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Day 3:
I am grateful for my beautiful daughter who is working hard to get ready while saying goodbye to all her friends. So much to do, and so much on her plate in terms of leaving, it is hard for me to remember sometimes that she lost her intact parental unit last year with the separation.
Grateful for anxiety medication, which truly does relieve a lot of anxiety (go figure!).
Grateful for my friends, so steadfast, so strong for me! Honestly, I would have laid down and slept for weeks had they not been there!
I am grateful for all here on fatsecret - all of you who write up your journals, simple or complicated, and share. I read K8yk's blog yesterday - I am taking it to heart, her telling me to never give up. And kindness to me, and hanging in there under what seems like unbearable heartbreak. Yet not unbearable because I am still alive, then, aren't I?
The dumpster arrived, but so did the rain. I am hoping that the boys can come tomorrow and fill it up with all the stuff they took out of the basement, junk and more junk! The basement itself, almost empty now, presents a tired face, but not full of wasted life bits, just things that I will use in the next six months or so, things that will make positive changes for me. I try not to get overcome daily, but is there truth to the saying you'll feel better after a good cry? I don't know - I feel less like crying once I am done crying - maybe that is all I need each day, "releasing the toxins" through my tears?
One item that is circulating on Facebook: It is better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho forever! I think that the comment is harsh, but may be apropos to my situation. I don't want to think that my ex was unstable, but on the other hand, I have to admit I did not understand him sometimes, so does that mean he was irrational, or was I just dense? Or was I irrational? Or both of us?
I have never liked being brave. I fear I type a better game than I am living, but isn't that like faking it until I make it happen?
I am taking a breather from work this week - rain means no work at night - I'll go tomorrow and FINISH that other stupid project if it kills me! Best bet is to get 'er done tonight, swoop in to the office tomorrow and get out as quickly as possible. Then vacation days - daughter leaves Saturday so I'll take Wednesday and Thursday nights to get her going.
The rain is not making me feel cheery, that is for sure.
Somehow, coming here makes and telling my story makes it easier to go and eat, easier to go and move, easier to get out of my house and do my errands.
Hope you all survive your Monday as best you can!
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