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'Eat. Real food, good food, just not too much of it.' This philosophy and the love, support and advice from my friends here has been the backbone of my ability to 'stick with it' coming up on a year now (I joined FS on 10/17/12).
The advice seemed so meshuge back then. What? Eat? Are you kidding me? It just sounds (and in all candor, FEELS) nuts sometimes to look back at the past year and realize I've done this without the dexatrim, phenteramine, slimfast, trimspa, magic beans, throwing up or good old fashioned starvation.
Breaking away from thirty years of self imposed imprisonment with the diet gurus hawking their myths and magic beans has been incredible and you've all been a part of that. I'd saved a couple pair of jeans from my previous weight loss and sliding into the size six this morning tugged at my heart as I tugged on the zipper. They're a little snug but it'll be a good reminder to truly consider the calorically dense nutritionally empty values of those last remaining birthday cupcakes.
While I can hardly remember what season we're in anymore, I do remember being able to wear these in 2005 and how miserable I was deep in the grip of my eating disorders back then. The difference is the proverbial night and day. Which is why I'm in no hurry to do anything tricky, wild, or dangerous to get into the size two left from back then. If it happens, it happens. If not, no worries. I'm more concerned with staying happy and healthy than pulling on used jeans.
My hands and feet look much different than during previous weight losses. Though I've still not yet made structured exercise a regular part of my life I do think I'm a lot farther away from 'skinny fat' than I was in the past. It may be the fact that I drink water instead of gulping diet soda. It could be that I avoid processed food as much as possible. It may just be that I'm not stressing my body with the binge & purge of the past.
Driving home from the bank last night I caught sight of the take-out window line at Whataburger. Ten cars in line. That used to be me. Not anymore, thankfully.
My SIL used DH's birthday as an opening to push her latest experiment in venture capitalism on me: she's selling 'diet stuff'. I can't remember the program (and wouldn't list it here if I could - don't need a lawsuit) but it doesn't matter. It's all the same. Shiny glossy pages with pictures of really attractive and trim muscled men & women holding up bottles of magic beans. A year ago I'd have fallen for that nonsense. Not anymore, thankfully.
I invited a customer to join us for lunch yesterday (roasted chicken & dressing with a steamed vegetable medley on the side) but he patted his stomach and said 'No, thank you, I'm trying to cut back and lose weight like you.' I nodded understandingly and said 'we have plenty, the chicken is roasted, the veggies are steamed, and I'm eating it so ... (implying it's ''okay'' for those trying to eat healthy).
He replied 'No, I'm going to have a cup of ramen noodles.' And now we know why I'll never sit down at a Texas Hold 'Em poker table. I couldn't keep the 'are you freaking kidding me' look off my face as I mentally retrieved the caloric, simple carbs and sodium statistics from my databank. Ramen noodles to lose weight. That used to be me. Not anymore, thankfully.
The taxes are done and I will now swear on a stack of excel spreadsheets to resume doing it weekly. Nothing like getting behind to create unnecessary stress and worry. Not to mention I was the poster child for 'use it or lose it' having to use the help key to navigate Excel. Good grief. I used to lead workshops on that program!
So in case I flake the 17th let me take this opportunity to thank you all for your help and encouragement. We're coming up on the anniversary of one heck of a great year. Looking forward to another.
Well, there goes the William Tell Overture so I need to go. I'm off to a Mystery Dinner Theater tonight and closing the shop to go to the festival in the next town over tomorrow. I'll try to catch up on your journals but if I miss one or two please know that I still carry you all with me in my heart. You're all very light, I must say.
Bells
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