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Day 17 of summer vacation.
Was having such a hard time last night. Suddenly upset and worried again. Received an email from my lawyer with the second draft of the letter to ex asking him to enter into a separation agreement/contract. Parenting arrangements. Child support. Spousal support. Division of assets. Spent 5 hours late into the night reviewing the details of the document, getting my papers and files in order, making a table of special child expenses for this May to April, and replying to the email. Felt alone going through it all. Wound up getting worried again (all that could go wrong) and overeating to numb out.
This morning am slowly reviving, like the haze of a person with a hang over. More on the horizon. Will be packing my things and giving the house a quick once over, then spending 7-10 days taking care of my mom while my sister is away. Mom is 84 yrs old, disabled with arthritis, and lives with my older sister on the North Shore. How to put this delicately? Based on past experiences, mom and I wear each other out. Lord have mercy.;-)
Am expecting nothing. Going there to serve and to meet her needs as best I can. It is good to be humble. ;-) Had weighed one pound less yesterday and was so happy for a while. Now devastated, not defeated. It's time to get back up. Bad things can be good, if you use them as motivation. Hope to zero in on my eating and exercise goals, and stay focused.
Determination and guts. Like the Olympian gal Misty May-Treanor says to herself prematch: "Breathe. Battle. Believe!"
Hope all my buddies have a great day. Stay extraordinary. God bless.:)
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 Comments
Maria I know how you feel. Although I went through this many many years ago I still remember how alone I felt and how awful I felt reading lots of what were really lies. Remember these are the final steps. You know who you are inside and what really happened and so does God. He is clearing your path for all the wonderful things to come. Try to get through this with forgiveness in your heart do you can move on . When this happened to me that is what I prayed for. To be able to forgive, to be able to look at him and feel nothing. It took a while but with the help of a wonderful book it came and I was able to raise my kids with peace in my heart. I know this will come for you too. Hugs
14 Jul 12 by member: chattycathy1955
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Yes, try to beleive it is a temporary situation that will resolve itself as it is meant for your best interest. Take time for yourself while at your mother's home. Take short breathers with walks, interesting books, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, anything to stay cheerful. Make time in the day for you so resentment and "rattled nerves" do not take over. You can do it and might actualy enjoy your visit - smile and nod and say "yes, dear" a lot! LOL
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Cathy: Thanks for understanding so much. My heart suddenly just felt so BROKEN all over again. Wounds opened wide. Such a horrible, nightmarish thing. Still cannot believe it is happening and yet it must. The alternative is even worse!!! And so it continues... BUT yes feels really comforting to remember that these are the final steps and God IS opening a way. That part of it IS amazing to me. The bad part is the fear. When I look at him in my heart there is absolute disbelief of all he has done and dread of how masterful he is to manipulate things. UGH.... HCB: How kind of you to stop by! Really appreciate the encouragement.:) Thanks for reminding me that there is nonfood related goodness and joy in every moment if I look for it.:)
14 Jul 12 by member: Bible Bliss
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Thanks Glen.:) Needed to hear that.:) Smiling and turning to "the gift of what will be.":)
14 Jul 12 by member: Bible Bliss
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OMG! What a full plate you have and you say you're on vacation! You're in the middle of an emotional tornado! Going through a divorce and taking care of a sick parent? I'd be living in Hershey Park! This is all tough stuff and you will get through this. You are a beautiful and kind person who deserves to be happy. I've been married and divorced three times and dated my third ex - very happily I might add. We all evolve. Let go of relationships that don't work any more. There will be new ones that will hopefully be better suited. Caring for your mother at this time will be humbling. I wonder how you will have anything left. This is a good time to be gentle with yourself and cry as much as you need to. Get it out and talk it out. We're here.
14 Jul 12 by member: lynnskin
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Divorce is a very lonely time. Sadly unless someone's been through it, it is hard to imagine the range of emotions which can change a hundred times in a day! Just remember as awful as this is now someday soon you WILL feel JOY again. The dissolution of a family is such a heartbreak.
"The will of God will never lead you, where the grace of God cannot keep you." Wishing you peace in these scary moments... Lauren
14 Jul 12 by member: lgrant59
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Just wanted to stop by and say hello and tell you that I am thinking about you and hoping that things are falling into place a little more each day. Hugs Maria!
19 Jul 12 by member: chattycathy1955
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Bible Bliss's Weight History
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