Lisa Online's Journal, 28 Jun 11

YIKES! Playing with fire too long. Prepardness today, I am a fighter to be lighter!

6:15 in the evening and I am tracking how my mind slips into mindless eating in these evening hours. I noticed as soon as I stepped foot in my car to head toward home my mouth started salavating for food. I recognize this as wanting instant gratification, something good and rewarding after what feels like a long drawn out frustrating day at work.

As soon as I step into my house the need to feed is stronger as keeping my house up is overwhelming. For some reason I tend to gravitate to sugar to get temporary energy to make it through the evening chores of preparing dinner, picking up the house, paying bills or whatever work comes up at home. It would be nice if I could make enough money to hire a maid but this is not reasonalbe so I demand or ask for some help but it gets tiresome sounding like a witchy broken record and they don't seem to mind living in these conditions. Living in chaos does get depressing but after 30 years of housekeeping I honestly don't want or care to to do it anymore. I'd much rather write, read and do other things with my time away from work. My time management needs adjusting so I can juggle all the things that make me happy.

I am listening to my body and it was not feeling hungry only my mind is. I am diligently paying attention to the call of the mindless eating brain and am going to fix this emotional evening bad habit once and for all. I have challenges but realize to every problem their is a solution.

My husband always has and I have accepted probably always will bring home definite "no list" food items. He does a lot of the shopping so who am I to complain? He is thoughtful to buy things I can eat too. One of those health nut food guru's would have a field day in my cupboards cleaning the empty calorie food crap items out. Brian and Mary don't seem to have a problem with this stuff and it is everywhere I turn. I notice it sits, and sits and calls me "Lisa that has been around for awhile so you may want to eat this before it is considered a big waste of money and has to be thrown out" some of the items are used for lunches but for the most part it is a part of my life that I don't like but can do nothing to change. Brian says, it is my problem not his and so I have come to the solution that I am going to give him a couple of places in the kitchen to keep the crap so it isn't all over and I don't have to see it as I have not been doing well resisting temptation.

I can be very proud that I have taken my problem and lost 30 plus pounds but it is a double edged sword because sometimes it is very difficult for my mind and body and emotions and I am tempted. I am such a sweet sugar freak. Today I logged all I ate and my exercise as I feel going back to basics is going to help me. Anyway, I am here venting because I feel powerless sometimes and it is time for me to get my strength back. TOWANDA!!!

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1094 kcal

Fat: 43.36g | Prot: 45.03g | Carbs: 134.60g.   Breakfast: chili, activia. Lunch: smart ones beans and rice. Dinner: california rolls. Snacks/Other: almonds. more...

2192 kcal

Exercise: stair master - 1 hour, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...