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Okay, so this is going to be a long journal entry. You have my permission to skip right over this one.
Third day home from the hospital and feeling stronger each day. I plan to wait until Monday to start back up on my elliptical, and even then I plan to dial the resistance back and start out at a shorter time - then work myself back up to where I was before I got sick. This is what the doctor says is best for recovery.
I am eating mostly vegetables and some yogurt because I just haven't felt like eating much meat...and the garden tomatoes,green beans, and zucchini are so yummy! I really expected to come home from the hospital with a huge weight loss since they wouldn't let me eat for 2 days in order to let my digestive system reboot. I lost some weight, but not what I imagined while I sat in that room wishing for a bite to eat and a glass of water.
Here's the part you might want to skip...I need to rant a little...or maybe it is whine a little...my feelings are hurt. Like most women, I spend much of my time taking care of my family...the nurturing-feeding-emotional-cleaning-up-after-listening-to-chauffeuring-keep-you-company kind of caring. GoodMan is the work-to-provide-for-our-home-and-lifestyle-logical-do-what's-right-truly-a-GOOD-MAN kind of caring. And those differences in caring styles cause me to feel hurt sometimes.
The day I got sick GoodMan had 6 of our grandsons at a stock car race about 2 hours from home. The plan was he was going to bring the boys back to our house after the race and we would keep them until Tuesday. I texted him a couple of times during the day to let him know I was feeling crummy. (I have a history of getting very sick, very fast...like perfectly fine at 8pm and hospitalized for 9 days with an infection by 11pm kind of fast). I texted him just before the races started to let him know I was going to head to the ER. It has been an unusual theme for us that when I get sick he is unable to take me to the hospital. In thirtysome years of marriage I've been in the ER probably 10 times and he's taken me once - always for good reasons, just like this time. Anyway, when the grandson's parents (three sets of parents) found out I was in the hospital they started calling to arrange to pick up their boys. GoodMan told the parents the kids want to stay and he was perfectly happy for them to continue with their original plans. This meant that any visits or support for me from GoodMan at that time was very limited...{insert hurt feelings here}
When I got home from the hospital GoodMan got out of the car and walked in the house leaving me to carry in my own bags. Then after a few minutes inside he asked me if I would pack his suitcase for his upcoming business trip...{insert tears here}...{now insert a shocked and guilty face on GoodMan}...we had a long talk. I spelled out the level of care I was expecting from him (like taking care of me - rather than expecting me to take care of him). I told him I was hurt that he would choose watching the grandsons over me and he explained a little of his thinking...he said, "all I could think was, 'What if the situation was reversed and I was in the hospital? Would the kids call Denise and ask to pick the boys up? Would they think SHE couldn't handle it? Well, I wanted them to know I could handle things just as well as anybody!"...in one of the most honest moments of our marriage I told him, "Yes, Richard, they WOULD have called me to see about picking up the boys if you were in the hospital. They know that I would have wanted to be there for you...and IF they didn't call me I would have called them!" ...I think a light bulb came on and he finally understood why I felt hurt.
Just now, GoodMan was leaving for work. As he walked out the door he said, "I just set up the fans and vents in the office so you will find the optimal coolness for your elliptical workout today." When I told him I can't workout before Monday (but thanks anyway), he looked bummed...You see, he's not My kind of caring, but he's a logical-thinking-good-man-kind of caring...my GoodMan. {insert eye roll here}
TTFN
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 Comments
loved it,, I have one too,, and coincidently his Name Is Richard,, maybe something in the name .
14 Aug 15 by member: Tamarah Jo
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Maybe it's a generational thing. My daughters' husbands/boyfriends are much more thoughtful and sympathetic than my husband ever was. When you give everything you have to your family all you want in return is a little of the same. I totally get it. Take care.
14 Aug 15 by member: teskandar
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First - I am so glad you are home and doing better. Second - yes, sometimes I wonder what goes on inside the minds of men. My spouse is a true sweetheart but simply misses the boat half the time when there is an opportunity to be sensitive.
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So glad you shared that. My husband, whose has now passed on, was a typical man in that respect also, although sometimes he did things for me that I did not expect. So I guess we gave all experienced this once or twexpectHoping you continue to improve everyday.
14 Aug 15 by member: jferg1949
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So glad you are doing better. Sorry your DH wasn't on the same page as you re: what you needed from him. That seems to often be the case with many men. I know my 1st DH was that way as well. He often just simply didn't think of how I would feel. It was sweet of him to set up your fans, they will be ready for Monday. ;) He probably didn't think you might not be up to that workout yet. He just expects you to be strong and able to do things.
14 Aug 15 by member: wholefoodnut
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I'm glad you are mending. It stinks when your spouse isn't on the same page as you but you should feel proud you talked it out. Not everyone is willing to do that. It is a lot better than letting it stew and getting worse. Hopefully he will spoil you rotten for a few days to make up for it.
14 Aug 15 by member: RoseFlorida
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Hipaagrammy's Weight History
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