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Day 57 - Decided to change my breakfast a little today. Instead of two servings of oatmeal I had one serving with a yogurt. The swap totaled less fat, fewer carbs and cals and was a nice change without feeling quantity deprived. I also noticed I didn't need to sweeten the oatmeal as I was mixing each spoonful with yogurt. I'd been using artificial sweetner so it's not a caloric change but nice to having to use that to get the yogurt down.
I am still in what I consider the honeymoon portion of this current weight loss: When shopping for food is FUN because I'm looking for new things, trying new things, spending more time in the store reading labels and spending more time on line looking up healthy changes.
As I've been through this (100+ lb loss) 4 times in the past, I'm trying to pay A LOT of attention to these phases so that I will recognize old traps and be better prepared to over come them. ONE of the biggest is when I get bored with food and go for the easy out, the fast food, the 'I'll have what everyone else is having because I'm tired of having people comment on my food choices.'
I'm also trying to better prepare for other's reactions to me. Members here at FS who've only 10-20 lbs to lose my never have experienced this but anyone who's had to or lost 50lbs or more likely has ~ and that is how others react. Sure they are complimentary 'My God, you look fantastic!' and that's a nice encouragement, sure, we all love that.
But after a while it becomes insulting ~~~ OR ~~~~ again, that's one of the traps of MY mind and a problem *I* need to work on. In the past, I would find myself thinking 'geez, was I THAT GROSS before? Did nothing ELSE matter other than my weight? Did the fact that I was an honest upstanding member of society, married, parent, wage earner, solid citizen and kind to animals... was that all NOTHING compared to being a 'weight loser'?
And then the pressure would set in... again... *MY* issue or theirs? Another mindset I have to work on. Because once people realized I was losing weight~ again, something they may not notice if you only need to lose 10lbs but definitely noticeable when you've lost 50!~ once that sets in, it becomes the basis of every conversation and my daily life became reduced to a number.
And sure that's cool if I haven't seen that person in a while and they are acknowledging the loss is noticeable but it became REALLY irritating when conversations with people I saw DAILY would say 'how much have you lost now?" as if I was suppose to have a new number to report since YESTERDAY!
At that point my eating disorders would start to kick in and I'd be resorting to OTHER means of weight loss, ala, STARVING or whatever it took to make that needle move so like a good little puppy I had something to report to make them proud of me.
So okay, enough with the venting. What's the solution?? What will change this time??
I think one thing is that I don't see the same people every day like I did when I was working in the corporate world. Other than my husband and close family members I rarely see the same person more than once a month or so .... so THAT should work as less pressure for ME while I still work on MYSELF.
And it's been nearly 10 years since I did this the last time so I'm older and hopefully a LITTLE more mature and stronger and confident enough to just say 'I'd rather not discuss it.'
Plus, well, I'll just go ahead and say it because this is the place where we are supposed to be able to say the things in our head that we may not say in general public.... I'm NOT going to let others hijack my hard work!
That may be hard to understand but my example is the time I lost the 100+ when I was in my 30's actually started because I was sick for about 2 weeks. I'd had some stomach flu or food poisening or something and I just didn't want to eat.
How many FS members have ever started a weight loss plan because of an illness?? Surely I am not the only one!
So I thought about how many of my friends who've had real illnesses causing weight loss, ala, been through chemo, and how insensitive some people can be, even when they are trying to be kind and supportive. As my friend, who'd lost 40lbs due to chemo would experience:
"Gee, you've lost a lot of weight! You look fantastic! What's your secret?"
"Chemo."
That certainly caused a lot of jaws to drop. But even more baffling was the follow up. After a short stammer and apology the person would still insist 'well, I'm sorry to hear that but you look great!'
Shaking head. Even cancer is considered 'better' than being fat in this society. NO, *I* am not saying it is, I'm saying I've encountered idiots who behaved as if it was.
My oh my, what a long ramble for a Monday.
View Diet Calendar, 22 October 2012:
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1274 kcal
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Fat: 33.00g | Prot: 57.48g | Carbs: 178.89g.
Breakfast: lite fat free yoplait, Flaxseed, coffee, quaker oatmeal. Lunch: grape tomato, wheat thin, salad, salad dressing, cucumber, grape tomato, Pepperoncini. Dinner: cherry tomato , mushrooms , bread, Egg White Omlette 1 Egg Plus 4 Eggwhite w/lowfat Cheese. Snacks/Other: Nonfat Peach Greek Yogurt, apple. more...
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3522 kcal
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Exercise:
Resting - 3 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 7 hours, Desk Work - 6 hours. more...
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