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Friday - December 20th and I'm happy to report I've survived yet another drive by mouthing at the WalMart. Or as Cutty often replied when I'd share these experiences with him, 'I'm amazed your mouth hasn't gotten you shot by now.'
Color me smug (not of that, I too am surprised every time I get out of there alive) that I consider it a victory off all the times I hear myself on the verge of uttering phrases I thought I'd never use - comments like 'do it because I said so' or 'okay, fine.. but don't come running to me when you chop your leg off with the weed eater' - I am proud to say I've never played 'The Santa Card.' You know, the one practically EVERY other parent has been playing on their kids for at least a month now. It goes like this:
Parent and child in public.
Child is misbehaving by touching things on shelves, whining or trying to open the chips in the shopping cart.
Parent says, "If you don't behave, all those presents under the tree are going BACK!"
When the grandsons were young I NEVER had presents under the tree - just a train set around a lighted village and stuffed animals. You know, come to think of it, I still didn't put presents under the tree when they grew older - but then we haven't had a tree up in years. Nonetheless, back in the day, when they'd visit and ask 'where are the presents?' I'd answer 'we have to wait until Christmas eve - list checking and all, you know.' But so far, knock wood, I never welded Christmas like a punishing stick. Hopefully I'll be able to maintain this if I live long enough to see my great-grandchildren.
When Blondie's clan would spend Christmas Eve with us it was a snap getting them to go to bed early because 'the earlier you go to bed, the earlier we get on the reindeer route.' Then I'd set the alarm to get up about 5am (I needed an alarm then - I actually slept) and viola - gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. I figured THAT system out after the first year when I'd put them out BEFORE going to bed and woke to my own little elves having a party under the tree at midnight. 'Look Nana, Santa came here first!' The living room was a flurry of wrapping paper and spilled milk and cookies.
But the other night, as the Mom loudly screeched that same 'threat' at her toddler for about the sixth time .. something akin to 'presents back... stop interrupting me .. Mommy's trying to think' ... I lost it and commented out loud to the air 'So Are the REST of Us!' I didn't look at her directly but .. yikes.
I think I'll go design the 'Safe Shopper Mouth Guard'. Something akin to the thing those football players or boxers clamp between their teeth to keep them from being knocked out. Maybe a nice sugar free minty flavor.
I'll try to journal something 'All things Food' later - I was just sitting here staring at my tree while I sipped my coffee thinking about 'The Santa Card.' Hope you're having a great Friday.
Bella
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 Comments
Anytime I have to go to Walmart, it's a terrible experience. Ours is particularly overrun with horrible people it seems. Hubby too yells at me for not keeping my mouth shut at times... Sometimes I just can't bite my tongue. Did the mom's threat actually work? No one ever really takes Christmas presents back so any smart kid has to know it's an empty threat!
20 Dec 13 by member: Bkeller1023
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That is so funny and something all of us have though about when listening to a whinny child in a shopping store. I have actually had to leave a store because there was a uncontrollable child in the store and I thought I would scream if I stayed there any longer. Sometimes it doesn't bother me as much but that day I just couldn't listen to it. I like your idea about not putting the presents out early, we never did put them out early either. Hope you have a great day.
20 Dec 13 by member: SJacqueline
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While I never threatened my boys that way… I don't think, but they may say differently!… I certainly did & do (even though they're 21 & 24 now!) remind them that Santa is watching! Have a great day, great friend! xoxox
20 Dec 13 by member: Ruhu
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The older I get, the more difficult it is to keep my mouth shut! Some things just need to be said. I don't remember playing the Santa card much. I always wanted to steer away from glorifying the commercial side of Christmas too much - there were presents but I tried to emphasize the true reason for the season instead of the smoke and mirrors that grow more and more out of hand with every generation. Anyway, I think the mother in question is the one who needed the mouth guard, not you!
20 Dec 13 by member: evelyn64
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Wow, what hapenned to peace on earth? Kids hyped up on sugar and the expectation of gifts. Parents stressed out by the shopping, decorating, cooking, family stuff. I made the mistake of going into Walmart during Christmas shopping and I got lost in there. The crowds started freaking me out and I couldn't find my way out. Circled the edge of the store three times before I found an exit. Scarred me for life, now I need an escort to go shopping there.
20 Dec 13 by member: fatoldlady
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I hear you! I do try to avoid stores as much as possible, except in the middle of the week. Seems to be fewer folks frantic on Wednesdays in the stores, no matter what time of year it is. That said, I also avoid the first Wednesday of the month around here; that's senior discount days and the crowds can be awful.
I think sometimes we forget that kids are human beings just like we are only a bit younger. We can be gruff, sad, moody but kids get yelled at for the same things. I wish parents would remember that. And kids easily get excited by all the excitement around them (be it good or frantic).
20 Dec 13 by member: kclab
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FYI - I was tense about the Mommy yelling at the kid, not the kid. The kid was doing it's job. The Mommy was letting Santa do hers and intruding on the 'personal audio space' of everyone else around her.
20 Dec 13 by member: FullaBella
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Yeah - this is why I shop online at home in my pajamas!
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Hahahaha...DH and a couple of my girlfriends hate to go anywhere with me because of my mouthiness. Put my order for the guard in first.
20 Dec 13 by member: Neptunebch
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I barely escaped a physical altercation in a Walmart in some other state with a man I mouthed off by; wasn't talking about him but he took it personally & came after me. I weaved around a family with a cart full of beer & chips, losing the man among the kidlets. I don't do Walmarts any more!!! :oD
20 Dec 13 by member: crabby Kat
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Walmart is not a good place to be this time of year ... at all! You guys are brave to enter that domain. Online shopping is what I did this year. Last year, I was out in the mall working ... so I got more into the spirit. Saying that, my mom returned everything I bought her and my son only liked half of what we bought him. I never knew if my So..... gift cards it is from now on.
22 Dec 13 by member: Mom2Boxers
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Haha. I've never been to a WalMart (I don't think we have them in Manhattan), but I can just imagine. Have a peaceful holiday, dear Bella.
22 Dec 13 by member: Helewis
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