Debbie Cousins's Journal, 25 Feb 20

Your not in this alone ... some days are harder than the others ..tomorrow is a new day ... take it day by day and don’t be so hard on your self ... you got this 💪 

Hope you had a good sleep Debbie. You are fighting and hanging in there! I am proud of you 

Well darn it Debbie! I can't tell you how many times I have lost and gained it all back. Now is the time to put the brakes on and regroup. For me it is easier to eat no sweets at all then to try and just have a few bites. Dam that cinnamon Raisin muffin! At least you are posting and thinking about it. I know the feel of failure when your weight goes back up. Don't let it make you have a feeling of "I don't care, I'll eat what I want." 

It's common for a lot of us to feel blah, unmotivated & blue this time of year. After the excitement of the Holiday season, the often cold, gloomy & wet days with reduced hours of light. And you get a double whammy since you already suffer with depression. For me planning activities out of the house seem to help. Plan lunch with a friend, join a club or group affiliated with something you're interested in, have a date night with your husband, take your grandchildren somewhere fun. On days the sun is shining make an effort to get outside....even if you just bundle up & go sit. The sun does wonders for mood enhancing! As hard as it feels right now you have past experience to know you can overcome this! Saying a prayer for you. 

Ditto what Sherry said on getting out of the house and engaging with others. Your kind heart tells me you would be great as a volunteer at a nursing home or hospital working with the elderly and sick patients. You need a purpose every day you wake up otherwise there is no point to life. Find your passion !! 

I hate to read this, cause I can feel the desperation in what you wrote. Most of us have been there and it feels like something got a hold of us and wiped away all our positivity and all our will power and our mind goes into shell shock..totally blank like Alzheimer's.. we can't remember our goals or how good we felt, all we know is we got turned around and we don't know how to pull our selves out of the deepness and start over... again! ugh! BUT PLEASE DO IT!!!! Take a moment to meditate on what you wanted and still want for yourself, your life, your goals, your health... then like a computer keyboard.. hit send! And get up and take that first step.. get rid of those muffins and everything that has power over your will power.. look at those things and tell them .. I am boss, you are not! You are not in control of me!!! Toss em out! I am wondering if you have ever tried the low/no carb diet? I am on it and it is the best thing that ever happened to me! At first I was losing about a pound a day till I hit 12 lbs, then I stalled, (and I did some cheating) then I "hit send" to my my brain and got back to my original goals.. and started losing around 1-2 lbs a week. But listen very carefully... it means you have to say no to sugar, potatoes, rice, bread, chips , candy sodas, crackers, processed foods and artificial sugars! (no to artificial sugars cause your brain does not know the difference and it will trigger the dopamine release.. and cause you to crave more sugar and carbs.. just say no!) They are all carbs.. and turn to sugar in you liver... and go to you blood stream for energy, but when you are a low level physical energy, you won't burn that sugar and it will be stored as fat! UGH! So when you don't eat those carbs, your body has to find fuel.. it finds it in stored fat!!! The fat starts to shrink off your body! You can find lots of innovative cooking ideas to keep you satisfied on low carbs >>>20 or less a day until you reach your goal. AND the fats you eat will satisfy you and you won't snack... you might even skip a meal.. cause you just won't be that hungry and with restricting carbs, you will have less, if any carb cravings.. I didn't believe it .. but it happened! Also I do intermittent fasting.. I eat at 10:30 am and quit eating by 6:30 pm. I am upping my workout level too. But the main reason I started low carb.. was when my blood panel said I had rick for heart disease.. I did a lot of research and found out that cholesterol is not the enemy.. SUGAR is! It is the sugar that does not get used for fuel that ends up clogging our arteries!!! The cholesterol is MADE BY OUR BODIES and sent for healing.. it ends up being stuck in the arteries because of they are sugar clogged.. STOP THE SUGAR>>STOP THE CLOGGED ARTERIES AND LOWER if not STOP the potential heart disease risk! I have not gone back to the doctor yet to check my blood panel improvements.. but I am very optimistic! I pray that you get your mojo back.. and become the healthy you, that you know you can be! HIT SEND! Amen! My research sources are eye opening: Cholesterol Clarity by Jimmy Moore, The Complete low carb high fat no hunger diet by Veronica Childs and Laura Childs, The Great Cholesterol Myth, by Jonny Bowden and Stephen Sinatra, and Breaking up with SUGAR by Molly Carmel... you can get them all at thriftbooks.com for around $5 each. That is where I got mine.. what a deal!!! Best wishes to you!!! 

Why do you have those kind of foods in the house? If due to housemates, tell them to stash where you can't find them! I still have trouble resisting sweet/starchy goodies, when I succumb and buy them, I eat them up way too fast. I avoid the inner aisles of stores anymore. 

I have found alot of purpose and community at church. There's something to do almost every night if you want to. I moved to a new town and work so much that it's hard to find time to make friends so having somewhere to go where there's no judgement is really freeing. 

Gz9gig... yes!!! AVOID THE INNER AISLES!!! That is my motto too!!!  

Baby... you gotta cut glucose from your life. Think if it as crack because it is JUST as addictive. Keep you glucose (carbs and sugar) consumption at a minimum. Under 50 per day. You can completely reverse type 2 diabetes.  

Also.. buy some 5htp and dlpa to supplement. Glucose hits the same serotonin pathways. If you can naturally increase your serotonin levels it will help with the cravings and depression. Google amino acids for weight loss. Glutamine kills sugar cravings in their tracks. 

Also not much fruits.. (sad) keep to berries they are the lowest carbs 

I am not going to try and tell you what to do or how to feel. I just want you to know that I am here for you if you need to reach out. I also had to add a supplement of vitamin D to my routine. it seems to have helped a bit. https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw 

Stop eating carbs. You'll feel better and the weight will come off. I promise. 

oh sweetheart you can contact any of us at any time. I think you just need to go outside, go to a park and walk around the park sunlight gives vitamin d and that improves moods, also it's a double benefit. you will not find yourself eating at home and.. you'll be burning calories too. I hope you feel motivated to do this and stay strong you will overcome.  

A lot of wisdom here. 

You know I'm with you every day my friend. When you're ready, I'll be there on the path, ready to take your hand. 💚💛💜 

I totally understand Debbie. It’s so hard when you’re depressed, and then you take meds to make it better but then they have side effects. I felt less depressed and anxious on antidepressants, but I didn’t care about my weight or many other things. I gained a lot. The only thing I would recommend is to talk to your psychiatrist about these symptoms. There may be something that makes you less tired and hungry, and targets your depression better. At one point I started becoming depressed because of the weight gain. It’s so tough to find a balance. Hang in there❤️ 

WOW! I hadn't checked my messages or Journal for two days, and I'm WOWED by the kindness of all who responded - many of whom I haven't even met before now! Thanks, everyone! All such great encouragement and advice! I think I might make it a goal to leave the house every day -- even if I only go outside and sit on the front deck (but even better to WALK around the property or go to the grocery store). I put some healthy things on my shopping list just now. I washed my water tumbler (which I haven't used in a couple weeks). The grandkids are spending the night tomorrow, and I will try to do some "active" things with them (like at least play hide and seek), or take them on a scavenger hunt around the property on Saturday morning. I WON'T buy more ingredients for making cinnamon rolls! I hadn't even been listening to my motivational books for the past couple days, but I spent three hours (so far) listening today (to Jack Canfield - he's my favorite motivator, with Rhonda Byrne a close second). SO, there's hope on the horizon! 

Debbie, hearing your positive response makes my heart happy 😊💖💕