BekkaL85's Journal

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14 September 2011

Yesterday I was very proud of myself food wise. And I don't think that today will be that bad, even if it is day 3. Not much food in the house! lol. That's ok...Friday isn't very far away.

Darrel is doing better, I think. He can't really do much in regarding his mom's stuff. And that's ok. He needs to be ready for it. Just wish that I had my basement back is all.

The only odd thing is that lately nightmares have been plaguing me. There are always different and odd. Makes me sleepy cause now I'm scared to go to sleep. And then I dream and wake up. Suckage. CC is telling me to take some sleeping pills, but my grandmother was addicted to them by the time she was my age so I'm leery to try them. I have an addictive personality (esp with food!) and I don't wanna wind up addicted to them.

Next up on the cleaning list is the kitchen. GULP. After the house not being cleaned for a week in a half it's narly almost everywhere. So far I have the living room (done Monday) and the guest bathroom (yesterday) so today will be the kitchen and tomorrow will be the dining room and Friday our bedroom. Then all that will be left is the stairs leading to the bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom. Michael only wants me to clean one room at a time because of my back. Can't say that I'm to upset with that! lol

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12 September 2011

It's been a week and things are finally starting to calm down. (for those who don't know or forgot, Darrel's mom passed away about a week ago)

Darrel isn't really acting like himself (duh right?) But he isn't acting like he's upset either. Although it's been a week, I still think that he's in some major denial. I don't think that it will really kick in until he realizies that Tammy (his mom) isn't calling him everyday. Sometimes two or three times a day. He is truly a mama's boy. I just hope that he'll be ok once it kicks in. Not sure when that will be. Michael and his sibs lost thier mother when he was 16 and he said that he STILL expects Donna to call or stop by. I don't think that you ever really get over losing a parent. I lost my dad..but not by death, by neglect. Not the same. I know he's still out there...even if he's not there, ya know?

ANYWAYS...this is the first time that I've been in a room without him for a week. He's very against being alone. Pretty sure it's because he will think abou things that he doesn't want to once he's alone.
The house is a mess...absolute mess. His dad doesn't really want to keep anything but a few of Tammy's favorites that will be displayed with her urn. So...everything is being tranported over here. I have no problem with that...anything to help out D and D right now. And things have slowly been making there way down into the basement to be sorted out later. Basically for the past week my house has looked like it belonged on an episode of hoarders. Today I cleaned up the living room. Took about 35 minutes. after that I'm gonna tackle the downstairs bathroom. Pray for me! lol.
The whole week has consisted of helping to clean out his mom's house. And inbetween everything else that had to be done..food got put on the back burner (of course right?) and lots of old habits returned. Today is back on...and it's not so bad. Truth be told though: I don't really feel it till the 3rd day. Not really looking forward to that. Plus side is now Michael makes to much for us to get food stamps. Awesome-sauce. Downside is he doesn't get paid till Friday...so no money for food right now. Dinner tonight will be salad (if the lettuce isn't bad, I'm not brave enough to check yet) and speghitti and meatballs made out of ground turkey. yummy.

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03 September 2011

You know how I was so happy and content with the fact that life was so boring? Cause boring means no drama. Darrel's mom passed away early this morning.

I know that I bash Darrel alot. And, I didn't really like his mom...she kinda creeped me out a bit although I would NEVER say that anywhere but here. That doesn't mean that I would wish for this to happen though. I believe in karma..what goes around comes around.

Darrel and Dylan have been gone all day so far. Cassie, CC, and I are gonna head to the store and get some cards or something for Darr. My mom is doing what she does best when something bad happens....she's making food. this time it's chunky beef stew (gross) and cupcakes (gulp).

It might get a little bit chaotic around here for a bit. Darrel is a mama's boy and she doted on him (which honestly does explain a few things) so I don't know when or if I'll be able to get back online for a bit. I also don't know what kind of frame of mind Darrel and Dylan are in. They left as Michael was getting ready for work. Guess I'll find out when they get home.

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01 September 2011

Not much to say. That's why I haven't been doing any journal entries lately.

I have stayed on track since Monday, when we got back from camping.

And, I've been keeping up on my diet calendar, which is good. Life has just been kinda blah lately...nothing going on. Which is a good thing, cause that means there is no drama in my life. I'm not upset about that. I LIKE boredom cause that means nothing bad has happened. I'll have alot more to say once we get our money and Michael and I are at least caught up on everything and pay off the cars and such.

Until then...good luck everyone. Hope that you guys are doing good with your personal goals and your lives are as drama-free as mine!

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29 August 2011

I had so much fun last weekend! Camping was an interesting experience. I'd never been before, and I find that I really enjoyed it. When CC kept bringing it up I kept picturing out in the woods, middle of nowhere type of place. But this was a state park, Sam A Baker park. There was a shower\bathroom building too. As long as there is indoor plumbing, I'm good!

Back on board today...and it's gonna suck. A whole weekend where I ate what I wanted (within reason) was wonderful. And there was abosultely NO cell phone reception, so we really were kinda on our own.

Boy did we eat! chicken and sandwiches and hotdogs and candy and s'mores. Oh did I forget how much I LOVE s'mores!

I did get sunburned when we played in the river though. Michael did too. I got it on my shoulders, and the top of my chest and back. Half of Michael's back is burned. I feel bad for him cause while I am red and it hurts and stuff...his back is the color of our deep crimson bedsheets. My poor baby had to go back to work and class today too. When he gets home I'm gonna do to him what I did to me this morning: get a bowl of ice water and a wash rag. Get the rag nice and cold and put it on the burn. Then cover and use aloe vera. If you can get the heat out faster it'll heal faster. At least that's what my mom always said.

We have a bunch of left over food...and that's not to good. If I see it...I'll eat it. Especially today when I'm trying to get back on track. So, I'm gonna have to have some extra will power today....at least until it becomes a little bit easier to manage my food again.

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