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Does anyone else question their struggles with their perceptions?
I've been a fatboy since the summer going into the 6th grade. My whole life as a fat person, I have dreamed of a triumphant transformation that stuns the masses and validates me.
The truth is, at least to me, that being overweight or obese is such a stigma that no matter what you do, no matter who you are...you are still not good enough!
I have this image of myself in everything I do. When I am with my family, walking or working out, sitting in a meeting or conducting a class on labor/management. That image is of a strong male who is articulate, empathetic with a strong sense of doing right for all involved.
I believe in myself, I believe in my spirit and internal constitution and I believe others believe in me.
...Then I see an image of myself in a photo or video and the word "FRAUD, PHONY or LOSER" screams in my ear!
How I see myself and what others see me as devastates me. Who knows, maybe they do see me in positive terms but nothing and no one is as critical of me as me!
That's been the one constant for me this past week. To redefine why, how and what my life moving forward is directed or fueled by.
Instead of a quick fix to validate me to people that don't matter anyways...I need to focus on evolving into a lighter, more evolved person who isn't motivated by other's approval. That is why I have been fat all my life, because perfection didn't come fast enough.
That has always been my motivation and it has constantly failed me.
Now I want to accept me for me while being my best instead of trying to fit into another person's ideal of acceptable.
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1736 kcal
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Fat: 43.92g | Prot: 172.53g | Carbs: 166.56g.
Breakfast: Mushrooms, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh), Egg, Great Grains Bakery Multigrain Bread with Flax Seeds, Broccoli Flower Clusters, Green Peas (Frozen), Great Value Frozen Whole Kernel Golden Corn, Butter. Lunch: Russet Potatoes (Flesh and Skin), Applebee's Grilled Chicken Breast. Dinner: Potato (with or Without Peel), Applebee's Grilled Chicken Breast. more...
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3517 kcal
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Exercise:
Calisthenics (heavy, e.g. pushups) - 17 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 43 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
15 Jul 19 by member: Kenna Morton
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15 Jul 19 by member: Fatboy199
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Thank you for sharing your heart. I’ve always been big. I looked my best at 5, weighed 200lbs at 12. Weighed 200 until high school. Got fit in High School, but kept eating after high school. I’ve maintained about 280 most of my adult life.
Over the last 18 months I have done a lot of learning about my eating habits and what I can and can’t eat to lose weight and be the healthy person I want to be. I hope you can find your true self in this journey.
15 Jul 19 by member: love2educate
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thanks for the great post - I know I struggle with this concept - being good enough. I found that having good mentors, role models and a great therapist were instrumental in moving forward with being OK with who I am. I am not perfect but I no longer compare myself to others as a measure of worth. I am valuable - I am not perfect and I have lots of work to do but I am doing all I can to be the best version of myself. I wish you ll the best on your adventure.
15 Jul 19 by member: tahoebrun
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The struggle is always there even when you lose weight. Our perception of ourselves as unworthy, even when logically we know different, is a battle that has lasted through my weight loss journey. I am getting better. Believing in yourself is one of the best things you can do. Acceptance will hopefully come soon.
I'm glad you wrote this. It touches where I'm at. Thanks
15 Jul 19 by member: tatauu22
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@love2educate, I’m still chuckling about your comment about looking your best at 5!
Classic.
15 Jul 19 by member: Fatboy199
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Dude- being fat sucks. At least you had until your summer before 6th grade at a normal weight. Once you get to a certain weight- I am pretty sure you are thought of as just fat and not a person. At least that's how I was looked at. And I can see why- I would catch a glimpse of my reflection walking up to a door of a business or something and I was a spectacle at my size. I feel way more valuable at a smaller size and I like myself way more and for anyone who can love herself when she's morbidly obese- more power to you. I have never been that person. Is that wrong to write? Should I try to be more uplifting? All I know is that I am NEVER going back to where I was and I only wish I did it in my 20's instead of my 40's... wasted my very precious life.
15 Jul 19 by member: davidsprincess
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I hear ya. Your struggle is mine too. You sense of your ideal you, is indeed, a great strength, as it drives you to be better. It is also your worst enemy, as it is never satisfied and is blind to who you are today because it sees only the ideal you.
