brandylentz4's Journal, 05 Aug 21

I am struggling. This may be a difficulty unique to ADHD/PTSD folks but bear with me. I feel like I can grit my teeth and make it a few weeks without impulsively binge eating/drinking. It looks like my motivation gives out when I need to force myself to work under stressful situations. Last week I had to clean my house and I used all the energy I was using to restrain myself from over-consuming to force myself to do things that I wasn't motivated to do. The house got organized but I went off the rails and ate all the things and drank all the wine. The same thing happened with work yesterday. A stressful work deadline came up and I just couldn't take care of myself and do what needed to be done. I used to have such healthier eating and working behaviors when I was able to go to the office. I am feeling resentful that I worked so hard for the last 5 years getting a degree and now I have a job that is interesting with work that I have wanted to do the whole time I was in school but I have no time or privacy to do the work. I have to keep showing up at meetings empty handed and then leave them feeling like a failure. I feel like I am literally getting brain damage from the stress of being pulled in so many directions constantly. Can you tell that I problematically use food to help manage my emotional dysregulation? I am feeling discouraged and I don't want to give up and stop logging but watching my weight go up despite my effort is very frustrating. I am open to advice or strategies for managing myself.

Thanks for listening!
-B
78.9 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 1.8 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.

View Diet Calendar, 05 August 2021:
1704 kcal Fat: 64.19g | Prot: 72.97g | Carbs: 216.43g.   Breakfast: Chai Latte. Lunch: Sonny's Bar-B-Q Corn on the Cob, Oscar Mayer Shaved Smoked White Turkey Lunch Meat, Trader Joe's Roasted Seaweed Snack Packs, Snyder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels, San Luis Sourdough Sourdough Deli Bread, Campbell's Chunky New England Clam Chowder. Dinner: Hello Fresh Lemon Butter Barramundi. more...
Gaining 0.6 kg a Week

22 Supporters    Support   

Comments 
I feel ya on most of this. I'm struggling with alcohol moderation & fluctuating between extremely well planned out perfect macros days and F*** it, I want a ton of garlic bread & cake days. Recently I've noticed a correlation with this and work stress/ADHD as well. Keep fighting. Keep journalling. You'll find your way through! 
05 Aug 21 by member: Rosie We Can Do It
stress is evil I hope you work it out and I wish you luck 
06 Aug 21 by member: ridemariel
I relate to your struggles. I have ptsd and related focus challenges and on bad days when I can’t get organized/motivated extra food and drink seems to help. Learning replacement strategies is key. I hope you find the solutions you need to start to feel healthier mentally and physically. I find work at home to add some extra stress at times too so I understand that. Good luck, you can do this 
06 Aug 21 by member: cindylynnwho
Sorry to hear of your struggles. I really am just offering support. I know too the disappointment of failing to meet my goals. I'm doing good now but I've been where you are ...my only advice is to try to organize day to include planning and prepping foods so that you'll be less likely to falter. Emotionality, organize your day hour by hour and try to stick to that. Other than that, support is your friend and you have many friends here on FS!  
06 Aug 21 by member: Diana 1234
Stress is tough! Breathe … one day or hour or minute at a time. You are worth it. Wishing you the best. 
06 Aug 21 by member: Javadali
take care of yourself and learn to manage your stress emotions. try the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method of being in the moment and remind yourself of your goal. 5 things you can see 4 things you can feel 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell 1 thing you can taste. that will bring you to the now and you can focus more easily. 
06 Aug 21 by member: ORshelly
No advice, just my personal experience. Situations similar to yours led me to double my weight living like this for about thirty years. It is hopeful that you have diagnosed the problem at its beginning. 
06 Aug 21 by member: Tassos67
my employer offers free access to an app and services called "headspace." it's a meditation and mindfulness app. I kinda like it. my anxiety driven friend loves it. I think you can also find it on Netflix of all places, but I haven't explored that. 
06 Aug 21 by member: Katsolo
Thank you all so much. I like the idea of emotionally organizing my day. Perhaps by staggerring stressors throughout the day and week. Thinking of this idea highlights my need for alone time. I can plan whatever I want but if my family doesn't hold space for me it seems unlikely to work. If I get up early so does my son or hubby and they expect me to drop what I'm doing and plan, facilitate and emotionally labor regardless of my plans, intentions or needs. Sigh.  
06 Aug 21 by member: brandylentz4
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I really have no advice other then to say stress is killer and to get through it you need to have ways to take care for your needs... Even a little time to refocus... mentally and physically change things up. Hang in there!  
08 Aug 21 by member: melissatwa

     
 

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