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It’s confession time, and I’ve been dreading this moment. I have failed you, my friends, and I’m ashamed to admit it, but I have to. Perhaps if I had done it 5 days ago, or four, or three, or two, or even yesterday – there would be no reason to have to do it STILL TODAY! I’ve been slipping. It started with a “day off” last Sunday. I’m not even going to look into my food journal to try to substantiate what I’m saying, or to figure out the specifics of everything.
I’m just going to say that, EVERY DAY since then, I’ve done something wrong. One day, I go the whole entire day keeping all of my macros perfectly in sync for a perfect report, and then get up at 11pm and intentionally throw myself way over on carbs. Another day, I make myself an actual BLT sandwich (because someone “has” to use that tomato!), and I take handfuls of Nacho Doritos to put on the plate with them – not counting them, or recording them. Another day, it’s finishing the Lunchable my grandson didn’t finish, eating cracker, and then later having an entire Asian Pear when the carbs aren’t there to cover it.
But, yesterday and today were the worst. Yesterday, I started out well – made myself an omelet with ham and cheese. For some reason, I got SICK after eating it, and lost it all into my bathroom trashcan. I went and took a nap after that, and when I woke up, I ate 6 saltine crackers with butter on them (because I “had” to see if my stomach was settled down). Yeserday was Birthday Party day. Instead of doing all the cooking, I changed the party to 3:30 and ordered Pizza Hut pizza. …And, I ATE Pizza Hut pizza – not one, but TWO slices. Not the thin ‘n crispy or the hand-tossed crust, but the PAN pizza. And, I had a piece of cake AND one of the ice cream cups. I got called out for an emergency for about six hours after the party, and when I got home, I heated up TWO more pieces of pizza and ate them, AND I had stopped at 7-Eleven on the way home and got a Dark Kit-Kat (king size) and ate the whole thing.
I forget when I let the ONE McDonald’s Diet Coke into the picture. Then, I had my husband get a flat of 35 from BJ’s, and I would JUST drink one a day, and ONLY after I’ve had my water. That only lasted one day. Yesterday, I DID get in my water, but I had TWO (or maybe even 3) cans. Today, I’m on my first can (or maybe it’s the second), but it’s late, and I probably won’t finish my water for the day.
Yesterday, I never even REPORTED anything into my Challenge Results (I don’t think I’ve EVER done that!) Today, I can’t remember if I recorded my breakfasgt - High-Fiber muffin and hot tea, but I know I didn’t record the Marie Calendar’s Chicken Pot Pie (to which I added carrots, green beans and corn). Just the pot pie is 61g carbs! And, I just tried those nachos using pork rinds as the base, and I didn’t even weigh ANY of the ingredients! I haven’t written ANYTHING in my Food Journal today, I don’t think, and I don’t WANT to write anything in it.
I’m in full-fledged temper-tantrum mode right now, and I don’t even know why. Yeah, my sister died 3 years ago (I used that excuse for a couple days.) Yeah, one of my relationships is in turmoil. Yeah there was the stress of throwing the party. But, NO – NONE of them are enough of an “excuse” to justify my actions.
The Bible says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed.” For those of you who believe in the power of prayer, I could sure use some right now.
View Diet Calendar, 09 February 2019:
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1670 kcal
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Fat: 139.83g | Prot: 76.11g | Carbs: 33.67g.
Breakfast: Walden Farms Calorie Free Pancake Syrup, Butter, High Fiber 1-Minute Flax Muffin. Lunch: Atkins Endulge Peanut Caramel Cluster Bar (Sugar Alcohols Removed). Dinner: Pearls Large Black Olives, Kraft Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Provolone Cheese, Hormel Black Label Fully Cooked Bacon, Kroger Pork Rinds. Snacks/Other: Coca-Cola Diet Coke (Can), Fresh & Easy Cashew Halves, Endulge Pecan Caramel Clusters (Sugar Alcohols Removed). more...
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21 to 40 of 64
 Comments
If roles were reversed, would you tell me I failed you? Of course not! Wouldn't you be understanding and forgiving because I wasn't perfect? We need to remember to treat ourselves and our missteps with the same kindness and compassion as we would treat anyone else who has lost their way a bit. You didn't fail us, you didn't even fail yourself, you got off track. It will be a challenge to get back, but perhaps you are finding that the path you are on isn't quite the right fit. This might be the very opportunity you needed to shove you onto the right one. The path you follow needs to fit not just your body, but your heart and soul.
09 Feb 19 by member: ConiMN
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You have not once taken me to task for all my faults and foibles...so you better stop beating yourself up. You keep telling me to get right back on the wagon and forget about those mistakes well...were you lying to me?!?!?! I doubt it!! Take a deep breath and remember that you aren't doing it for yourself...you're doing it for ME! Bwahahahaha! Well that's what I tell myself when I screw up...I'm doing this for Debbie!! She's definitely in the top five for best cousins and I don't want to let her down!! Do what you have to do! Pick yourself up, we're all here to help! When you reach out to pick up that diet coke, reach out to one of us instead! Put it down and pick us up!! That's what we're all here for!
09 Feb 19 by member: katies71
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Thanks for sharing. Every day we arise, it is a new day. Forget what lies behind, press on.
