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Went to the doc yesterday. Basically, didn't find out anything useful. They took my blood to check on my Vitamin D levels and to check on "pre-diabetes," which had improved last year when I went in March (hoping it is still good). Not really any vitamins I can take which will do anything different than the psych meds I'm already on. Doctor suggested all the things I already know I SHOULD be doing: walking, trying to make good food choices, drinking water.
I woke up at 2:30 this morning to go to the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up at 3 and ate a Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with butter and cinnamon sugar on it. Tempted to go and eat another one. At the doctor's yesterday, my weight with clothes on (obviously) was 222.6. "Normally," I would be devastated for my weight to have gotten so high again, but I'm so BLAH that I don't even hardly care right now. When I was down to 171 last Easter, I was SURE that I'd never see the 190's again! SO sure, in fact, that I went through my closets and got RID of all my "fat clothes." Now, I have two pair of pants I can fit in and two t-shirts that I wear all the time (which have even gotten a little tight).
I don't know where my willpower has gone. I live to eat and sleep - those are the only things I seem to really enjoy.
OH, on a GOOD note, my depression scale yesterday was only "mildly depressed" whereas it had been "severely depressed" the last time I was in, so the meds are apparently doing more good than I thought they were. Who knew. I'm just not content to JUST "ok." I want to be highly motivated and it's just not there right now.
Got my little grandson yesterday for a few hours. After I made paper airplanes and we had little throwing contests, he basically sat in my lap the whole time while we made some kewl drawing on this iPad app. He's such a loveable little guy -- I hope he never loses that! (My son was that way, too, and he stayed sweet, so maybe there's hope. This is my DAUGHTER's little boy, though, LOL!)
OK, I'm going to numb myself with that other English Muffin and try to go back to sleep. Even though IIIII'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I hope all of YOU are sticking with your programs and fighting the good fight. I'll be back - I just don't know how long it will take me to get there.
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100.2 kg
Lost so far: 17.2 kg.
Still to go: 32.2 kg.
Diet followed: Poorly.
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Gaining 1.6 kg a Week
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