15 Jul 19 by member: daveruddat
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I never trusted an ‘app’ before but this one worked for me. Monitoring sodium, protein, carbs, fiber, sugar, etc is a life change that I needed to do @ 45. I lost 70+ pounds on Keto a year and a half ago but gained almost all of it back by doing no exercise at all since last fall. I am a nicer person with food in me anyways and that’s all that really matters in life.. being aware of what our intake is here in the USA is good enough for me and changing my lifestyle to be more conscious intake and exercise keeps me attentive of goals for life. Plus portion control is overrated! Changing the time of intakes also helps my body. I like paleo the best for a specific type of diet for life as an FYI. Quit drinking on January 1, 2017 and never looked back...
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@fatboy you really should see my kindergarten picture. 🤣
15 Jul 19 by member: love2educate
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I was always kind of "skinny-fat" girl. Not in the Fat group, neither in the Sexy one. I was not truly happy with my skinny legs and fat belly but I didn't do anything about it. One day I started to miss my skinny-fat body, I realized that I was just fat by then. I was tired and sweating all the time, my clothes didn't fit me any more, low selfstime,etc. Almost 3 years ago I decided to stop complaining about my weight and start doing something to change it instead. I am feeling a lot better, I am still work in progress, but I already love my self, my new body. Ok. Enough talking about me. What I really mean is that you need to start focusing on yourself, start doing something that will change everything you don't like about you. It's a little bit hard but it's worth it. Maybe focusing on losing half pound per week instead of one,think about "Your new lifestyle" not just a fad diet, try to be a little more active,it will help you. I really hope you can succeed!
15 Jul 19 by member: Keilin_4
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15 Jul 19 by member: davidsprincess
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We have to constantly remind ourselves that we can not go back to eat as we used to, I reached my goal weight in 6-7 months them I started eating everything I wanted for a couple of months and I started gaining the weight back. You are not the only one that did that.
15 Jul 19 by member: Keilin_4
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beautiful post, thank you!
15 Jul 19 by member: babayjo
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Perception is real and it goes both ways. Stay healthy, that's the most important part!!
15 Jul 19 by member: velvetee
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This is a post I can relate to. Both sides of the perception question are true. some people see you for who you are and your competencies, temperament and complexities, and they don't look at the cosmetics. Other people see you as a fat person of no consequence. As a woman past 60, there's a whole other level of invisibility. So many people don't see us at all. Well, love the people who can value you and the others - well, that's their loss! You are clearly an intelligent and thoughtful person. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us here!
15 Jul 19 by member: erikahollister
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Ok, I can relate to your situation in more ways than one. I was always the chubby kid, always had to buy the "husky" version of kids clothes, and it sucked being known as the fat kid. In high school I slimmed down a little but not like the other fit kids, I was still overweight and it was always on my mind, it affected the way I dressed, talked to people, and every other aspect of my life. I remained overweight my whole life, yo-yo dieting became a part of my identity, lost weight, gained then I finally hit my highest of 280 and decided to do something permanent. I wound up losing 90 something lbs, and resistance training. But guess what? I am still the same person, I may look different, but on the inside I am still the same caring person I've always been, And Yes a thinner version but know with different insecurities! Lol 😂. I am not gonna lie, it does feel easier (I am a single guy) to get dresses, talk to people, etc. But I am still me... I've learned in this process that your weight doesn't define you, it may affect many aspects of your life, and the way you see yourself in the mirror, but you are still the same person fat or skinny. Good luck on your weight journey and please do it for YOU and not the way others will view you. You will be much happier that way cause you'll never please everyone. Cause to many I am now "the guy who used to be fat and lost weight" still not just kenny. Do it for yourself!!
15 Jul 19 by member: Kennyn27
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To each and every one of you who took the time to share, show support and give insight, I say thank you.
Some of the comments were fabulous and very appreciated.
The "husky" clothes was a bullseye!
Thank you again.
15 Jul 19 by member: Fatboy199
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Ha ha DP. I may have to call my mom to find it.
15 Jul 19 by member: love2educate
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Fatboy199's Weight History
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