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After I wrote the last entry, I spiraled downwards. The day after, I was so down and sad that I just cried by myself in my apartment thinking horribly about where I was headed. I took out a picture of myself when I weighed 227. I saw it and kicked myself out of that cave. It was a lengthy and cathardic experience. I think that have a heart to heart with myself helped me somewhat. I don't know if it would have happened without FS, and being able to write out my thoughts and fears. I am soooooo happy I can come to this community and talk about weight loss. It's my one place that doesn't judge me and continues to motivate me to stay on the weight loss wagon.
Thankfully, I only have 5 classes this semester, so I have been able to work out more. I started ordering vegan meal deliveries for the week to move away from the fast food / junk and towards foods that are nutritious and yummy. I also started waking up before the sun to workout before work. I am using videos from the Blogilates calendar, and can feel my body changing again. I have a lot more core strength, probably more than ever in my life. I can feel tht I am not losing weight yet... I think... but I know I am gaining muscle, strength, and feel a bit happier.
This journey is such a rollercoaster. It's been so hard do keep up while doing 2 master programs simultaneously. The stress gets to me so bad sometimes, and I look for comfort food to help me stay on top of it.
LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF AND MY BODY IS A BEAUTIFUL STRUGGLE.
So now to weigh and measure myself.................
Last month:
January 2017
Weight 164 lbs
Body Fat 39 %
Fat Mass 64 lbs
Lean Mass 100 lbs
This month:
February 2017
Weight 164.5 lbs
Body Fat 39 %
Fat Mass 64 lbs
Lean Mass 100.5 lbs
No substantive change according to the numbers, besides that 1/2 poind gain which appears to be muscle.
BUT, I feel fitter. And I don't feel like the kid from xmas story. I can relax my hands more, and they don't protrude outwards as much. I'll take these baby steps!
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74.6 kg
Lost so far: 28.3 kg.
Still to go: 17.0 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Gaining 0.0 kg a Week
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