Lisa Online's Journal, 13 Nov 10

Tell Me What You See

A few days after my Mother's surgery the doctors told us she was very sick. My family didn't want to accept this at the time so we took all steps possible to save her. As the days passed, our hearts knew she fought the fight and was too tired to continue. We didn't what her to leave, but didn't want her to suffer any longer.


Saturday, November 13, 1999 in my home with my 2 month old daughter Mary I held private ceremony with candlelight, incense & song. I asked God to please gently take my Mother. I was not with my Mother physically that day, but was to be with her spiritually. All day long feeling I was standing in a sandstorm of tiny energy particles, the sensation similar to the way your hair stands up on end when emotionally charged by music, a touching movie or special event.


Dad sent my 3 sisters and Aunt home a few hours earlier that day. Upon his request they all went to their homes except for my dear friend Carla who stayed with Daddy and Mother until she took her last precious breath.


The phone rang around 7:20 that evening. My Fathers voice telling me, "It's finally over. It took longer then I thought it would. Call and tell everyone." I said okay. Surpisingly, at this very moment I felt warmth around my heart. She is gone and I knew at that very moment my life would never be the same.


An hour or so later, I heard knocking on my front door. I was surprised it was Carla. It was a long day for all of us and I assumed she would have gone straight to her home. I was happy to see her until I read that black T-shirt with white lettering reading, "GET OVER IT". At first I was shocked... why would she wear that shirt at a time like this? What was she thinking? Had anyone noticed?


Carla sat down and I decided to ask her about the T-shirt. She couldn't believe her eyes either. She said, "You know I hadn't noticed. When I was at the hospital I believe I had it covered with a light jacket. I suppose nobody saw it".


She explained to me that she was running late for work and had asked her friend Theresa to throw some casual clothing into her car for a date she had plans for that evening. When she received the call from me at her work telling her how desperate Mothers situation was, she immediately put the change of clothes on never noticing the shirt she had worn. She drove approximately 150 miles to be with my Mother and family.


We looked at each other and both laughed out loud agreeing this was the sense of humor of my Mother! Carla and I started talking about the upcoming holidays. We knew Mom enjoyed the holidays and would want us to keep tradition as much as possible. As we were discussing this, my baby became quite irritable and fussy. Our conversation became difficult almost impossible. After several minutes of this distracted conversation Carla looked at me and said, "Lisa, she would probably calm down but you need to be quiet." I didn't pay much attention and kept trying to talk. All the while the baby was getting more agitated. All of the sudden I was drawn into Carla's eyes as if I fell into them and at the moment the baby was completely quiet.


"Are you ready to listen?" Carla's voice said.


Completely understanding what was happening I said, "Mom...is that you?" I asked knowing the answer was yes before she answered. I wanted to grab a pen and paper to write down our conversation word for word but there wasn't going to be time for that. Touching my forehead, eyes and voice said, "it is time for me to go". I knew I was given the gift of saying goodby to my mother. A child can recognize love of the Mother by way of her eyes. What I experienced was beyond reasoning of this world but I knew these were precious moments ensuring me that love never dies and this knowledge is engraved in my heart forever.


Tell me what you see


John Lennon - Paul McCartney


If you let me take your heart

I will prove to you

We will never be apart

If I'm part of you


Open up your eyes now

Tell me what you see

Is it no surprise now

What you see is me


Big and Black the clouds may be

Time will pass away

If you put your trust in me

I'll make bright your day


Look into my eyes now

Tell me what you see

Don't you realize now

What you see is me


Tell me what you see


Listen to me one more time

How can I get through

Can't you try to see that I'm

Trying to get to you


Open up your eyes now

tell me what you see

Is it no surprise now

What you see is me


Tell me what you see

TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!

68.0 kg Lost so far: 19.5 kg.    Still to go: 6.8 kg.    Diet followed: 100%.

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1865 kcal

Fat: 35.00g | Prot: 56.50g | Carbs: 353.74g.   Breakfast: apple, kashi nut roll. Lunch: persimmon. Dinner: kraft macaroni and cheese, ham and cheese sandwich. Snacks/Other: Fiber Bar, starbucks caramel. more...