peeperjj's Journal, 16 Jun 18

Quite frustrated. Inlaws invited us to dinner and hubby accepted even though he knew my gift to him was eating at his favorite Chinese place.

The restaurant has no nutritional information so I just have to guess at portion sizes and calories (buffet only). I dislike Chinese food immensely and trying to guess what they have that would be healthy and find information on that is getting on my nerves.

The main reason is probably because these people have no boundaries and are disrespectful at every turn. We’ve been in a ‘family fight’ since early January. Passive aggressive people so it’s little jabs here and there and hubby doesn’t want to Make waves until after their partnership has been re-evaluated and a new contract written and signed. I ask when this will be and his reply is ‘Is there a timeframe? When do you expect me to get this done? Do you hate the that much?’ Why he’s dear I’m starting to as they didn’t care for my children’s safety and that’s what made us realize that we had to say something. Just walking in, telling me it didn’t bother them that I wasn’t dressed, didn’t have my fake boob on, my oncologist is/was stupid etc was one thing. Leaving my kids alone in a break room with strange men in and out with nobody to know if they were kidnapped after they’d insisted they wanted to watch them at their home pushed me past my limits of forgiveness and respect for my elders. I changed plans for these people so they could have the kids after school during my surgery. I didn’t ask them, they asked me and this isn’t the first time they’ve lied about their plans and expected us to be ok not knowing where the kids are-even my 3 yr old!

Now we have to move plans around because they decided on Saturday morning that they wanted us to come over on Sunday evening when we always have plans. Normally they don’t want to do anything. If so they want to meet at a restaurant. I asked hubby what theyw anted hs to bring and what the meal plan was and he said to bring nothing and they didn’t tell him what food and when he asked what the plans were just ‘don’t worry about the food, they’ll make stuff we all like and after we eat we will play cards.

Honestly this sounds like 10-13 years ago when they surprised us with a family meeting to defend their behavior and I and the other wife who married into the family were asked to stay home with the kids because it was an issue for them and their children only. That’s when I realized I wasn’t family just someone to birth their grandkids and since then I’ve learned my feelings and traditions don’t matter-only their wants.

If you are still reading this then plz know I’m writing my feelings away rather than eating them away. For hours I’ve struggled not to eat or blow a fuse. I’ve had a ton of sugar free gum but that’s better than my hidden treat stash. Every holiday is now stressful as these people assume that since I’ve lose my mom Dad and stepdad that I will change all other plans to accommodate their plans. We had all day today free and up until 6pm tomorrow open. But they insist it must be 6pm tomorrow so I’ll twke him to lunch instead and the kids are making him dinner tonight instead of lunch tomorrow. We’ve had the dinner tradition for 13 years and moved it from Saturday to Sunday 8 years ago when we moved to a town that has restaurants lol. Before we had to drive over an hour each way to eat something besides pizza or a burger. Lunch tradition was started 4-5 years ago when my oldest was old enough to want to learn some basic cooking and come up with a meal he would like and that she could make with my help. That’s their main gift to him is the meal. They did this on mother’s day too saying ‘with your mom gone do you really have to go see the rest of your family?’ When I insisted we did then they decided they needed the meal that hubby takes me out for. They insist on having our kids on their birthdays etc and this is nothing new. Controlling, manipulative, disrespectful and pushes boundaries just to see how far I’ll let them as per what my counselor says. I’m to avoid them like the plague except on days that I’m full of energy and my depression and anxiety is stable to the point I know I won’t be disrespectful back. Lol that’s most days except when I’m around his mom. She can take an awards assembly for one of my kids and make it all about her and her other grandkids to the point of making my kids cry because their grandparents don’t love them like they do the other kids. Which is why we didn’t invite them this year and I didn’t cave to the manipulation. But what did she expect when she called the school pretending to be me?? Because she didn’t believe me when I told her they hadn’t sent out the information yet and she was told the same thing then I was told at the school that I shouldn’t need the information after I’d already called!! Took a bit to straighten that mess out.

So here’s to me keeping my mouth shut tomorrow while I don’t eat and hopefully can be tactful when thythe get angry that I’m not eating! I didn’t sabatoge their diets and even asked them what they could have and made it for them(essentially 2-3 meals every dinner we had them over). They could at th very least let us know what the dishes will be so I can figure out what foods and what portions I could have while keeping to my usual 200-500 calorie lunch. Here’s also to me not pulling my hair out tomorrow and not stressing over it as I can’t change a single thing just what I do and how I react -like not eating if they can’t tell me what the meal is to be. I should be a bitch and take my own food but they’ll take that as me being rude and refusing to eat food they prepared. Which I think is the point as this is the first time ever that they’ve refused to tell us what even the main dish is going to be.

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1202 kcal

Fat: 43.91g | Prot: 67.36g | Carbs: 139.38g.   Lunch: J.C. Potter Pork Sausage, Onions , Egg, Bell Peppers, Banyan Foods Egg Roll Wrappers, Kraft Natural Finely Shredded Mexican Style Four Cheese. Dinner: Dynasty Sliced Water Chestnuts, Great Value Less Sodium Soy Sauce, Minute Instant Enriched Long Grain White Rice, Foster Farms Asian Style Marinated Raw Chicken Breast Pieces, Eden Foods Toasted Sesame Oil, Fresh Selections Shredded Carrots, Broccoli , Green String Beans. Snacks/Other: Jack Link's Original Beef Steak, Malt-O-Meal Berry Colossal Crunch. more...

135 kcal

Exercise: Guess - 1 hour, Apple Health - 23 hours. more...