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I feel like such a failure lately. I have gained in the past month- 15 pounds of pure fat. I went from watching what I was eatting and focusing on fruits and vegetables, getting my water in, and was losing on weight watchers and then all of a sudden I fell into a deep depression and all I have been doing is sitting around eatting and feeling sorry for myself. Today for example I had a yogurt parfait in the morning since I was around other people so I tried to look like I was being healthy. The thing is now that I hide my eatting because I don't want others to see me binging. On the way home from the train station stopped at Wendy's got a chicken sandwich and french fries, then came home my parents were gone so I ate the Wendy's then opened a box of cake mix-ate the mix didn't even make the cake, then ate half a box of triskets, and 3 bowls of cereal. Then I ate burgers and fries that my mom brought home for me for dinner. I'm sitting here typing and I'm so full I can explode. This is an average day since I haven't been working and have feel like I have no reason to live. I've eatten cookies cakes pounds at a time all I go after is sugar, carbs and fat. I need some motivation because I'm in an almost suicidal state of self destruction and I can't see my way out. My boyfriend doesn't like the way I look anymore, although he won't say anything, but I can see it in his eyes and I hate looking at myself in the mirror. None of my clothes fit and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I've put the weight on so quickly and last time I went into a depression like this I went from 120 pounds to 190 in 6 months! I worked so hard to take some of it off and now I see this happening again. I need help, motivation, words of advice anything. Has anyone ever gotten to this place before where they went from caring so much and being so good with eatting and then just giving up? I'm so scared I'm losing everything.
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I came across this journal entry by accident. My heart breaks for you!! I have soooo been there. You are not alone. That is why we all signed up on this right? I don't think this time of year helps much either.
I know what it's like to fall off the wagon. You have to tell yourself that you are just going through a crappy phase and you were able to get on track once - there is nothing stopping you from doing it again!
I have definitely felt the same - and got the same reaction from my boyfriend as well. Don't do it for him, do it for yourself.
Just don't be so hard on yourself.
I hate that I love food as much as I do. I find I just have to force myself to be distracted and not sit at home.
Don't give up!
01 Jan 09 by member: stephf76
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Your journal sounds so familiar to me - and I have the same struggles. We are in this together - don't give up. What you have done is in the past. Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start - it is not tied to the past, it can be anything you make it. Just try to think positive, get a plan, and record everything you eat so you can't lie to yourself - that's what I do all the time. "Forget" that I have eaten and how much I've eaten. We are starting out on a new year with new hopes and new resolve. We can make it!! Let's try again tomorrow, OK?
01 Jan 09 by member: dtoole
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Hi, Definitely not alone. I did a whole lot of crying yesterday. Sometimes when I think about how I have killed myself with food its just overwhelming. I have missed out on so many things because of my weight and still I continue to eat. It doesn't make any sense. Why would I continue to do something that causes me so much pain??? Today I hung a calendar in my bathroom by my scale to record my progress and pasted pictures on the wall of times when I had lost the weight and felt great to remind me of what I want to accomplish. Sounds a little silly, but maybe it's what I need. I also have a quote up that I found that says "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending". Good Luck!
01 Jan 09 by member: TARA91
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Thanks so much for the supportive words. I know it's going to be taking it one day at a time and I need to turn this train around. It's good to know I'm not alone out there. I think admitting what I was doing to myself was step 1. Now I need to change my mindset and start over. New year and new me!
02 Jan 09 by member: nvrquit0383
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I have been there too! Yesterday, as a matter of fact! I've been coming on here for about a month, and this site is the first thing that has stabilized me, to a certain extent. I have had a few "bad" days since I began. And what has pulled me out has been sitting here typing and reading and getting feedback. I've spent hours at a time on here. And I don't get up until I feel stronger. And it helps! My advice to you is this -- spend a good chunk of time on here. It is so helpful to know that other people think and feel exactly the same way you do!!!! It has a real power over the mind. I also want to suggest that you drink a couple of cups of water. Overeating creates dehydration. And you'll feel much better if you remember to drink. Now, have you ever done any meditation? Sit quietly and keep your head forward. Now, lift your eyes to look up at the ceiling, only with your eyes, so that your eyes are looking up in their sockets. As you're looking up, take a big deep breath. After that, slowly close your eyes while you're breathing out. Now sit quietly for a few minutes, breathing deep breaths slowly, and IMAGINE YOURSELF AT YOUR THINNEST. BECOME THAT PERSON IN YOUR MIND! I've done this before, and it really helps. It is very calming, relaxing, and you can get to that "dream" place where you can remember your goals more clearly. Lastly, I want you to immediately forgive yourself! You are punishing yourself with all this eating on top of eating. Reign yourself in, and remember we are all here for you! And we all understand what you are going through in the most deep possible way. We all share the same exact problem! So feel at home!!
02 Jan 09 by member: debbra
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Wow...the more I read these entries...the better I am feeling. Please know that you are not alone. I have been feeling the same way for about 2 weeks. I was doing really well on Weight Watchers...and then I slipped. We just have to remember that everyday is a brand new day and that we have a FatSecret Family to help us whenever we feel down. One of my favorite quotes is "It's not about how hard you can hit...it's about how hard you can GET hit and keep moving forward..." Just remember...you are stronger than you think you are...and you can do this!! We are here for you! :)
02 Jan 09 by member: tabithahulett
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I second the motion from debbra...this site will bring you back. We are all in the same place. Actually it is pretty damn crowded in here! So hang in there. Do what you can. Look for websites that can re-enforce the way you want yourself and your life to look...focus on that information. Keep on keeping on girl..you can do it!
02 Jan 09 by member: POWENCH
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What wonderful caring people there are on this site. I only joined two days ago but am so glad that i did. With support like this we could achieve anything.
03 Jan 09 by member: fattybumbum
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nvrquit0383's Weight History
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