p$m's Journal, 18 Oct 22

I hear ya 😉 

❤️livin 

Tip: When you look in the mirror, smile. Even when sometimes it's just a smirk, laugh, make a goofy face, and so on 🤣 It changes perception of the reflection! 

Menopause does suck. BTW, college weight is not unrealistic, but it does require more activity, and you have to decide if it's sustainable. I agree on the mirror thing, and my previous starting weight (175 lbs.) was what kept me from dating during my 2 heavy years -- I felt too fat to share a bed with anyone. 

@livin… I’ll try. But I already make faces cause I swear my mirror is like a funhouse mirror. Sometime I look chubby other times I look ok 

Here's a little secret one of my best friends (handsome and all-around great guy) told me. He didn't always date what some would think are the 'attractive' girls. And when he decided to marry in his 40's she wasn't the prettiest woman with the best body either. I asked him once 'why'? (Thank God we're really good friends). He said she'd like to have smaller this, bigger that etc. so she does what she can, then goes out and enjoys the day! I'm marrying her because her main focus is on enjoying the day! (And a little side tip: when a man has a naked woman in his bed, he's not critiquing her, he's enjoying her). Enough said. 

I'm not as shallow as that may have sounded. His previous girlfriend and I are friends so it was a shock that they broke up. He broke up with her because she was always seeing something wrong with her looks (she was drop dead gorgeous, still is). It's difficult to be with someone who is always picking themselves apart? Hope this helps :-) 

Breezy, it's more of a confidence thing. If you used to be thin and look good in the mirror, to now be heavier and squishier is just awful for the self esteem. As a side note, me being from SoCal and P$M being from New York, guys may sleep with heavy women, but they don't want to date them (because they don't have to; there are many thin fish in the sea to choose from). All that aside, it's best to just keep getting fitter and healthier, for our insides and outsides and mental sides. 🤕 

Oh, I get the confidence thing! and I wasn't referring to 'heavy' women in particular. Just, as you said, the confidence thing. And I wasn't referring to the men who are just basic 'pigs' and treat women like they're disposable until they find the 'thin' one they're going to marry. What I meant to come across is that a decent guy, and there are a lot of them, respond to a woman who isn't going to be picking herself apart most of the time. He takes that as bit of an insult. He likes you, why don't you? This comes from many discussions over the years with good male friends. Helps to have inside info :-) JB, I grew up around Boston (rather not say exactly where) in a very affluent area. Sports, all seasons, ocean close by, mountains close by never boring always on the go. I lived on Maui and have also lived in a very small town with fields and horses, not much else (2 whole places to get your hair done! 1 barber 1 beauty :-)) ... see where I'm going with this. I have a wide range of experience to pull from. Men like to see the confidence If they like you, why don't you like you. That's what I was trying to get across. Did that make sense? I hope. 

Cindyoh77, you don't know us and you obviously don't understand what's going on here. This is about us women and how we would like to be more confident with our own looks. And deary I read your bio, maybe you could go be negative on your own journey and not here. We care and support each other here. With food/exercise it's all about our overall health. Okay pumpkin' 

@Breezy: yes, confidence is key, men like it, but I don't feel confident when I'm heavy (like P$M pointed out in her journal). I don't call attention to my imperfections in front of men -- I think your guy friend's former GF was odd to do that -- but I'm certainly more attractive (and thus confident) as a size 4 than a 14. 

I don't know where you're at in the menopause process, but my experience was that I gained weight in the middle of it, but was able to take it back off after I'd been through it. I've known other women who had the same experience. Sadly, though, my fat cells decided to migrate from my butt to my gut 🤣 Dang, I miss my waist! 🙃 

@JB, there was a lot of events I skipped in Dec/Jan/Feb 2020 because I was 10lbs overweight and my face was 'getting older' and confidence was not that great. March I had just started a kick my ass into shape set of classes and we were going to a month long yoga/beauty etc. retreat before I was going on vacation with friends. Then,Lockdown. It nearly killed me. I'm unrecognizable to myself (I'm shocked when I look in the mirror) Part of it's real, part of it's just me freaking! That's some of what I'm dealing with. Some things I can fix and I'm doing that but a lot I can't and I'm trying to not let it take over. Too much time has passed being basically locked out of life. So, confidence is something that's big on my agenda. Being able to 'let go' of the things I have no control over. And yes, most definitely I feel much more confident in my skinny jeans than I do in whatever those baggy things are that I burned when I joined here in March 🤣 So, here's to working our asses off, looking the best we can and ROCKIN IT!!! 

@Wyo: you look fab and slender in your post from today! So clearly your gut is easily concealed from the general public 😄 

LivinBreezy-- I actually own skinny jeans that fit me now, but I always wind up wearing my baggy men's Levi's because they have actual pockets. Why on earth do all clothing manufacturers decide that women only need half a pocket????? JB - thanks! 😁 

P$M, Tree pose among the trees is awesome. You look fantastic :-) 

Writingwyo, so they can see our 'assets' better of course 🤣🤣😆 

@Breezy -- well, lockdown wasn't the best time to date anyone anyway, so I'm guessing a lot of us gained then lost. I took advantage of that time to do most of my weight loss, and only once I started looking good in pants other than sweats did I entertain putting myself out there. Still a bit concerned about love in the time of Covid. 

@Wyo: women carry purses, thus do not need pockets on jeans that would only bulk out with silly things like keys or phones.😄 

Yeah, I know...we're all supposed to be carrying purses. I just hate doing it 🙄 Sooooooo not a girly girl here!