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I need to find a book, inspiration, song, something, to help me get out of my way. I don't know if it's lack of confidence because of so many failures at this or just poor self esteem or just a lifelong cynical attitude but something's gotta give.
I was down another pound this morning. I NEVER celebrate these moments.I always start second guessing with the 'it's a fluke' talk. This morning my FIRST thought was 'well, you didn't get enough water yesterday, you're probably dehydrated.' As if I couldn't possibly be doing it right. What's that all about?
Like, a few weeks back when I hit my plateau and I decided 'maybe I need to challenge my metabolism' so I increased my calories. When I had a 5lb loss my response was 'eh, just ironic timing.' When I lost 3 more, same thing. Can't I just be happy?
So this week when I decided 'ok, lost 9lbs on the high cal way, let's go to a decreased cal mode for a couple of weeks, give the liver a break and see what happens...' I dropped a pound? That can't be right.. it must be ironic timing.
I walked around the house finishing my morning tasks mulling this attitude over.
I'm wondering what it's like to feel pure joy. Uninterrupted 'whoohoo' moments versus this constant self doubt, second guessing, trying to protect myself from being too happy.
It reminds me of a line from a movie questionning the character about 'living your life as if the bottom could fall out any minute' and the character responded 'that's because... it usually did...' I'm thinking it was the YaYa but I'm too busy right now to get that accurate.
SO, I'm I recorded this weight today. I'm not going to WAIT three days anymore. MAYBE if I celebrate things on the day they HAPPEN instead of waiting for 'nothing bad to happen' I'll have more joy?
If nothing else, it should cheer up the scale bot. It seemed so depressed the other day.
Ahh.. it did. You lost 1.0 lb (0.5 %) since you last weighed in on Saturday 26 Jan 13. At that rate it will take you about 5 months to get to your goal weight. The other day it gave me a year to reach goal. Before that it was predicting April. Does that thing run hot & cold or what?
BTW - when it asks on weigh in 'how closely followed' is it talking about the weight or the diet? Just wondering. I never change it. Even with my OCD I don't follow anything 100%. I probably enter & subtract food a dozen times a day on my diary between the 'planning' and 'actual'.
Heck, it's worth a shot. Cause this thing I'm doing now - it isn't working.
Then again, maybe I just need some sunshine! I hate these dreary overcast days. I know we have to take it all one day at a time, as if two days at a time were an option. If it were, it'd be SPRINGTIME here at Bellawood.
Thank you for reading. Go outside and play now.
Bella
View Diet Calendar, 29 January 2013:
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1300 kcal
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Fat: 41.90g | Prot: 119.47g | Carbs: 113.42g.
Breakfast: Muesli, Egg, Kraft 2% Swiss, Hormel Black Label, Coffee, Egg White. Lunch: Mushrooms, Fresh Express Coleslaw, Romaine Lettuce Hearts, Fat Free Balsamic, Cherry Tomato, Roasted Chicken Hen. Dinner: Starkist Albacore Tuna Water, Cherry Tomato, Fat Free Balsamic, Romaine Lettuce Hearts, Fresh Express Coleslaw. Snacks/Other: 100 Cal Almond, Fat Free Cottage Cheese, Schwan Triple. more...
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 Comments
You LOST hell yes you deserve a woo-hoo moment so go yell it... WOOOOO HOOOOO!! Nice job :-) Keep it up!
29 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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Thank you Thynes. You know, when I looked back at it, because I'm so OCD, the 'roundness' of the numbers made me smile. 75lbs lost. 50lbs to goal. Why is THAT so much better than 74 & 51? Sick! Mercy ...
29 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
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Take every lost pound and celebrate the heck out of it! That's what I say! Life is too short to second guess every move we make. Flying by the seat of our pants should be required by all at least 20% of the time so we can learn how it feels to be footloose and fancy free. I'm all for trying new tactics. Good job :)
29 Jan 13 by member: evelyn64
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Happy dancing for you!! :)
29 Jan 13 by member: erika2633
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-and for what it's worth, the round numbers make me happier too... :)
29 Jan 13 by member: erika2633
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Yeah I hear you on the number thing. I need 2 for 55 but I just keep bouncing back and forth lol!
29 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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You know, Evelyn, I HEAR you but but but ... What's up with that? Why oh why can't I fly by the seat of my (now very loose in the ) seat of my pants? I WANT to go rip the tags off pillows, drink from the carton, and answer the phone without checking caller ID. Maybe I just need a shot of tequila! Erika - thank you - nice to know I'm in like minded company. I spent HOURS last night at that website you posted - thanks for the laughs!! Thynes, you sound like a bookie (not that I know any ... whistling innocently ) but it made me wonder... is that it? Are we all just betting the over/under on the spread? What a great game!
29 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
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Hmmm, that's a great point! What if we set up out weight loss like a game. Do we just bet the over/under, is three a spread? lmoa!! Not THAT might keep me accountable!
29 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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LOL... I think we're ALL trying to beat the SPREAD....
29 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
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OMG, I was laughing so ignore the typos... Oh my lord lol
29 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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Every pound does count. Even half a pound. Any weight loss should be celebrated just like every gain is not. (at least for me) That is incredible in all that you have accomplished so far. You still remain such an inspiration in this journey. Really encouraging. So be happy and celebrate every loss! You are doing amazing! :D
29 Jan 13 by member: gabbygabby
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Haha - glad you enjoyed the website, it was tough to stop reading it once I got going! :)
29 Jan 13 by member: erika2633
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Congrats on the loss...a loss is a loss....whether it is ounces or pounds and lets be serious it was ounces gained over time that got us here and in the end it will be the ounces adding up that gets us where we want to be. YES! We will get to where we want to be.
29 Jan 13 by member: jaime30024
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Hey girl any loss is a good loss..and yes shout it out to the roof tops..you have worked hard for that...Cheering you on to keep up the good work...:O)
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Next time you're over;), after keeping me out of the kitchen when it's been officially closed, we're going to jump for joy over your weight loss & all your amazing weight/health/exercise accomplishments! Xoxox
29 Jan 13 by member: Ruhu
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Bella, you have at least identified your OCDness...lol. Me? I talk to myself...a lot! Silently most of the time, but that's where I figure stuff out (or not), lol! My point? We're all a little crazy in one way or another...Try not to over think it...take a deep breath, say woohoo, and then just get back to work with a happy smile on your face. :-)
29 Jan 13 by member: Baxie
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My coworker told me that since my weight loss I am a lot happier. I am happy. Losing 60 lbs. has been a Godsend for me. It is MY turn for the good. I log ALL of my losses and NONE of my gains. I know that the loss is in there and will be back - I don't care if I'm up 4-5 lbs. It is always back to the low number in a couple of days. I tell me that I'm the lowest number and if anyone were to ask I would give them the lowest number too. I wish I could bottle some of my crazy optimism for you and others (especially my DH). It is really a gift but I have fought hard for it with counseling/reading to maintain it through the rough times.
30 Jan 13 by member: Neptunebch
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Oh my, Neptune, I do wish you could bottle that & ship it to me. My journal today reflected the very opposite of you but was posted before I read this so please do not think it's personal ~ don't be like me! I don't come by optimism easily, probably a result of my OCD, but today, the sun is shining and that has improved my mood 100%.
30 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
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YUP - Neptune is absolutely right! FLUCTUATIONS are part of the game.Focus on the low weight!
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FullaBella's Weight History
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