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Checking in after 3 months in Canada- I am hoping my sleep is back on track after a week of jetlag ups and downs, so I feel good and ready to start getting back into my regular weight lifting schedule and life stuff. It has been a rollercoaster 3 months of emotional shit watching my Mom go through her cancer progression, she decided to start chemo after initially deciding against it (she has to do 4-5 infusions, today is #3 which is the first one I am not there for — after 4-5, she begins a maintenance chemo for the rest of her life) So, with that, the summary of details.
My last recorded electronic scale weight was 1.7kg less than now. My last recorded fatsecret entry was 2.1kg less than now, with a minimal 400g discrepancy between the 2. I would consider that a negligible difference. So for the sake of continuity, let’s go with a 2kg difference in 3 months.
More important than scale weight, My measurements have shown 3cm increase around hips, bum, thigh (9 cm total) I always keep weight in those areas, and it is where I notice the most impact when I lift weights regularly.
All in all what I observe is a difference between weight/measurements of winter vs summer, nothing to worry about.
March tends to be the month when I get more energy, start to dust off the “winter hibernation” feeling and become more active naturally so I roll with that feeling and get back into my active routines.
In the past 3 months what I have observed:
*Living in a house not my own, needing to surrender to the schedule of others around me
*Living with 2 children under 7 is no joke children are noisy disruptive and stress inducing at times, parents yell a lot and I am used to my zen atmosphere
*Someone else cooking the meals and being at the mercy of what is served in front of me, with no control was initially worrying me but I quickly adjusting with my mindful way of living and honouring my appetites
*North American portions and food quality is absolutely absurd - the dr.pepper sugar thing still blows my mind. - even intuitive eating can only get us so far
*I still emotionally eat occasionally as a conscious coping mechanism. Sometimes the only solution is to eat a box of ice cream sandwiches or a cake and cry for 5 hours, sleep for 10 hours, then shake it off, put on those shoes and go for a long walk in the woods to process.
*Language is extremely powerful. “I emotionally ate today” versus “I am an emotional eater” or “I had a reactive eating episode” versus “I am a binge eater” The energetic difference between taking ownership and accountability for utilizing a conscious coping mechanism versus something becoming my identity. I am not that thing, I used that thing. It realigned a more empowering perspective and allowed me to have deeper compassion for my emotionality in situations far out of my control: my mother dying in front of me - sharing space with 2 tiny dramatic noisy humans - emotionally working through some clarity on my marriage - someone else cooking all the meals and not having any control and relying only on tapping into my body signals meant being very aware.
I have come out of this experience with a deeper awareness and appreciation for the process, it felt like a “final exam” of sorts on this journey that started in 2009 and really picked up speed in 2011. In 2023 I finished my certification for being a “teacher of presence” through Eckhart Tolle’s school of awakening. And even he said if you want to see how far you have come in your awakening, in your journey, go home and live with your family. So I did, for 3 months and it was glorious in its revelations and teachings.
Ultimately I never feel that “mastery” is the end goal in the sense that I can say I have mastered this system, but instead that the only true mastery is surrender to life, and the ability to expand the self to hold space for duality will be a test of how we may define success, not of numbers and figures or any one meal or month even, and that this ability to hold space for duality regardless of circumstance, that to have faith in the tools we choose to aide us in our physical journey will be the mastery — and the greatest indicator of long term sustainability, to eschew the ideology of “on the wagon off the wagon yo-yo mindsets” into the truth… there is no wagon. There is no yo-yo. There is no spoon.
Signing off to go do deadlifts - will likely check in again in 3 months hahaha you know me….
Love bubbles from The Oracle ;)
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75 kg
Lost so far: 70 kg.
Still to go: 0 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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1247 kcal
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Fat: 18.46g | Prot: 116.61g | Carbs: 110.84g.
Breakfast: AH Mango Gesneden, AH Kwark, Van Gilse Mini Suikerklontje, Espresso Coffee, Pumpkin Pie Spice, Great Lakes Gelatin Collagen Hydrolysate, AH Biologische Halfvolle Melk. Lunch: AH Witte Bonen in Tomatensaus, Protein flatbreads. Dinner: De Zaanse Hoeve Jonge Kaas 48+, John West Tonijnmoot met een Vleugje Water, Broccoli, AH Cocktail Augurken Zoetzuur, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Snacks/Other: Protein Mousse Chocolade (AH), Tangerines (Mandarin Oranges) . more...
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Gaining 0.2 kg a Week
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