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Day one and I am on the late shift at work, at this point in my night all I have is my thoughts and a barely ringing phone to really worry about. I'm on this new journey and I'm not sure what to make of it. I have a lot of thoughts swirling. So much of what I am doing is looking like I have done this all before and failed miserably. I am at my heaviest. I have been a lot of things in my life but NEVER 315 lbs. I sobbed for 3 days. I have always been a "big woman" I was 5ft 10in by the time I was 12. That's tall for a girl. Didn't help I was built like Frankenstein's sister. I'm ok with it really, after a while I didn't get made fun of anymore, the boys were too scared. I was bigger than they were, stronger too. By the time I was 14 I could bench press 275lbs. Of course I weighted about 195 back then too. Still, a big girl, none the less... But, that is as closest to talking about the good ol' days as I would like to get. I'm not that girl anymore, I don't play the sports I used to, I don't have the campus I used to have to run across all the time. I don't have the job that had me all over the tri-state area. What I have is the self acknowledgement that overtime this body-in-motion, became a body-at-rest and I have paid a price. And it is SO much harder to get moving. I have some how on more than one occasion, sabotaged myself and have left myself to my own devices. I was asked one time "Are you afraid of success?" Well, if I wasn't maybe I wouldn't weigh 315 pounds. I don't know if this is yet some other fool hardy attempt to try yet again and see if, or how I will lose weight. I admit(maybe it's the chocolate craving talking) this time feels different. Maybe, the universe has heard my cries and will bless my efforts. I feel good, maybe I'll end my night with some at home Zumba.
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1325 kcal
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Fat: 41.39g | Prot: 45.29g | Carbs: 212.95g.
Breakfast: Nabisco Belvita Soft Baked Banana Bread Breakfast Biscuits. Lunch: Omaha Steaks Precooked Bacon Slices, Green Giant Cheesy Rice & Broccoli. Dinner: Green Giant Healthy Weight (Sliced Carrots, Sugar Snap Peas, Black Beans And Edamame with Butter Sauce), Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready Pepperoni Pizza. Snacks/Other: Banana, Kellogg's Special K Cracker Chips - Sea Salt, Nature's Bakery Strawberry Fig Bar. more...
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