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Good morning everyone! Not sure why I'm up so early during summer vacation but I'll take it as a sign that I'm supposed to go to the gym this morning. Once tot watch opens I shall.
It's day three for me, and last night I was battling some serious demons. It's easier to be fat, to not count calories, to eat whatever your pretty little heart desires. It's easier to not look for some form of intentional exercise daily, and not count every step you take. It's easier in daily life, it's easier at social gatherings, it's easier in class/clinicals and it's easier on vacations. But when exactly did I fall back into this 'easier' mindset? For over a year I busted ass and lost over one hundred pounds, only to run into a brick wall and fall into the pit of 'easier'. All is not lost, as I'm grateful myawethenticself pointed out. Still down over eighty. Still an on again off again exerciser (is that a word? lol) and dieter. But I'm ready to stop being off again.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a point in this journey where it gets easy, or at least it feels that way. A moment when the gym trips seem routine, and counting calories is second nature. The hardest parts, for me, are already past. I've mastered the art of calorie counting that new dieters struggle with, I've mastered my fear of the gym. I just need to get back to the part where its not so damn hard. I remember the crappy weigh ins after a perfect week, or (heaven forbid) the +1 or +2s after doing everything right. That sucked, but it was part of the process. I backed you up when things weren't going right, and you backed me up. I miss that.
So last night I sat on my couch, thinking about how bad I want to quit; to throw in the towel and try again another day. I have parties to attend this weekend and boy would all of that food taste so good. I thought about the stress of school, the stress of home, and how I deserve to be able to treat myself. But I realize it's not treating myself at all. Treating myself to diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity and low self esteem maybe. These changes are hard. They were hard the first time and they are hard the second time... but they are worth it. So instead of grabbing some snacks I logged onto fatsecret and started reading my buddies' journals. I gave myself a real profile picture (I know you're shocked to discover that I'm not an avocado) to really root myself to this profile again; to really be present.
This year I will find a way to balance school, clinicals, and my diet/exercise program. It's not impossible, it's not too hard, and I deserve it. I am going to make goal before my graduation next year, and it's going to be awesome. Some times I get discouraged because I know I'm not ever going to have a bikini body (or normal looking, I'd settle for that) without surgery to fix my skin, and that makes me kind of sad. Guess that's just one of those things... use it as a reminder of where I came from, and maybe someday donate it to a burn unit just like I've donated my hair and blood. Something positive from something negative.
Anywho, I guess I woke up early so that I could not only go to the gym but purge my thoughts on all of you. lol I hope all is well with my buddies, have a great day!
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1395 kcal
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Fat: 53.32g | Prot: 98.33g | Carbs: 122.77g.
Breakfast: Dannon Light & Fit Greek - Blueberry, Coffee-Mate Original Powder Creamer, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Egg, Great Value Wheat Sandwich Bread. Lunch: Kikkoman Soy Sauce, Great Value Deluxe Stir-Fry, Publix Boneless Skinless Chicken Thigh. Dinner: Rising Crust Pepperoni Pizza. Snacks/Other: Great Value Creamy Peanut Butter, Meijer Reduced Fat Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Great Value Almond Milk Original Unsweetened. more...
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 Comments
If I may...
Take a look at your Cholesteral level...You can make big strides by cutting out the egg yoke while eating eggs. They make a huge difference and you could even eat more of the whites. I use three whites to make omlets...
Also drink more water...it displaces the need for food. Portion control...eat more soups!
Good luck on your journey.
24 Jun 15 by member: genedougherty
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Yolanda,, I loved your blog, it is so encouraging for those that are struggling to find the will . Thanks so much.
And please don't not eat the yolk,, its the best part of the egg for you ;-)
24 Jun 15 by member: Tamarah Jo
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I have not lost 100 lbs, but rather lost and gained the same 10 over and over. I have been told the up and down wreaks havoc on metabolism. Maybe if we remember to stay more even keeled it will help more than just how to look in our jeans :) Good luck friend
24 Jun 15 by member: Nicole Strong Barrett
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You can do it Yolanda. Have a nice day as well.
24 Jun 15 by member: snezica
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Lots of wisdom and unfortunately, truths. I love your medical thinking.... heart disease, diabetes.... Lucky to have a nurse with us. It is definitely the wavelength we should be on. Think what we're doing to our bodies vs rewarding ourselves or as I am prone to do... weakening. I had to stop and think why I slipped up for 2 days and can only say I could use the stress and depression as an excuse. Makes no sense. The cake I ate was LOUSY. But I ate another piece and some the next day. Even while doing it I knew I had to get back on track. But had no guilt. Crazy stuff this getting healthy. Toughest thing I've ever done in my life.
24 Jun 15 by member: ClassicRocker
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You are truely an inspiration :)
24 Jun 15 by member: schmetterling34
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Very very true! Lets not take the "easier"route that will ultimately damage every aspect of our lives! Cheering you on!
24 Jun 15 by member: UmmBilal
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You've got a lot more daily battles than some people who are on their weight-loss journeys as well, between raising a family, going to school, dealing with big issues in your personal life, etc... And a lot of people would give up on weight-loss altogether because in some ways it is easier. But if you didn't recognize the importance of health, you wouldn't be here trying again after each setback. You are so strong, even if the self-talk in your mind or rude outside sources say otherwise sometimes. I definitely get the feel about never having a "normal" body without surgery. I'm in my early 20s, never had kids, and I still managed to mess my body up. When I realized this, I was in a darker place than I'd been in a long time, full of a self-hatred that almost ruined everything. Somehow I made it out of that because, like you, I get that weight-loss is bigger than having a flawless outward appearance. I know you'll reach your goal, because the key is not to be perfect 24/7, it's to just keep going. And you're doing it! :)
24 Jun 15 by member: EmmaMaJig
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You are so right my friend in that it would be easier to not exercise, not count calories and just do whatever. But just like everything thing else, there are responsibilities. Just think of your daughter and what she's going through and her need for you to be around to support her too. This weight loss thing is a journey...not a vacation. Great thoughts...it helps us all. Again Yolanda, you are amazing!
24 Jun 15 by member: aggie95
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I think you are doing great. It is hard some days if you just allow yourself some wiggle room then you can have that great food at the parties just not all of it. Try putting just a taste of what you really want and maybe have a large salad before you go. Being on a diet is a fact of life everyone is on a diet. It is just that some of the world metabolize there food better than others. Those of us who have a slow metabolism have to eat less and be constantly on the move doing something. Keep up the good work and when you really want something not just because it is easy but really want it then have it. Just don't eat the whole pint or the whole cake just a small amount or what they say is a serving and eat it slow so you can enjoy every wounder full bite. I still eat cookies, cake, etc I do not want to loose weight so fast that I have to worry about that extra skin. I looked into how to prevent the saggy skin and it is loosing the weight slow and steady. It will take me about two years to loose all of the weight but that is okay as long as my belly does not drag the ground when I am finished.
24 Jun 15 by member: Daisey B
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