FullaBella's Journal, 23 Oct 13

Second Journal

Y'all may get an overdose of me today. DH is recovering well in the ICU with expectations to move to a regular room tomorrow. If this were the suite at the Hilton his room would be the one with the huge 'DO NOT DISTURB' on the door although it won't likely be needed. While it isn't our specific faith I may need to stop on my way back to the hospital and light a candle somewhere to counteract the bad karma of him cursing out the hospital Chaplain this morning. Silly man - had the nerve to ask 'how are you doing?'

But for now, I'm back at home and DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!

The shop is open so options like napping, lounging on the deck, bubble bath, or tequila shots are out. So here I stand at the counter NOT being interrupted to:

*administer care
*pick up the latest thing he dropped
*get something else
*provide a midmorning (and afternoon) 'snack' (served AFTER calling off a list of pre-prepared options like waitstaff listing the daily specials)
*listen to a rant about politics or the latest 'thing' on Fox
*lunch - same method as the snacks
*yada yada yada

And as encouraged to take care of 'me' I did phone to get a massage but can't get in until tomorrow. So while the kid in me wants to run the streets like it's the last day of school, I'm just going to stand here and quietly reflect on how this may someday be my normal day.

Reflecting and responding to a few recent journal comments:

*Yes, I did have a great time with my friend Saturday; usually do. She is a very endearing woman with a calming soul and in my opinion a real life Angel sent to remind me my daily life should include grace and gratitude. We went to see a very humorous yet touching one man show sharing events from his life. Many of his stories could have been my own so my laughs were genuine and a couple of his tales took me to the edge of tears.

*Permanence hindering the garden totems: I decided to conquer that f-word (FEAR) yet again and told myself by Monday evening SOMETHING would be GLUED even if it was a couple of the rummage sale votive candle thingy's. I have a whole new respect for those art ladies because it took both hands for me to squeeze that caulk gun - an action I did not complete with any flair or accuracy. But once I started there was no stopping me - I was slinging so much glue Mushy ran for cover before she ended up with a glass saucer stuck to her butt.

*Permanence and life: I wondered how much of my life (approaching the 25th anniversary, working for the same corporation 22 years and wearing the same hairstyle nearly three decades) were by choice or merely inattentive inertia. The seemingly indentured servitude to the corporation was bearable because I changed positions and responsibilities at least every 18-24 months... else I would have gone insane. And I often think the only reason our marriage has lasted as long as it has is because I traveled the first two decades of it. Many a time I'd wished we'd not had so many witnesses hear us voice the vows that included 'til death do us part' and I'm sure he often felt the same about me. I have no idea what was behind the endless helmet head hairdo.

Guess I'll wander out & see what the rest of y'all are up to today. I've never been able to compose a journal without interruption (save the two customers I've had today).

Bells