59Carol's Journal, 21 Nov 20

Congratulations!! Both weight loss and improvements take patience as you end up with joyous outcomes. 👍🌺 

I'm sorry the knee is still swollen and sore, but a doc telling you to keep moving is a comfort. I got the same message from mine this week. Just don't over do it! Nice drop. Lovely the remodeling is moving along. Have a great week, Carol!!! 😁  

Thanks Melissatwa! I was relieved to know I wasn't damaging the knee. This morning it feels really good. I went for a 45 min walk yesterday so I wasn't sure if it would really swell up this morning in protest. I am glad your doc is also telling you to keep on keeping on! 

Dear Carol, I follow you even though I haven't been writing much. I so appreciate your support and advice. I welcome it and have even thought to ask for more. My husband is still alive. Me: barely. I have a home, his small 22-year-old pension, even a small cabin in the mountains, some small savings, and no debt. I do the bill paying. Everything is in our joint names, so in that department, I assume I can make it since I am frugal: until the big "crash". Then all bets are off for everyone. We live in a community property state so everything will automatically come to me, besides everything is in my name along with his. I do need a Living Trust, partly because identity theft is rising, and to make sure our daughter (only heir) doesn't have to go through probate if both of us died like with Covid, but was told she won't have to since she is permanently disabled. A good attorney here is charging about $5,000. It's like pulling teeth to pay it. My husband said he would not sign a Durable Power of Attorney since he doesn't trust me or our daughter which is ridiculous. Maybe he had another mini-stroke. He was in severe kidney failure 5 weeks ago. If you know numbers, his GFR was 9. now it is 44. His hematologist said he is "leather", or like leather. He sure is a tough old goat. I wrote in yesterdays journal to answer someone, why I stay. Many of the younger gals don't get it. You do know, and live your life with honor. Thank you for being you and thanks again for your support and advice. I feel like I am on a roller coaster. Because I admire you could you please read yesterdays journal. I feel so isolated. I know I should reach out somewhere. This may not be the appropriate place but I don't do Facebook and I am anonymous here.  

Snowwhite- I went looking for your journal entry but can't figure out how to find it. It sounds like you have got the finances and such like done. It is too bad about him being reluctant to get the paperwork done. Maybe talk to his doctor and have him indicate how decisions are made if a patient is unable to communicate them himself. It is possible that the rules are different where you are. In Canada the doctor's make the decision if the paperwork is not done and do not give the decision to the family like they used to. Their decision is always to prolong life as it is easier to defend that one. So if the rules are the same there as here then your husband has to be told that his life will be extended artificially, possibly in a vegetative state for as long as they can keep his heart beating and lungs working. If that is what he wants, then not much you can do about it. If he doesn't trust you or his daughter, he can give that job to whomever he does trust. It is totally up to him no matter how crazy his decisions might be. I am shocked by the lawyer price. To do two wills, two end of life and two powers of attorney it cost us $800. With finances in good shape, then start thinking what your life will look like when you are single. What do you wish to do fist - attend to home chores that need doing, contact people to visit, join an exercise group -- when you have thought through a plan now it isn't so overwhelming to get yourself onto a healthy path. Also don't feel guilty about the fact that you will be relieved. Years of worrying about a spouse's health takes a toll. When there is no one to worry about, it is a relief. It doesn't mean that you didn't love them and that you don't miss them it just means you aren't in a constant state of worry. Hope that helps a bit!  

Thank you, Carol. When you are reading anyone's comment, either on your page or elsewhere, if you click on their name at the bottom of what they write (in blue) it will take you to their Profile page. Also, you can choose to follow them (in blue) or send them a private message (the envelope). I see you are following 3 members so I guess you found that. If you click on "Posts" you will go to all their journals, starting with the most recent. Also, I am in your follower's list (you have 109), accessed from your Profile Page. In addition, under the search bar on the left, under My Fatsecret, is Community, then Members, another way to find people. In my case, there is 100 after my name. Do you ever click "My Fatsecret" under the search bar to just read other member's currant post/journal? Actually on those if you just hover your mouse icon on someone's name at the end of their comment, you will see their picture. Since you live a busy life you probably don't spend much time just reading other member's daily sharing. It amazes me how much physical work you can do. My husband and I desire to donate our bodies, but Covid makes that more complicated. Writing a will, Durable Power of Attorney, and Advanced Health Directives here in California are not nearly so expensive as a Living Trust, but attorneys include those documents in their fee. The Power of Attorney can be said to include the Health Directive, but I was differentiating the two. It was only about the money that my husband said he does not trust us (days later saying the opposite). Silly, since my name is on everything, so I have just as much control as he does. My husband and I both have DNR/DNI's hanging on our refrigerator. Neither of us wants CPR, intubation, or tube feeding. Yes, Rescue Squad drivers do not obey those, as some doctors still will not. The Advanced Health Directive may (or may not) hold a little more water, than just the DNR, especially if you include thoughts or comments on your opinion of what you consider to be "Quality of Life" that you want to maintain, and say these things far enough ahead of time that they can't say you have become incompetent to decide these things due to depression or memory loss. Here in the US, a will is a document of directions to a judge distributing an estate and demands Probate unless you have a Living Trust or spouse. When either my husband or I die, everything will go to the other as CA is a community property state. It is when the second one of us dies, that the requirement for probate comes into play, which can take a year or two here in the US. A home cannot be sold during that time and would have to be maintained. Not everyone has the money to maintain the property for two years while the estate goes through the courts here. Statutory probate fees are; 4% of the first $100,000, 3% of the next $100,000, 2% of the next $800,000. etc. I read that a permanently disabled heir can "go around" that requirement. In Canada, don't you have to go through probate with just a will? By the way, we cannot qualify for Medi-Cal, California's version of Medicaid because of our cabin, which my sister owns half of and won't let us "out". She owes us more than her half is worth, but I won't sue my own sister. 

I don't have to do probate unless there is an underage person involved. If the property is also in my name I can avoid probate so if your daughter's name were added to the property then it is as if she were a spouse and no probate. It would also get around the 2 years of not selling. I had to probate my mom's will because my sister was 15 years old. I did it by myself without a lawyer. Mom had to probate dad's will because my sister was 5 years old. She did it by herself without a lawyer. I did not have to probate my husband's. I will have to probate my father in law's unless he puts me on his land title. His Will leaves everything to me so that I can then distribute to the kids and grandkids. That was Dave's wish (he was an only child) and his dad is honouring it. It is awkward to suggest that he puts me on the land title so I will just deal with it when the time comes. You are clearly very well informed. That is good. The health insurance is crazy to me as in Canada we all get it no matter our situation. Of course, it is paid for in taxes so that is where the differentiation occurs. For the peace of mind, I am more than willing to be taxed!