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Kindergarten Flash Back....Yesterday I was working on a set of client's book work and came across some things I have never handled before. I became frustrated to the brink of tears...in the pit of my stomach the nervous energy was strong, and the feelings of unworthiness worked their way up through my thought processes which made it hard to think. I kept hearing dialogue such as "Lisa you should know this" and the more I struggled to figure out the problem the more I kept thinking it was my fault, I should know how to do this, this is taking too much time, I am a failure.
How and the heck am I going to get anything accomplished with thoughts like these? Negative feelings and thoughts don't do me any good as it puts up a huge block. The you're not good enough or smart enough thoughts are counterproductive . I should have been thinking this is something new, this is something different that has come up and an opportunity to learn. (sigh)
This thought pattern started in Kindergarten when I was learning to write and the teacher came by my desk after she had been praising other children for their good work and marked my paper with a huge fat red marker...The tears streamed through my eyes because I was doing it wrong and wasn't smart. That same gut nervousness that I experienced then is what I experience everytime I don't think I am good enough.
Wow...this realization is going to help me some 43 years later if I can stop the fearful hateful feelings about not knowing something and embrace it as a chance to learn. TOWANDA!!!!!
View Diet Calendar, 12 January 2011:
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1190 kcal
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Fat: 51.14g | Prot: 46.88g | Carbs: 142.37g.
Breakfast: activia, cheerios whole grain. Lunch: orange, Hormel chicken and dumplings. Dinner: hamburger. Snacks/Other: activia, whole grain cheerios, almonds. more...
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2066 kcal
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Exercise:
stair master - 45 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Awesome post my friend. How many times have I saw myself as a failure and stupid. You're right! We need to look at this as an opportunity to learn when we get frustrated. Your journal has helped me so many times. I hope that you know that you are an inspiration to me personally and to many others. TOWANDA!!! We Can Do It With God's Help and a little help from our Fatsecret buddies!
12 Jan 11 by member: Cindy Thompson
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that little internal voice is such a pain in the butt! I had that voice creep up into my head yesterday while I was trying to figure out how to make a report so that everyone involved in reading it would understand its purpose. Mine stems from being bullied through school, and the weirdest thing happened when I decided to sit back and actually look at my problem.. my Gr. 3 teacher and my grade 8-12 home room teachers voices popped into my head that said " you can do this, your smart just get up walk away and come back you will see the answer." and I listened to it for once, and you know what.... the answer was right infront of me the whole time. Funny how things like that resonate for years after isnt it.
12 Jan 11 by member: pixidaisy
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We were all "good enough" from the beginning Lisa. Take a good look at the news... there are *huge* gaps in everyone's mind (limitations), and we are *all* not much more than a bunch of grown up babies (lol). It's important to understand this part of humanity as it will assist us in being kind to others as well as to ourselves. I'm surprised that you would be so hard on yourself and yet be so positive and kind to all of us here on Fatsecret. First things first my friend. ;-)
12 Jan 11 by member: information
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Oh Lisa, those thoughts are always there. We just suppress them when we are
older until something triggers those same feeling. But You are looking at it
in the right way. Back then you couldn't. Now lets go to Hawaii yes? Love Ya and big {{HUGS}}
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Lisa, I have struggled with those thoughts and feelings all my life...some things I am so good at, but when I come across something that I struggle with, I immediately revert back to the self ridicule that has been the hallmark of my personal thoughts for so many years. I am getting better, but that feeling that I simply must be perfect all the time or I am not worthy, still seems to creep back in from time to time, and then the frustration and tears start, which triggers even more negative thoughts...what a vicious cycle...but one that I am determined to break! Hugs!
12 Jan 11 by member: ctlss
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I would not have guessed this about you, Lisa! Thank you for sharing. No matter how smart or knowledgeable a person is, there is always something we don't understand and someone who is more knowledgeable. It is very unfortunate that you had a teacher who made you feel so terrible when you were a small child and unable to understand such thing. The teacher is the one who should feel ashamed for not knowing how to critique a child with kindness. The things that happen to us as children stick with us for life. Recognizing that can really help us get past those events. Embrace "I don't know" when it's an honest answer, and then seek out the knowledge you need! There should be no shame in learning. There are no stupid questions. You are GOOD ENOUGH!!! :)
12 Jan 11 by member: k8yk
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Lisa, your journal post here brought tears to my eyes. I think everyone feels this way from time to time. I bet even Einstein did! lol So what if you aren't gifted at some "task." You are gifted where it matters -- in your spiritual insights and in the way you treat others. Love you!
12 Jan 11 by member: cocobutt
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Thanks for sharing your experience, Lisa...now you know you're not alone in this negative thoughts an d also you're so good enough! I do not know how many times I was amazed by how gifted you are. Sending you hugs..Smile, Lisa:) and have a happy evening!
12 Jan 11 by member: happynow
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You are so positive and such a cheerleader to all of us. You know we harder on ourselves than anyone else is. You are PERFECT just the way you are. I think many of us are here because of some bad mind games from when we were younger and live with those memories. I mentioned in another post tonight about how doing the exercise and measuring the food is the easy part, it is the intangible behavioral stuff that is the difficult part to achieve success with. Keep on trucking...BIG HUGS TO YOU!
12 Jan 11 by member: HealthyBabs
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Lisa, I have the feeling if we were ALL honest, we'd all be able to admit to these very feelings from time to time in our lives. And that inner voice? Man, is it powerful! The thing is, most of us don't even realize what we are saying to ourselves, over and over, day after day, year after year. After this much time, much of the inner dialogue isn't even HEARD anymore...at least consciously. But subconsciously? It affects and directs much of our actions. One in a awhile, I'll catch myself and really tune in, find out what it is I'm telling myself. And I'm shocked! Why are we always our own worst enemies?
12 Jan 11 by member: redwinelover
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13 Jan 11 by member: gizmonel
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