jcmama777's Journal, 25 Sep 19

I was going to post the cold shoulder pink shirt pics yesterday. Found out I’m uninvited to my nieces 15th birthday yesterday morning 😔 the one I had raised the longest. My sister doesn’t want me there, because she is going to be there for the first time in 3 years. I bawled my eyes out for a minute and then was like, ok😊 thank God she is making changes for the better. I’m ok with not being there if it means my sister is trying to get her life back. Walked my little to his bus stop yesterday afternoon ( p. m kindergarten) got the best compliment from my mother.😊 she has noticed my weight loss but she just made me feel really good🤗 I had to go straight to my rheumatologist. Got complemented even more. Autoimmune disease, RA and Fibromyalgia. She wants to put me in aqua therapy for pain. I don’t have the time or $ for it. We all have a back story. I posted something today that thought I had super put in the back of my mind and realized I’m so still sensitive to it. Coming home and seeing some negativity on FS was awful and so I didn’t bother posting my pictures. I suffer from anxiety and PTSD🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have multiple personalities. Like some people like to post, just to post because they are mad. FS is like bossy book. At the end of the day we all have real life to live and all it’s extras. Today is a new day. I did yoga thank you Court ❤️💕 I did my stair climber and slayed to Little Sally Walker👍😉 on repeat, 3 times in a row and actually had forehead sweat, amongst everywhere else. I’m doing squats again. I let people ruin my happy and that’s simply not going to happen here ever again. I know my real reals. That’s all that matters. Be kind, you don’t know what others are going through ❤️💕 

Nosey book, like FB. Bottom line, do what works for you and when you find your happiness in yourself, not counting children etc, don’t let people take you down. I’m empathetic and super sensitive. I’m ok with that. I feel things a little more deep.  

JCmama, you are doing amazing!! Families can be cruel without thinking sometimes as can people here on FS. Thankfully more people than not are supportive here, ignore the ones who are not. I also have PTSD from prior spouse abuse and being able to talk here has helped me immensely. I've been here since 2012. It gets better over time and flares up less often. My panic attacks are now rare, the flashbacks less and my life is rather calm and OK. Exercise raises your endorphin levels and helps relieve the stress that can push you over that edge. Part of me losing weight was finding a way to feel better about myself. It was baby steps and super emotional days of facing the demons. I feel OK and happy now most of the time because I have found me again. That is huge, I was lost.  

JCmama, you are doing amazing!! Families can be cruel without thinking sometimes as can people here on FS. Thankfully more people than not are supportive here, ignore the ones who are not. I also have PTSD from prior spouse abuse and being able to talk here has helped me immensely. I've been here since 2012. It gets better over time and flares up less often. My panic attacks are now rare, the flashbacks less and my life is rather calm and OK. Exercise raises your endorphin levels and helps relieve the stress that can push you over that edge. Part of me losing weight was finding a way to feel better about myself. It was baby steps and super emotional days of facing the demons. I feel OK and happy now most of the time because I have found me again. That is huge, I was lost.  

Wholefoodnut ❤️❤️❤️😔 thank you so much and I’m sorry you had a deep story to share too. I have been having anxiety all day and just tears because I don’t mind sharing, but I don’t think I was ready to share the one thing I did today😩😔 it brought up super raw emotions like it was something new. It was super put in the back of my mind, not speaking it but writing it, it was too real. Part of me wants to take it down because it’s bringing back way too much and it’s super vulnerable and one was a brutal attack with, I cannot talk about it anymore. But thank you so much.  

I am so happy for you that you were able to work past that wholefoodnut ❤️  

Oh that is a bit of a blow. Glad you found the good in it! I may be missing something but are you doing that many squats. WOW 

You are strong, you will be OK. Just takes time and finding yourself. For me it has been a lot of years and I could share with anyone except therapy groups for a long time.  

Liv, I did this challenge after I had my little and lost a lot of weight. I haven’t started another squat challenge since that stuck. I was doing squats when I first started here. I did them in the shower before work. Between my total hysterectomy the end of May and getting sick right after surgery and it was an exercise I wasn’t allowed to do for 10-12 weeks. It’s easier to do when you have a buddy to do them with. I got super sick again like 2.5 weeks ago. It takes me a little longer to get better. Today I just needed to do the 🧘🏻‍♀️ and loved it🤗 pressed on with the stair climber and some squats because it felt good. It was a nice relief. The post wasn’t posted on my page. I’m very open, just something that I shared that after I did, I realized I wasn’t ready and I struggled all day. Hence going hard working out, well not like working out like others, but big for me. It’s a post I might delete because it’s awful. I’m all about sharing Incase someone else can relate and not feel alone. I’m just struggling with it. Anyways, I would love to start the squat challenge again.  

