nvrquit0383's Journal, 12 Mar 11

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Mark the day- Friday, March 11th 2011.
Enough is enough. I'm taking control back.

It had been a while since i had any control. Since I moved into the city, Novemeber 1st, I allowed myself to fall and as time progressed, I was covered in an avalanche of bad habits and loads of extra fat.

I was in such a state of denial, I refused to see my room for what it was. I refused to acknowledge and be sad for the fact that I was buying clothes at the "big girl" stores. I turned a blind eye to the fact that I was obese and creeping towards morbid obesity. With each day that passed, I packed on more pounds and didn't know how I was going to get the wave to stop before it crashed over me and killed me once and for all.

Well last night, I took my blindfold off. It was 1am. I looked around my room at plates with old food crusted on, icecream wrappers, bags of half eatten food, an empty container of icing, a tupperware container that had remblences of brownie batter cemented to the sides( never got around to cooking any brownies). In addition there were piles of dirty clothes, magazines, random important papers that I couldn't find when I needed them since they were buried under piles of junk.

***

When I had therapy with my mother last year, there was one thing I got out of it all. It was one of those ah-ha moments. I hated how she was always on me to do certain things, like clean my room. I've always been a bit of a slob, but when it needed to be cleaned, I made a big project of it and it would look good-for a few days atleast. But it bothered me that she always told me to clean my room. I felt that it was my space, why does it bother her so much? She explained to myself and my therapist, that my room has always been a reflection of the balance, or lack of balance in my life. When my room is in chaos, so am I. It hit me. It was so true. I never thought of it like that.
From that day on, I made a real effort to make sure my bed was made every day and everything was good. Consequently, my life became livable again. There was order. There was control.

***
It started with the decision to get a garbage bag and get rid of all the trash. Once that was done, I brought all the dishes to the kitchen and let them soak in the sink. Who would have thought week old crusty brownie mix would be so damn hard to remove?
Next I put all the dirty clothes in a bag to be picked up by wash and fold. I was starting to feel really accomplished and I didn't want it to end. It didn't end until 5am. The bathroom was scoured clean and sparkling. All the wood was polished and glistening. The kitchen was so spotless you could eat off the floors-well maybe not, it's an old building...

Then I decided to redecorate my room. I brought in a colorful bed spread from the closet to replace my boring beige one. I decided my room needed more color and organization and got several ideas for how to make it pop.

When I finally lay my head to the pillow, a sense of calm came over me. I felt really happy for the first time in a long time. I felt accomplished. That feeling was very foreign to me.

I woke up the next morning with a spring in my step. I looked around the apartment and marvelled at its beauty. My roommate was extremely impressed and appreciative. I quickly got ready for work and without thinking, packed my gym bag for the first time in 6 months. It was a foreign feeling, but not one I was dreaded. Rather, I was looking forward to it.

I made a promise myself that I would get to the gym and check in at the front door. I didn't want to put a conditional on how much time I would work out, or what I would do. I would listen to my body and not do too much to the point where I would not be encouraged to go again.
As I was getting dressed, I couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. I almost started crying. It's unfortunate the damage I did to my body in such a short time.

My big tshirt wearing self made it out onto the gym's cardio section. I jumped on my old friend that I had burned so many calories on in years passed. He screeched as if to say "hello. where have you been? I thought you died."
Our first five minutes together were particularly excrutiating. I found myself glued to the timer, wondering if I'd make it to the 5 minute mark. I was wearing a polar heart rate monitor and it was indicating I was already at 170. My target range according to the device is 138-152. 'This should be a short workout," I thought to myself.

Once I made it through the first 10 minutes, I made it a goal of myself to make it to 30 minutes. It seemed insurmountable, but I worked it in 5 minute increments where I would alternate between forward and backward motion. Once I got to 30, I said ok 5 minute cooldown. But I realized there was still more steam, so I pushed to 45, with a 5 minute cooldown on that.

Wow did I feel good! I think I could really get used to that feeling!

From a diet standpoint, I also did great.
Yogurt, granola and fruit for bkst
Hummus and veggies for lunch
Shrimp and veggies for dinner, sashimi
Muscle milk light after workout

Next challenge: keeping it up

If you don't plan to win, you fail to win.

Planning+Execution=Success

Sat: walk around the city, healthy brunch, light on drinks at night

Sun: Morning workout, dinner with fam: keep it healthy

updates to come

98.9 kg Lost so far: 0 kg. Still to go: 33.1 kg. Diet followed: Reasonably Well.

View Diet Calendar, 12 March 2011:

2032 kcal

Fat: 58.92g | Prot: 111.59g | Carbs: 209.44g. Breakfast: herbal tea, berries, activia, shredded cheese, olive oil, peppers, Mushrooms, apple. Lunch: Light Balsamic Vinaigrette, egg, Scallops, vodka, orange juice, champagne. Dinner: bacon, Pita Chips - Garlic Herb, pita, grilled chicken, oatmeal brown sugar, asain vegetables birds eye, Shrimp. more...