09 Feb 19 by member: jan-e333
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I will certainly pray for you, as I know you have for me, Debbie. I know how difficult it is to get out of a tailspin, and I have confidence that you will work through this. One foot in front of the other, now that you've made a clean breast of things. It's especially difficult to admit our faults to ourselves and turn the page. The clean page is only a few hours away. Sleep well and start again. The fall isn't as important as the getting up again.
09 Feb 19 by member: Miraculum
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Prayers going your way 🙂 and a reaching hand to pull you back on the wagon with the rest of us on FS . It happens to the best of us to stumble , I’ve lost close family and expected to replace them with other family members not that that’s the same but either way it just doesn’t work . My expectations were my worst enemy . Hope this helps 😉
09 Feb 19 by member: tracker84321
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Don't call it it failure, or cheat, we all need those days off.
You have done a great job, you will be fine! 💕🙏
09 Feb 19 by member: Keilin_4
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By no means is anything you have done a "failure". You can pick yourself back up and keep on strolling in the direction you desire. Am praying for your strength and ability to do the best you can and not be discouraged by distractions and overcome your obstacles. You got this ❤ and God has you!
09 Feb 19 by member: MrsMJ1981
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Sometimes the stress of "dieting" makes me eat more - hang in there, change takes a long time!
09 Feb 19 by member: abbadabba
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No justification needed except you are human. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forgive yourself. We can always start fresh again. That's the promise we are made for when we fail. Prayin'
10 Feb 19 by member: Phil2001
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NO FAILURE HERE YOU GOT THIS sometime you going to stress eat it ok .just brush yourself off and get back to it NO WORRIES let do this❤
10 Feb 19 by member: Tracie Ward
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Kudos for being real and open about it. I fell off the wagon with my regular workouts about two weeks ago now. It’s been one thing after another,3 kids sick and me the flu now. I’ve done pretty good on watching my intake tho still and some days are better than others. I think what makes you so real about this journey is that you take accountability even if it’s days later....trust me I’m disappointed in me too, but st the end of the day, I’m human and so are you and even celebrities “ fall off the wagon” and have cheat days. I don’t care what anyone says
10 Feb 19 by member: AmberLynnAllx3
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being way too hard on yourself! diet slips happen all the time.... you just have to think why did you start in the first place? is it important to you, as in really important. Sometimes when the world is falling apart around you, structure and consistency with things that are totally in your control of can help you start to get back up......
10 Feb 19 by member: ketotlc
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Hi Debbie, i can relate. In fact I think everyone here can relate. Listen. I don't have a scale. I moved with my brother in the mountains. I have a great big loft above the garage. I have a toaster oven, hot water kettle and that is it for cooking. I can go down into the home and use real appliances. But prefer to manage on my own minimally with what I have. I eat lots of soup, beans, eggs, veggies raw and cooked chicken and fish. Hot tea, coffee and water. I have lost lots of weight living without influence from the family. Now a few days ago I went and bought a large pizza and consumed all of it in under 30 min. Why? I don't know. Hungry, Sounded like the bomb and it was. The few days before when I went off the mountain to go shopping. I stopped at a donut shop and bought 4 fresh donuts to take back up the mountain with me. I ended eating all 4 in one sitting that night?? So i realize it is a science mind over body to stay on tract. Just remember we can jump right back in it. Hopefully we get wiser and have less of those episodes. You can and will succeed. I am single. But that is one reason I can honestly say I wish I had a support friend going through this with me. Would be much easier I think.
10 Feb 19 by member: i8uwithalime
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One day at a time and don't be so hard on yourself! We can do it ...... you know you can and I know you can do it 🙌 💃 💃💃 💃 hug
10 Feb 19 by member: Sweetlysad
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I’m praying for you. I also agree that beating your self down over this is not helpful. We all have times were we go off our diets. I know you can get back on track and put this behind me.
10 Feb 19 by member: Qeeks
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Each new morning is a do over. New beginnings. Don't be hard on yourself we are human. You can do this.
10 Feb 19 by member: wblgal
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JUST START OVER! We all do this. JUST START OVER> Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
10 Feb 19 by member: iulani
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It's a Neverending battle. Don't give up or give in
10 Feb 19 by member: Daniel Brew
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Past is past. We all should live in the moment and try to make good decisions but justification can be powerful. The worst is behind you!!
10 Feb 19 by member: SUESF
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I agree with so many here who have said to let it go and move forward. You did not disappoint us nor fail us, you merely showed you’re human, just like the rest of us. I used to order up until this year and eat a large pizza just for myself for watching movies on a Sat night. Any I didn’t polish off at night, I would have cold for breakfast as did my husband , who has had to stents and normally watches his diet. We finally switched to medium pizzas, and haven’t had one in about 4 months. Your pizza was a fraction of what I have done in the past. I agree with one of the commentators about your needing some freedom from restrictions. Maybe you needed some time off. Back in 2000, we did Body for Life, which included one cheat day bc our metabolism was high due to the exercise regime. My husband and I both were at our lowest weight and extremely fit by weight lifting and using HIT aerobics. So, perhaps you need to up the exercise and allow yourself one day of eating off your program. Just some ideas...not advice. You know yourself best. (You may want to donate the coke to a food bank to get it out of your house if it is a food you cannot control.) Today is a new day. The past is the past. Consider why u needed those carbs, plan for needed changes and move forward. You are not alone. We all have to wrestle with food.
10 Feb 19 by member: justdoit!
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Debbie Cousins's Weight History
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