AuntieJan's Journal, 23 Jun 11

My butterfly wings were drooping a little bit yesterday. I am tired and haven't gotten in my gym time as usual, but it's all good. I get a bit stressed sometimes when I get extremely busy, and oh it is so easy to turn back to the old comfortable ways of coping with life's challenges.

I am so thankful I started posting publicly here and I continue to meet new people every week, it keeps my mind focused and gives me a home base to come back to each day. I don't think my LTP would be as successful without it. I thank each and every one of you that takes time out of your day to stop by and read my journal and comment on it.

It has gotten hot here in muggy buggy Florida, I am thankful to be working inside this week. We are in a severe drought and if we don't get rain soon they will start cancelling firework displays on the 4th of July.

I know I haven't been able to post on everyone's journals much but I do read them, I am learning more and more each day of just how important it is to have and give support, especially for someone like me who battles daily against the evils that would rob me of my true potential and not care a whip if I succeed or fail.

You see, I have long considered myself a failure. Part of this is because I was told this by several people in my life when I was much younger. I heard a lot of "can'ts" and "no's" and "won'ts", etc., and not a lot of positive counter-statements. I credit my incredibly stubborn and persistent nature that I am still here to sit here on my shrinking @$$ and type these words out loud.

So even though I have been pretty beat up and knocked around by life in the last 12 years I am still here. I AM STILL HERE. There are new possibilities and new horizons yet to be explored; heck I haven't even scratched the surface yet! I refuse to give up and if it takes a thousand journal entries I will keep slugging away at it and continue sharing my successes and challenges with you.

Yes the journal is for me to write down my thoughts and express my feelings, but I am learning that it is so much more than that. What a powerful thing the internet is... every single person that is on my buddy list has blessed me so greatly and I am privileged to have also touched a spark in each woman's soul that has happened upon my ramblings. It evokes very intense emotions in a good way for me.

I wrote a little blurb back in April about "LIVING OUT LOUD", I hold on to that thought as if it were the last thing I will ever know, because I don't ever want to slide back into a world of quiet pity ever again. So I keep forging ahead, trying to do what feels right and doing my best to allow God to show me the way to be all that He made me to be.

So this entry has been back and forth all over the place today, but you know that is where I am right now, so many things going on and all competing for my attention. But if I don't take the time to come back to my home base and regroup, gather myself, share and learn with my awesome FS peeps then I surely will fail. You can't take world on alone.

God bless and have a lovely LAVENDER day!

Peace.

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1336 kcal

Fat: 33.41g | Prot: 62.62g | Carbs: 202.91g.   Breakfast: Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bar - Oats 'n Chocolate, Chobani Nonfat Vanilla Yogurt, blueberries, 1% Milk, coffee. Lunch: Nature Valley Bar Peanut Butter, Pineapple, cottage cheese. Dinner: Back to Nature Classic Round Crackers, Select Harvest Chicken Soup, smart balance spread. Snacks/Other: Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bars - Giant Chocolate Fudge, String Cheese, Apple. more...

4018 kcal

Exercise: Drawing - 3 hours, Standing - 5 hours, Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 5 minutes, Resting - 7 hours and 45 minutes, Stretching (yoga) - 5 minutes, Weight Training (moderate) - 5 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours, Housework - 1 hour. more...