I’ve been awake since about 2am; finally threw in the blanket and started drinking coffee around 4am so, well, I’m wired and there’s no telling where this journal may go today. I was so frustrated to find even Alec was asleep, perched on a little branch in his bowl, I felt myself on the verge of channeling my Grandmother and one of her memorable crap slinging irrational ‘fits’ and wanted to just crank rock music and shake Mushy awake from her snoring. If Bella’s not sleeping, NObody sleeps. But I didn’t. Besides, the vacuum would have waken her more than Bob Seger. Or the weed eater.
Anyway, I was pleased to realize I was hungry this morning. I know this goes against the logic of ‘today is the second day of my better, less indulgent, clean eating’ proclamation but I consider it a good thing. Then again, being hungry at 6am after being awake since 2am is really more like lunch and that’s my normal but .. oh, well, I don’t feel like doing quantum physics logic right now. I’ll consider it a good positive.
Mainly because I was trying to recall ‘what did I do back ‘then’ that aided in my weight loss that I’m not doing now but could start doing again to see if it still helps?’ Yes, of course, fewer trips to the Cheesecake factory, taking a sabbatical from the cheeseburgers and putting down the french fries will help more than anything.
I’d been struggling with resuming the breakfast meal because it seemed forced; eating when I wasn’t hungry seemed contradictory to everything I’d been trying to achieve. I’d even stopped adding coconut oil and unsalted butter in my coffee hoping to ‘debulletproof’ my morning in effort to have a natural appetite return. I just couldn’t face force feeding myself; it felt like too giant a step backward. Oh my, google tells me that isn’t grammatically correct and is suggesting a different adverb. Deal with it.
So I know ONE thing that kept me somewhat troubled last night and contributed to sleeplessness was that stupid math stuff. You know, the part early on in a weight loss where you waken and start calculating CICO and wondering if you made a difference that day. I lay in bed thinking ‘no way I only ate 900 calories yesterday … I must have missed something… I can’t have eaten that little and not have been hungry… ‘ and then I remembered ‘Oh, crap, I had an apple… and I added relish to my tuna… MUST remember to add that to my food diary when I get up… darn, why is it I can’t log into FS on my Kindle HD… do I need to bring the old Kindle in here .. yikes, my bed already looks like I’m the loneliest woman with ADHD in the world with a kindle, TV remote, PS3 remote, bed remote, light remote, glasses, and sudoku puzzle book all on the side where Cutty used to sleep..’
As if it would have made any difference. I’ve done the math before; logged everything. I actually over log food because I’m aware the math on ‘how many energy calories in this food’ is only an estimate. And I would log my activity as if I slept 24/7. And at the end of the month I would end up with a 28,000 calorie deficit but the scale would stay the same. If only it were that easy.
A new change I’m making is NOT drinking an entire pint bottle of water at one time. I remember graduating that down from a two pint bottle back about a year ago; it stopped making my stomach feel so swollen and sloshy. Now a pint bottle was doing the same. One cup at a time…. everything in moderation, even the H20.
Anyway.. that’s the start here today in Bellawood. Trade show tomorrow so today is my Thursday, tomorrow will be my Friday and Sunday will be ‘I think I’ll just lay here on the recliner in the yard’ day. The plan is to go out to dinner with BCF after the show tomorrow. I’m looking forward to this opportunity to renew my skills of ordering and eating mindfully, even in public, when the food is paid for, and there’s too much served, and there’s a dessert menu. Yep. I got this.
So, if I don’t make it back today ~ y’all have a good ‘un. Thank you for stopping by to visit with me here in Bellawood. Comments always welcome. Cash accepted too.
Bells
I laughed at this one the most - it reminded me of how our fridge looked in the past when I'd start a diet... the colorful side, of course, was Cutty's with all the usual foods - processed, high fat, delicious stuff. Mine was the boring white side of 'no fat, low fat, bland boring' stuff.
