melissatwa's Journal, 02 Aug 21

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I've had a couple really rotten days on the intake front. Until this evening, I'd had a great day with my eating and was ready to wrap up a nice recovery day... Until I really, really lost it. My stress has been through the roof and isn't likely to ease much for a bit. Tonight was so rough and I turned to my "old friends" sweet and savory in unlimited quantities. I am not really looking for tips or advice from folks who "have all the answers." The people here who both know me and understand know how hard it is may say whatever they like. You know what it is to be on guard all the time against the old habits that want to creep back. I know you get it. I'm so dang tired of the hard work. I'm mad about my knee making calorie burning so hard. I am genuinely (insert many bad words here) upset about some really big sorrows and fears in my family. Last week I felt thin and fit and strong. Today I feel like a fat lump with a swollen tummy and a sad heart.

I will fast the whole day tomorrow. I certainly don't need a single calorie... I ate them all tonight. A long and hard upper body workout may help my frame of mind and my frame. This is not as a punishment but a use of the energy I already gave my body. Getting back on track with my RDI for a nice week will put me back into my normal range. I am babbling on about this to be accountable. I can do better and I will. Thanks... for anyone who actually got through this long entry. I usually do the short versions. Tonight is just the discouraged and mad and sad version. Onward we trudge!

View Diet Calendar, 02 August 2021:

1079 kcal

Fat: 20.26g | Prot: 77.73g | Carbs: 156.70g. Breakfast: Nectarines , Daisy Low Fat 2% Small Curd Cottage Cheese, Market Pantry Half & Half. Lunch: Sweet Cherries , Jam Preserves, Kirkland Signature Greek Yogurt, Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat, Watermelon . more...

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Comments

Im sorry to hear about ur hard times right now but being my first day on this app I wanted to say reading this was still an inspiration. Not even knowing u besides this post,that should give u an idea of how impactful u are,ur progress is&ur words especially. So ur great to others even on bad days if that makes sense:)Thank u for sharing this,as I put myself in ur shoes but have also been there many times as well. Ur feelings&emotions are definitely valid. I just wanted to say thank u. This gives me hope&faith during hard times&a reminder that I too cant give up. Thanks again!

03 Aug 21 by member: Newme168

You are going through a lot and can not always be perfect in everything. I think you are doing very well taking your circumstances into account and you have reasons to be proud of yourself. If you can, try not to beat yourself (too much 🤣) up for yesterday's relapse into old bad habits. A long, hard training session sounds excellent to improve your mood and feelings of self-control😘

03 Aug 21 by member: EvaSieteTres

😘

03 Aug 21 by member: piggy winkle

I am still waiting for my MRI on my knee. I injured it last autumn. I certainly know the frustration that goes with it. When I need to get my head level again, I take myself into the woods and quite often hug a tree. I did that on sunday. I count my blessings: although I can't run anymore, I can still walk and appreciate whats around me x

03 Aug 21 by member: schmetterlinge34

It certainly isn't easy or effortless forever for most people, as the rather depressing research around weight loss and maintenance shows. It's a constant struggle to fight those old habits and tendencies you mention, especially when there's family/life stress and/or an injury like the one you're dealing with. Some days or weeks or months, it will be feel easy, and others, one more thing to deal with on top of everything else. I think you're doing remarkably well constantly trying to get back to a balanced place, given the circumstances. Hope you have a great upper body workout.

03 Aug 21 by member: LaughingChevre

Girl- I should have called you. Stuck working a third shift. We'll catch up soon. Maybe. If I am never not at work.

03 Aug 21 by member: davidsprincess

Hear and feel your struggle. Good to share. We are here for you, Melissa. I’m personally in touch w your knee issues. I get down about some movement limitations as well. I took a lot of time to shift to activities that could burn calories without hurting my knees. (Bike, elliptical, and swimming). Hang tough, sounds like you have a plan.

03 Aug 21 by member: br_e_co

I had knee surgery last year and now my mother, who lives with me, needs constant care and I can't go anywhere. My sister in law died last week and I'm unable to attend the funeral as it is out of state. Mother can't make the journey and U have no one to watch her. I'm looking into home care but nothing has been finalized. Anyway, I feel your pain!! When I read your post I could relate. I feel the need to "punish" myself by not eating after I've overindulged but find that tactic usually results in me overindulging again. Good luck and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like someone you care about. I think we tend to be more harsh on ourselves.

03 Aug 21 by member: daviska95

I've been there so many times! Not for the same reason because I actually use my sore back as an excuse to "rest and take it easy". But you have shown how strong you are and I have no doubt you'll have the eating in control. I hope your knee gets better soon

03 Aug 21 by member: Fritzy 22

💞

03 Aug 21 by member: HolisticallyHealthy

I can relate as a food addict. We're all at risk of falling into bad habits when we're under stress, but tomarrow is a new day. Give yourself some grace by caring for yourself during this time. If you become hungry, eat sensibly. When you workout, don't just focus on calories, but release that tension and emotion. The endorphins will likely make you feel better afterward. I avoid the kitchen when I'm upset or stressed, and after my child goes to bed, because I know that's when my guard is down and I give into my cravings (My husband goes to sleep about the same time). I've learned that talking with someone about my thoughts and feelings helps, even through prayer.

03 Aug 21 by member: lineruds

Newme168, welcome! Thank you for your kind reply! YES, it does encourage me that in my weakness I can encourage another. I've been here 2 years and 8 months now. I've learned a lot, grown a lot, had some success, have had some hard times... It is quite the journey we are on together! Another day dawns... Quite literally right now! 😁 Good luck on your new day and this journey! It is possible for sure!!!!