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Happy Easter. He has risen! I pray for safety, health, and joy for each of you. It is wonderful to know I get to go spend eternity in Heaven with my Savior when my time comes. We are so blessed to live in this country where most of us have enough food to eat and are able to stay dry and relatively warm under a roof or at least a tent. Spring is here, and it is just as beautiful in Southern California as it is in most of the United States. Gratefulness for my many blessings is my top emotion. Things are mostly quiet here.
The last couple of days I have been going through photo albums from my sister that passed away more than a month ago now. There are about a dozen snapshots of her from six months old to mainly young adulthood that would be appropriate for a collage for the graveside funeral in two weeks. Our daughter and husband will work something up for it. He was the art director for a publishing company so I will mail these photos to them in the morning.
There are few here on FS that understand my determination to stay in my home to take care of my 85 years old disabled husband. His health requirements are complicated and if he were put into jail or assisted living he would die. This summer we will have been married for 60 years. I cannot fathom how much of the dysfunction is my responsibility for being so co-dependent. I thought I was doing the right and kind thing trying to stay together for our children, and reason with him, cajole him, and love him to the very best of my ability. I sure wasn't perfect but I really thought that if I was nice enough he would “probably” accept Christ as his Savior eventually. We can never control another human but I was trying my best and can say that if I had it all to do over again other than not marrying him, I probably couldn't do any better.
One of my staunchest supporters recently said in a comment to my last journal: “So proud of you for taking some positive steps toward independence from your abusive husband! “ I haven't asked if she now thought I was getting ready to leave. I'm not. Maybe she is thinking of mental and emotional independence. That I am trying to do, mainly by watching Dr. Ramani on YouTube. It's true I may need to leave for a few hours during the day or for a night in case of emergency. Yes, that is short-term independence. I am throwing myself on the Lord's mercy for safety and trying to learn to not defend myself verbally or even reason with him. Maybe my new quietness is partly grief at my sister's passing and the entire debacle of trying to get some of her household things rather than the multi-millionaire son selling them for pennies on the dollar or giving them to the Goodwill. I offered to pay for anything I took. It didn't work out and thank you Lord, I don't need those things. These last couple of months I feel like I have been hit by a big wave and I don't know if I'm floating underwater drowning or am coming up. My heart is heavy, and I don't care much. I am having even more trouble sleeping, but the Lord is carrying me. Thank you Lord.
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55.5 kg
Lost so far: 0 kg.
Still to go: 2.1 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Losing 0.2 kg a Week
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 Comments
Snowwhite, you have shown strength of character in your efforts to care for your husband and follow what you see as the best way to live your life as a child of God. One can always go back and wonder if you have made the right choices. Life is difficult, and yours is more difficult than that of many. I understand your commitment to this man who doesn't deserve you. I pray that you stay safe, and hope that your ability to separate yourself from his verbal abuse by remembering that it is not Truth will protect you from the pain he desires to inflict.
05 Apr 21 by member: metamora
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Have a wonderful Tuesday Snowwhite!🌺🌺🌺
06 Apr 21 by member: Shrewdness
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Hi Snowwhite, lifting you up in prayer🙏🏽. This passage came to me as I read your post:
2 Corinthians 1:8-11
New International Version
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
Be blessed, you are more than a conqueror in Christ our saviour!🙏🏽
06 Apr 21 by member: Daughter of the_King
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I am hoping the graveside services go well. I can see drama occurring and that would be so dreadful for you. I've got some dysfunctional family issues going on now also and it is so hurtful. All we can do is take it to the Lord in prayer and remember that this world is not our home. Hugs to you!
07 Apr 21 by member: rhontique
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Thank you to each of you. I see metamora is not on here much but tears came to my eyes reading her comment. Ettenauj, yes I really needed to hear that. Thank you for taking the time to write that all out. I will keep reading it. I need to make it a part of me. Are you aware of my previous posts where I am now afraid of my husband? The Lord is preserving me. It's been unusually quiet here and I'm thankful to the Lord. Rhontique, you have been a steady support and I am very grateful.
08 Apr 21 by member: Snowwhite100
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Snowwhite100's Weight History
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