Wow, I just remembered when I was starting here and doing my shower squats, Gingrins... we were supposed to start the challenge. It lasted 2 days I think.  

I remember this song! Thanks for bringing it up and for just being you. 😊🥰💖 

🎶 Can’t nobody take my pride, can’t nobody hold me down, oh no I got to keep on moving 🎵 ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ . JC - delete the post - or if you aren't able to on your end, I can try on mine (FS is glitchy, so there are times I have tried to delete posts and it wouldn't). It is scary, but brave, when we emotionally expose ourselves. Particularly if it is about something we haven't fully allowed ourselves to process or acknowledge. I understand your situation with your sister. It is EXTREMELY difficult when you as the aunt play a vital role in your nieces life and mom decides to be a mom when and if she chooses - it takes a strong person, like yourself, to know the art of letting go and hope for the best. It is nice when other's notice our weight loss! NSV!!! Mental health is just as important as physical health. It is a shame that some people perpetuate the stereotype and taboos of those who are improving their mental health. It is just as heinous and ignorant as talking about someone with a physical condition. Or talking to someone without understanding their physical condition which they have every right not to share or discuss to prove anything. When people use mental health as an insult to others - they are also saying "people trying to improve mental health" are bad. Those who are working to improve their mental health are usually more vulnerable and less harmful than those who are not working on or don't need to improve their mental health. You are right - everyday is a new day! Don't let people or the past ruin your happy. That gives a$$holes power over you. Easier said than done. I know, I struggle with that too - albeit privately. Let me know next time you are on your laptop and I will be happy to PM you all about it.  

I love that song a little Puff Daddy and Mace🎵🎶💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 Thanks laraae love❤️💕😘 it’s a reminder to myself and some positive advice for all💕❤️ Don’t let people take your happiness and don’t let life life bring you down. We all have a story and it’s better to just be kind💕❤️Love ya Laraae  

I feel what you're saying about not letting other people in your head. It's tough sometimes because I don't see Fat Secret as a place to troll. When I first joined this site in 2015 I used my full name and was completely transparent and regularly posted progress pics from over 450 pounds to 180 pounds in less than 12 months. I avoided fights, but unfortunately the entire time I was continuously harassed, trolled, and called out into fights simply because I did Keto. I'm 6'3" and built like an NFL defensive end, no one talks crazy to me in person, and unfortunately I don't have much patience with online trolls. It got bad enough that I deleted the account I started in 2015, I had no idea that people used this site for anything besides support. I made a new account in late 2016 because I've got a lot of friends here and I can easily ignore the small group of people that think it's fun to be antagonistic, but I'm less transparent than I used to be because I don't owe my detractors anything. Thanks for the inspiring post, I was ten years old when Break My Stride was released, just celebrated my daughter's seventh birthday, and I refuse to feel old!  

Court💕❤️😘 I’m ok with it if it helps other people. It brought up a lot of flashbacks backs but maybe having it buried away, was not helping me face it. It’s a stigma about it too, like for some reason it’s embarrassing or you feel dirty. The reality is, it was something that wasn’t my fault. I was 16 the first time and I got dropped off on the highway. Ugh....it happened and I cannot change it. But clearly I need to maybe deal with it. So maybe in that post by sharing after skinny and wholefoodnut it was a start.❤️💕 

I will get on Court 💕 

Jc, I want to give you a hug. HUG HUG. I can't say anything that hasn't been said, just know you are doing fabulous and are beautiful. Keep being you.  

You go Girl!  

Well, one thing I don't mind sharing publically is that I moved to Henderson, NV - just outside of Las Vegas - not too long after undergrad. Vegas is known for being very unsafe for women because of all the prostitution. At the time, I did not have a car so had to bus it everywhere. Once I was stopped by a pimp and once this guy handed me a typed letter talking about "dear girl in the red and black"...something I had worn weeks prior to. He was stalking me. Another time, a guy followed me home. I had to tell him that my big, muscular boyfriend was upstairs and would kick his tail - all I have to do is scream. There wasn't any boyfriend but it was enough to scare the guy off. I didn't have many friends out there - the one friend I did make tried to kidnap me. He was supposed to drop me home on night. But passed the street he was supposed to turn on and kept going - then when I inquired - he refused to take me home and began speaking aggressively. So, I jumped out the car and ran - boots and all. These are reasons why I want to put my niece in a defense class and why I love martial arts. With every bad encounter, I try to find a way to empower myself.  

Truly incredible