KayBuckaroo's Journal, 05 Apr 22

I did not “nail” my calorie deficit goal today. Tomorrow’s a new day. I did end with a deficit, just not that big. I ate my stress in the spirit of solidarity with my family lol and that’s okay. I’m not even the least bit sorry. It was 100 today in Texas and we had Dairy Queen 🥰 I don’t have fast food often. Perhaps every 6 - 8 weeks. I am always happy when I’ve made the decision to eat fast food when it is cooked fresh and prepared thoughtfully. That was my experience today at Dairy Queen and it was wonderful. I enjoyed many cold bites of vanilla soft serve, a couple of a dilly bar. I have pizza regularly, and I’m not interested in the food shame Surrounding forbidden food. Rather, I have been celebrating my ability to make better choices like: If something tastes bad I don’t eat it. Old me would gobble up the rest of said food in a hurry and without any thought just to get it over with. I would say that’s where the compulsive eating comes in.

I’ve been clean from binge eating, purging, and restricting food for the better part of the last 3 months. These early days of recovery are still nerve racking at times. I find myself getting nervous about calories or how something fits or my reflection and I suddenly feel empty and then I want to eat even more. It’s a crazy cycle.

Anyway, none of that happened today.

The language we use is powerful. If I say i failed because I ate too much food today, it negatively reinforces my feelings. I’m practicing positivity and today I did well with eating mindfully.

Be kind to yourself tonight.