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233.2 again. Kinda realized it on & off since my last fast but sure of it today that I never feel great in the morning anymore. I think its an easy answer as before the fast I was not in OMAD. I was doing more of a breakfast early in the AM than 2nd meal anywhere between 11 and 3 at the latest. Honestly, I thought OMAD would be easier after a 19 day fast, but every morning I feel like its morning fasting symptoms again. Slightly upset stomach, sometimes headaches, just a general yucky feeling. It feels like I may as well be in full fast again? but I'm resisting just doing it now as I am on plan to ease into it with very low carbs until I start Monday. I am hoping it will make my first 3 days easier.
How I feel every morning does make me wonder if I want to do OMAD after. I'm totally committed to a keto lifestyle. No issues there but 2MAD might be a better option for me in particular. I know thats an eating lifestyle I can adhere to long term. I did it for the longest time. It only didnt work great from a weight loss or maintenance situation for me I believe because I was mostly eating high carb & ingesting a lot of bad sweetener. I think you have to listen to your body & have some flexibility in your response. You want be healthy but you don't want to be miserable either. I used to have a lot of joy waking up in the morning, anticipating the day, especially in the spring & summer. Now I feel just blah & need to figure out a way to make that go away.
Otherwise...not a great day yesterday. First day without work to go to, in almost 3 years. I took no pleasure in being at home. I woke up early as I always do so there was no "treat" in being home. Best part of the day was losing one pound.
I found out yesterday that a basset hound owned by a friend of a friend died. I loved that hound & hearing he died got my stirrings for a dog going again. I am lonely and especially now, not working. Which really became more of an issue when I was suddenly cut from working 5 days per week to 3. But now, being unemployed is not the right time to take on financial responsibility of a dog as much as I think emotionally would be great for me. I do not want to be one of those people who gives away their dog.
The other thing that happened yesterday has its roots in a valuable family lakefront property that my parents, my sister & I own jointly. 6 yrs ago when I was desperate to find work. My sister was prepared to buy my & my parents share out, I obviously had my motivations but my folks weren't prepared to sell their share & the whole deal was dependent upon all 3 parties wanting to go forward. So that led to some anger, resentment & mistrust. My folks wanted to be in it for 5 more years. Which in the end, what could I do but respect that? I said NOTHING for 5 years, then brought it up when we visited last summer. My folks were now ready, but my sister now, was not as she had opened up a new legal practice on her own & wanted a year to see how it went. Understandable but frustrating and I held my tongue.
In february of this year, my mom txted me and said "we are ready to do this". So they talked to my sister..my understanding was we are all ready. Just a matter of when this year. But I thought, good. Its been a point of contention on & off, my dad is 85 & its just time.
So my mom called me about some cabin related possessions stuff yesterday & somehow the conversation turned to my mom saying "I didnt want to do this so quickly, we're doing it for you, blah blah blah, but oh well now its moving and it will be done but we're not going to rush it you know". Which really hurt because I said nothing for 5 years. Than again nothing after our conversation last year until my Mom started it again this year. So I felt yesterday like for some reason blame was being laid at my feet and it hurt..a lot.
But, as I often do in conversations with my Mom, I bite my tongue. We rarely have good conversations & thats sad when your parents are old enough they might not be around for much longer. When distance is an obstacle to communication, there are misunderstandings often of words & feelings of mistrust, on both sides I'm sure. For my Mom I'm sure it goes back to finding out in 2014 I intended to take my life and she won't forgive me or try to understand anything about it. I think she feels some guilt & failure & while I've apologized if I hurt them somehow my Mom will never address her own issues, at least not with us, her kids. My Mom can be very considerate, but she also can easily take issue with others. I can be tolerant when its about me, my sister or non family. just chalking it up to being crankier as she gets older. But when its unfounded criticism of my kids, usually a result of her anticipation of how my kids might react to something, I get defensive on their behalf (for example, my mom would say something like "you know, your kids are adults now & shouldn't expect we are going to keep giving them xmas presents cause we spend a lot for xmas & don't have a lot of money & our condo isn't worth what it was when we bought it & on & on & on". My kids have never been entitled, never have had expectations & I certainly didn't raise them in a way that if this happened they wouldn't have the capacity to understand. Maybe its the way Mom says it, but it pisses me off. And this our pattern of conversations. I've tried twice to have a calm conversation with her, in person, just the 2 of us to try to get back to a better place. But her walls go up & she lashes out & we get nowhere. It saddens me because I don't think it will ever change.
Anyway, here I go off on a tangent again. And I thank you again for bearing with me. I have no friends to share with outside of the online world (thats a whole other topic I don't want to get in to), yet I feel like I have to get it out so, here we are.
Less than one week to the next big fast. I feel mentally prepared. Hoping I will be physically ready.
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105.8 kg
Lost so far: 22.1 kg.
Still to go: 15.1 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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1785 kcal
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Fat: 165.09g | Prot: 84.67g | Carbs: 25.19g.
Lunch: Sawmill Sesame Steak Sauce, Lucerne 33% M.F. Whipping Cream, Coffee, Keto Coconut Shrimp (Airfryer). more...
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steady weight
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