velvetee's Journal, 22 Oct 20

Agree with Erq! Sending my positive thoughts your way!!  

I hope the best for you 

To the point V!! That was unexpected. Kind thoughts ❤️ 

Erq last week I unexpectedly “caught” my fiancé doing something that I would consider irresponsible and dangerous behaviour that he said he had stopped doing over a year ago. I don’t want to go into details but I forgave saying “one chance, not more”. So as much as I love him, I can’t tie my life with someone who 1) is an ever lasting teen at almost 43 2) lies to me and does not keep his promises 3) would be of a bad influence for my kid. I am very sad but also have to be rational because I don’t want to go from one abusive mariage to another. I have to accept that people can’t be changed unless they take their own decision to change. It’s valid for weight lost as well. I am not 20 anymore and I have to think about my son’s safety, above all. 

Chris, when I don’t feel like eating anything, or am lazy but know that something should land into my stomach, eggs are cool 👍  

Thank you Arkie, Joel and wifey. I am so bummed out but this is life. Trying to keep my face in front of my little troll and still do things with him. Angry that the gym is closed, can’t even get my anger out... still have the final conversation to handle, wish me good luck 🤞  

Based on what you said, you’re making the right decision. I’ve seen too many women put a man before their children and it wrecks havoc on everybody’s lives. I respect you very much Velvetee for putting your son before that guy. He does not sound like someone you need in your life. My best to you love. ❤️🙏 

Wifey I think that if the person slipped once it’s a coincidence and something that can be corrected. I always give a chance, because you never know. But if it’s twice and involves others’ future down the road, it’s a system and it breaks my trust. Especially when it’s always someone’s fault. If a person doesn’t question himself and blames others for his I slipped” why putting his life in immediate danger, and potentially mine in the future (along with my kid) it’s too much of a risk for me for a hypothetical happiness with a hypothetically ideal husband. The problem is the ideal picture that he has created hasn’t matched with reality. Broken trust is not something I can put up with as of now. I’m not perfect either but I’m trying to be as honest with myself as with others. It’s ok to slip and get back on track when you lose weight and it’s your own business but not when you can potentially harm other people around. I am so so sad. 

I’m sure it must be sad. But you are strong and are still reasoning very well even while hurting, which is a great personality trait...people can be swayed by emotions very easily. The sadness will pass eventually. I don’t want to read between the lines and assume anything he did, but how you describe it sounds like something and someone to stay away from. ❤️ 

Chris eggs are cool when you can’t eat anything. They are my choice of food when I know I need at least a few colories before going to bed 😛 some people overeat or even binge when they deal with emotional hurdles. I feel nausea and can’t eat much. At this point, I don’t want anything 😊 so eggs are cool 👍  

Wifey 😘 I don’t feel comfortable with sharing specific details unless it’s via PM. But let’s say that I am half depressed half angry that I have to deal with this. It’s a pattern that I tend to repeat and I have to find the way to educate myself.  

Erq 😘 I have to focus on my kid’s health and get to to stop the spiral of toxic thoughts and that ugly guilty feeling. Another chapter to turn. 

ChrissyCheeseSteak, you will always be on my mind, especially when I see your weird poop like looking mashed potatoes 👍  

Velvetee, feel free to send me a pm if you need to vent. Here for you. ❤️😘 

You got to do what is best for that awsome kiddo and am sorry life has dealt you more crap! Be strong friend!!  

You should be very proud of him!!!! Great young man he has become 

Wifey, I PMed you, I hope it's ok.. thank you! 

Arkie thank you so much for the support! 

Ocean and Chris, I just laughed :) 

Omg Chris, lol🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪. v you are a very beautiful girl, and a great mom. Who ever you wind up ,with will be extremely lucky to have you❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.