abbadabba's Journal, 11 Jul 10

i wish i could offer advice but i have no experience what i will say is its good that you are becoming aware of the feelings of denial and stuff at least that way you can make a way of moving forward! im glad your friends took you out dancing even if they arent conspiring to have you out of the house it shows that they are there and care for you :) have a great sunday abba :) 

I just read the ps you added to yesterday's journal. You are going through a lot right now and lots of feelings will be coming and going. You will deal with each thing one step at a time and little by little you will sort it out. Do not look back and place any blame because it will do your heart no good. Deal with each feeling as it comes and then put it away. Don't let it spoil what lies ahead with you. Throw away the anger as best you can because the bottom line is that if you are angry this will affect you not him and you want to move on. Relationships end but we go on and you want to move on to happiness for you. I think getting out of the house with your friends is a great idea and more great that you loved it. It's a slow process but you will do it and we are here to support you through it. Have a great day Abba and hope I didn't talk out of turn. Hugs! 

Well, even if you are wrong about your friends, it means you are confident in how much they care for you. So assume they are conspiring. I have some friends who have gotten really into contra dancing. Sounds like fun. I think Cathy gave you some great advice. Obviously I feel awkward giving you any advice since I haven't gone through that, but I have talked to other women who have--after investing most of their adult lives in a marriage. And I think it's easy to get caught up in being angry and hurt and sad about what happened in the past. As Cathy said, feel your feelings and let them come--but also look FORWARD. Don't let the past take over the NOW. Have a great day!  

Just read your PS from yesterday. Maybe you can ask a friend to help you clean out the basement? To her it won't represent your husband and his issues or feelings and projects, it will just be STUFF. So it might help to have someone non-partial. Just a thought. Otherwise, huck it as quickly as possible so it doesn't loom in your life and you can move on.  

LOL Abba!!! If you aren't paranoid it means you aren't paying attention!! Life is process not product. It takes whatever time it takes for you to wade through the place you are in right now. Yes. Kindness towards yourself is essential. It is unfortunate that your husband was not kind to you. Perhaps he also is not kind to himself. While it is wonderful to have a kind and loving partner it is MORE important to be able to practice that kindness towards yourself and I believe places you in a much better position to connect with others in your life who have the capacity to be kind to YOU!! I wish I was there to help you clean up the clutter and debris he has left behind for you to deal with. It feels so symbolic to me. I am deeply touched by your ability to self-reflect and your willingness to share your thoughts here with us. One step, one day at a time ... vacation will be a welcome break in your routine ... so glad you have it to enjoy. Please keep working on kindness towards yourself and do take things one moment at a time. Too much time spent in the 'past' or the 'future' robs us of NOW. Now is really all we have!! Take care my friend!! 

Well said Moose! 

hahaha Abba- well if they conspired you must have some pretty great friends. i think there may be some buddies on here with better advice than what i can offer when it comes to divorce but i think if you look back through your jouranls since you joined you ahve beenmore open and optimistic since then. i am sure you have grown and will continue to grow as a new individual- soooo keep you chin up and keep moving- the best is yet to come:)