p$m's Journal, 19 Jul 22

I don’t see anything to be ashamed of. People generally don’t watch strangers eat (unless they are really weird, and have issues of their own). Just looks like a great meal to me👍. 

Unless you are a celebrity or a famous competitive eater, I’m sure people have better things to do than to pay attention to what you eat 

have a couple cocktails yourself and you just won't care what they think!😁 

I've traveled for work, alone, and the bar is a great place to eat like Erq said. Own it, enjoy it. A delicious meal deserves to be enjoyed just as you deserve to enjoy that delicious meal! :-) 

They are probably wondering how you can eat all that and stay so thin! You seem unhappy with your weight, but your current weight is my ultimate goal weight, lol. If you can go rock climbing, you are at least fairly healthy/fit. You are empowered to make changes, but don't assume the rest of the world is looking down on you for your weight/appetite. I think you are your own harshest critic. 

Food envy, that’s all it is . Trust me , eat , live , love , be happy 🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾 

People only notice the extremes. Curiosity about the painfully thin or morbidly obese patron and what they eat might make conversation, but otherwise no will pay attention to you. And this coming from someone who traveled alone for work extensively for 4 years. It is more important that YOU are paying attention to how much (and why) you are consuming. 

@are: believe me people in Manhattan watch you eat and watch what you eat when you’re sitting near them. And it’s not necessarily because of how much but curious what you’re having and what they might order. The rest is just me feeling fat and self conscious that people are thinking you’re eating that and why you’re fat.  

@erq normally in a non cramped bar it’s a great place to eat alone. But in this occasion it was elbow to elbow since it was restaurant week in Manhattan. The bartender had no time to spend talking to me. Even the guy sitting next to me ended up not ordering because he sat there for almost an hour and couldn’t get service. It was packed. Not an ideal situation for a self conscious eater like me. I should have known better. Living in NY hot spots get hotter during this week.  

@jackie: 😆 I’ll do that next time. A glass of wine or 2 would have went well with that 22oz bone in rib eye and my hen of the woods side order! 

@liv: I did enjoy it. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out because of covid. I eat out a lot alone before covid but I always got a table and out in my headphones and listened to a podcast or even watch something on my phone. It didn’t feel so appropriate at the bar.  

@zapo : thanks. I am my own worse critic but I guess it’s also partially because I know what I use to be and now am not.  

@ocean: it was delicious. 22oz 1855 aged angus steak Bone in ribeye medium rare, hen of the woods side order, pop up bread at BLT Prime on Lexington Ave NYC. Highly recommend it! 

@just: yes they do mostly notice the extreme but my meal admittedly was an extreme. I think it’s typically meant for 2 but they didn’t make the cut smaller for one so I had to get it. I don’t eat out often so when I do I do it hard. Lolll  

Did not realize you live in NYC, so that explains a lot (I live at the beach in SoCal -- same thing about being weight-conscious). The only big people I see in restaurants in my neighborhood are out-of-towners, and it's usually a whole (obese) family strolling in with different hairstyles, clothes, and accents. But I'm still more interested in what/how much I'm ordering and eating than other people. If you are feeling a little ashamed about what you ate, that's a positive thing in your weight loss journey; you see your own red flags, whereas perhaps before you just saw that meal as normal. 

I am glad you enjoyed it. People need to get a life if they worry about what you're eating or how much. I think there is subtle societal shaming of single people who have the nerve to enjoy their own company and dine out alone. Try to shake it off and f them. Just my humble opinion.  

PS: For some reason, 'Hen of the Woods' is my favorite mushroom name -- and it is a fairly crowded field! 

@jen: it’s my first time having this mushroom. It was delicious though they made it a bit oily.  

@just: oh yeah I have to admit Cali is worse than NY. My cousin lives there and I’ve heard her judging whispers in the past when I was actually 20lbs thinner.