IMO. But I love the way you've described the situation, as LLJoe said it almost reads like a novel. Love it! :D
02 Mar 14 by member: Rob.c.weiss
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MrsMole - I think your talent is in the creative writing. Anyone with discipline can abstain. It isn't exciting, interesting or entertaining but very few can write like you do and share it as interestingly as you have. You make it sound like fun x Next time I abstain I will have your words with me to add an extra smile to my (slimming) face. Thanx x
03 Mar 14 by member: KellyM25
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You are doing and looking amazing
03 Mar 14 by member: Rockiesfan
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I agree with KellyM25. The last potluck I went to, I know I bored the lovely nutritionist in our group. I look forward to when I have a simple, but interesting response. It is funny how people ask questions about why you won't try just one. When I go to church, there is a coffee hour afterwards. There are always goodies present and those are my challenge.
03 Mar 14 by member: gilliansings
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