2ManyCurves's Journal, 12 Jan 14

I've ate terrible the last three days. I've logged everything for accountability. But, logging it doesn't take away the crappy choices I made. Friday, I could barely choke down anything without crying. Saturday, I could not seem to stop grazing all day. Today, there was a football banquet and I spotted cupcakes that were just too darn cute not to put on my plate. I ate only part of each of two cupcakes. Within thirty minutes Montezuma's Revenge set in and I remembered why I shouldn't ever drastically alter my diet. I get that is probably TMI. But, I think it is part of "all things food" and what happens when you devour pretty little cupcakes with icing that was probably made out of crisco and powdered sugar. I'm still feeling pretty bloated and miserable.

I had not really ran since January 2nd. I kept planning and life kept getting in the way. But, tonight I laced up my shoes and set out for what I thought was going to be a 20 minute jog. Somehow my app skipped forward though resulting in a 5K run. I was thinking to myself at one point that this seemed like a really long 20 minutes. I think it happened because I needed to do more than just a 20 minute jog just to get my head straight. The last week has been emotionally wrenching. I needed to clear my head and get in some good circulation from running. It was nice and I feel a little more re-charged. I often think to myself during my runs ...why were you procrastinating about running? Sometimes it is hard to get excited about running. I'm not sure why. I always feel better afterwards and even during the run. I wasn't particularly fast tonight and I did groan to myself several times with my run intervals always seeming to occur going uphill. But, for the most part, I'm not winded when I run and my heart doesn't pound out of my chest like it did when I first started. In fact, I think I get muscle fatigue quicker than any of the cardio/respiratory stuff gets me. I had only been working the Galloway program three days a week prior to vacation. But, I am going to push that up to every other day. I need it. Not necessarily to accelerate weight loss but maybe to keep me from becoming homicidal. Ok, that might be an exaggeration. But, I do feel that running regularly keeps me in a better mental state.

I had an incident at the football banquet that unnerved me today. It isn't a huge deal and I probably shouldn't have let it bother me. But, sometimes parents of kids who are in activities are just obnoxious. I know there are entire television shows dedicated to this subject: Dance Moms, Toddlers in Tiaras, etc. Today, I experienced that with the Football Team Mom. She is one of those people who sends you multiple nagging emails demanding you to fund-raise more, work concessions, pledge your first born, etc. I have given into the pressure on many occasions mostly to support my son. My son will be a senior next year. So I have a good three years of slaving in concession stands under the leadership of THE TEAM MOM. She has a son who will also be a senior and he is just a massively large boy who will probably be picked up on a college football scholarship. Her son is 6'4 and a good 350 pounds. He has started every game since his freshman year of high school. He is just really big and can plow through most high school teams. Everyone knows her son is a valuable player, yet she is one of those who still has to let everyone know how great he is. My son, on the other hand, has to really work to be on the team. He is 5'5 and a buck fifty on a good day. As a junior, he just got to play in a few varsity games this year. We have always known that football wasn't going to be his destiny. But, he likes the brotherhood among the team and has acquired many friends on the team. Today, we had one of those wonderful parent meetings where they are seeking volunteers. Of course THE TEAM MOM was quick to resume her same position. The coach was seeking someone for treasurer of the team. You could hear a pin drop. Absolutely no one volunteered. The coach looked at me after several minutes and I gave in and said I would do it but reminded him that it would only be this year as I have a senior. The coach thanked me and said he would get someone to shadow me so that next year the team had someone to take over after me. THE TEAM MOM wasn't having it. She interjected herself, talking over the coach, and went on to announce that whomever was treasurer would have to be accessible to her 24/7 and probably should just give her the checkbook so she could buy whatever she needed for the team when she needed it. Then, looking at me, she said, "I don't know you. But, if you are going to do it then I need you to know that I work and I will need you to be able to get things to me with little notice." Three years of receiving harassing emails from this hag, three years of serving food in the concession stand as she sat in the back gossiping about everyone and talking about how valuable her son is to the team, three years of her texting me and calling me at the last minute to cover concession sales and gate admissions because she didn't have anyone else, over a thousand dollars in medical co-payments for my son (who is in the same year as hers) having a severe head injury this past season and she announced to everyone she doesn't even know me. Someone else spoke up and offered to take the job in that very awkward moment, which was good since I don't think I was okay with volunteering to be THE TEAM MOM'S bitch once she interjected all of her requirements. The coach thanked me after the banquet anyway. But, I was kind of steaming over the situation. I've been essentially verbally abused and haggled out of money for years by someone who claims to not even know me. I mentioned to my son what had happened after the banquet as he could tell I was a little miffed...though it might have been telling with me grumbling about how I don't think they let you be THE TEAM MOM in college and she might have to go try to find some glory all on her own. I maybe shouldn't have ranted about it to him. But, what he said next kinda surprised me....he said that maybe THE TEAM MOM didn't recognize me because I had lost a lot of weight. I really don't think that was it. But, bless his heart for complimenting me when I was not in the best of mood. I let him go to the girlfriend's house after the banquet for several hours. I have to be careful now. I have probably conditioned him to compliment me so he can go hang out with his girl. I am relieved that I did not get stuck as the team treasurer. It isn't that I don't want to be supportive of my son's activities. But, with my job, this farm, both kids being in a lot of sports, and the promise I have made to myself to prioritize my own health, that would have been one too many irons in my fire.

Ah yes...I've journaled that out and got it off my chest. I feel better already.

2MC

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1781 kcal

Fat: 55.93g | Prot: 77.31g | Carbs: 243.69g.   Breakfast: Cantaloupe Melons, Pineapple, Grapes, Tomatoes, Bob Evans Scrambled Bob Evans Egg Lites (1 Egg), Bob Evans Turkey Sausage. Lunch: Milk (Nonfat), General Mills Multigrain Cheerios. Dinner: Brownie, Ground Beef (Cooked), Sour Cream, Tortilla Corn Chips, Boston Market Macaroni & Cheese, Peanut Butter Fudge, Cupcake with Icing, Barbecue Sauce, Wal-mart Deli Potato Wedges, Honey Mustard Dressing, Kroger Breaded Chicken Strips. Snacks/Other: Starburst Original JellyBeans, Tootsie Roll Tootsie Roll (Midgees), Sargento Light Mozzarella String Cheese, Sara Lee Virginia Brand Ham. more...

2181 kcal

Exercise: Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 40 minutes, Sleeping - 23 hours and 20 minutes. more...