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For my birthday we usually go look at Christmas lights. If we can’t make time then we always do it by the 23rd at the latest. This is what puts me in the holiday spirit. We didn’t go this year. Hubby hates it. Literally hates everything about Christmas. This causes us to argue every year because he doesn’t want to go anywhere, see anyone and usually won’t help prepare at all. This year he has helped pick up the house but irritated when I didn’t switch laundry when he thought I should and didn’t have the precooked sliced turkey breast laid out by dinner last night. So of course trying to do as he wished I jumped to do that stuff right then but that pushed his dinner of leftovers back about 10 minutes and that irritated him.
I’m learning my anxiety triggers. One is when he comes up and dubs all over me or manhandles me like bear hugs and such. These things make my skin crawl. It’s like I want to cut the skin from my back so that I can scratch the bare muscles. This could be part of the anxiety or the depression but it’s gotten worse the last two years. He tried this morning and I moved away reminding him how it makes me feel and now he isn’t speaking to me. 😔 always something. He’s known this is a trigger since before I started this diet 9 months ago yet he still does it. He can give me hugs without squeezing me so hard or rubbing all down my back arms and anywhere he can reach. Sometimes my skin will be red when I can finally step away. I wanted today to go smoothly yet I’ve irritated him already. I have to stop by the pharmacy on the way out of town. He’s irritated because he left to get smokes without letting me know and doesn’t understand why we need to go back or stop on the way out of town. If he would’ve said something before he left he would’ve been told that I anticipated this and I bought him a pack. We have pop in the laundry room he could’ve had and not had to go get that.
All this and for once I feel like ‘who cares’. I’m gonna smoke one, play a phone game, make lunch and finish getting things ready. I may not be ‘happy’ but indifferent is better that anxious or angry or hurt or stressed like most years 😁.
I do know I have some stress because the tummy is rolling. Canceled dinner with a friend last night because of that and I was exhausted. She’s upset with me yet she told me her kid is running a very high temperature even while taking ibuprofen. I avoid sickness like the plague this time of year. I have a kid who gets sick easily. I’d like to keep her healthy! So for the third year we will skip anything that someone who is or has been sick attends. We will not give hugs, wash hands a lot and use sanitizer constantly. The last two years are the only years since I got married that someone wasn’t majorly sick! Thanks to more handwashing, sanitizer, no hugging rule (makes everyone mad but oh well) and avoiding anyone and anywhere that sick people are. I even wash up after shopping before I hug the kids or touch their things. So here is to another year of no sickness, angry inlaws, and me being firm again and handling things better!
View Diet Calendar, 24 December 2018:
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1492 kcal
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Fat: 78.02g | Prot: 79.72g | Carbs: 122.85g.
Lunch: Fried Battered Beef Steak (Lean Only Eaten), McCormick Brown Gravy Mix, Great Value Extra Wide Egg Noodles. Dinner: Great Value Colby Monterey Jack Cheese, Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat, Fritos Scoops! Corn Chips (Family Size), Kraft Hickory BBQ Sauce, Rotel Cheese Dip, Hidden Valley Ranch Dip , Great Value Big & Flaky Crescent Rolls, Cloverdale Beef Lil Smokies . more...
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3021 kcal
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Exercise:
Resting - 16 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 6 hours and 30 minutes, 3PLUS - 1 hour, Apple Health - 0 minutes. more...
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