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Second Journal
As I continued to work through 'what's eating me making me want to eat everything else' it occurred to me I get this way everytime I join challenges. Something about the 'do this & that, don't do this & that' creates more rebellion than motivation. I'm really enjoying reading what everyone else is doing but feel like a slacker when I don't follow the rules. I hate having to check the 'failed' bullet but have too much integrity to lie and check 'passed' when I didn't.
One of the things I'd seriously been considering (but forgot when I joined one challenge) was not logging my food for the month of June. I'd already tested my theory in May that increasing my intake wouldn't prevent loss or cause a gain. I was correct about that.
I'd already decided my original time limit to be part of this community was lifted or extended without expiration.
But I am feeling ready to take the training wheels off my 'mindful eating wagon' while I work on my 'life goals' as I feel seeing that number, esp at the end of the day as I log in food, sends a stupid signal to my brain that I can eat more even though I'm not hungry for more.
And, except for the rare Long Island Tea Sushi night, well, I eat pretty much the same 'thing' day after day. Chicken / fish / beef / pork; veggies fresh or sauteed; fresh fruit, on and on. Things that I have been purchasing, portioning and preparing in ways that I know more or less adds up to 400cals a meal on average.
I'd shared with a friend in a message this morning I was considering playing with restaurant menus online and pretending I 'was' dining out - as if preparing for a vacation like so many people here get to take - and then it struck me: that was the equivalent of learning to speak Italian on the off chance I get to dash off to Rome for the weekend. Yes, my life is just that fixed, that routine, that dining out is far too rare right now to be 'cramming' for like a final exam.
The thought of sticking to a food diary every single day for the next 10-20 years seems like a death sentence. Is that the only way I'll stay accountable? Will I get mindless with munching and forget? Time to find out.
I thought back to everytime in the past when I lost weight, I never kept a full on nutritional breakdown diary like this; I didn't have FS then. It was mostly a mental running tab of total calories and fat grams. I didn't try to make the colors even out in a pie chart. And yes, I regained the weight after hitting my all time low but I wasn't adding anything at all then. I only paid attention when losing. I still plan to pay attention; just need to lighten up on the obsession.
So what's the answer? To log or not to log... what a question. Not making any declarations or announcements right now as I don't want to have to create a whole new account just for food logging if I feel anxious but embarrassed to admit 'I couldn't do it.'
I think that was SOME of the anxiety last week - those 'spoon samples' and how I was making myself feel bad over it. As a punishment I'd log an entire 'serving' of that thing even though I didn't eat more than a spoonful; how stupid and psychotic is that? What IF ... the spoon sample is enough to not feel deprived without the need to eat more because even still I have xcals left on my RDI?
Yeah - this thing is starting to wear on me and needs tweaking. It occurred to me this morning I finally stopped logging 'coffee' - and was considering no more logging things like spinach or onions as I don't really track complex carbs.
Maybe I'll just log the big stuff with the caveat that the little stuff during the day adds up to 800cals? Be mindful of my intake earlier in the day if I have plans to dine out.
I'm going to think about this and see how the rest of the day goes...
Bella
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607 kcal
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Fat: 35.26g | Prot: 59.49g | Carbs: 10.25g.
Breakfast: Chicken Thigh, Chicken Thigh, Baby Spinach, Publix Green Bell Pepper, Sweet Onions. more...
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 Comments
I fully understand how you feel, I was logging every tiny bite for awhile, then I stopped logging completely, and now I've decided to log, but I'm not going to go nuts on it to the point that if I eat a cracker I feel the need to log it. This whole diet thing is hard for most of us, so don't feel bad if you don't stick to something, or what you try doesn't work, we all go through it.
03 Jun 13 by member: blissful-girl
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Blissful - thank you. Yeah, if it doesn't work I can always start again but I'll never know until I try.
03 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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Good luck with whatever you decide! :)
03 Jun 13 by member: blissful-girl
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I go back and forth about this too, so so so many times! Something about seeing that I 'can' eat more makes me do it, then push past it a lot of times. I didn't need to eat a bunch of cereal last night, but I hadn't eaten as much as usual that day and had the room, so I did.... But I've failed at losing too many times when I stop logging, so right now I'm logging... big dilemma... !
03 Jun 13 by member: Bkeller1023
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Yeah - I'm not sure if it will be the equivalent of not balancing the checkbook vs trying to reconcile to the very last penny ~ where will I fall? But when I seem inclined to 'copy all previous' rather than log or think about it - I think I need to shake it up. I'd probably log more if I were on vacation somewhere different ~ while I wouldn't LIKE it - I'd need it to keep me aware *for now*.
03 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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Bella, sometimes I log, sometimes I don't. I too find if I have 'space' left in my calories, RDI I start thinking "mmmm, I have x amount of calories left what can I have" when as you said I'm not really hungry so there is merit in not logging. I think you have been doing this long enough that you know what you are doing without logging and you will know when you go off the rails when you start snacking on stuff you don't normally snack on, or find yourself eating more food, or more often, so give it a go, the non logging. If it works great, if not, you can start again. No one is going to give a crap whether you log or not, only you. You are not a 'failure' if you end up logging again. My diary is full of blanks diaries and full of full diaries and full of partial diaries. I too don't want to think I'll be doing this in 20 years but heck I could be dead in 20 years. I don't think that far ahead these days. And I personally can't be mindful for every meal. Sometimes I am talking at the dinner table so not paying attention; sometimes I am not enjoying the food and need a distraction to keep my mind off it while I eat, 'cause I didn't cook it and I'm grateful that I don't have to cook, so I would never tell hubby I didn't like it. So perhaps its time to 'lighten up' if that's the right expression on the 'mindfulness' of eating, just be aware as you said that you have had your 3 x 400 calorie meals and a couple of snacks and you should be okay. If you find you are doing bigger meals or more snacks, then you may have to rethink. One day this will all become routine, you'll see.
03 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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Forgot to add that I sometimes get a surprise when I log, that something I thought was a reasonable dinner ends up being horrendous. Like tonight. I had homemade spagetti sauce, spagetti, one slice of garlic toast with cheese and cheese on the spagetti. Not a big meal but heck it was nearly 700 calories. I was flabbergasted. So for me the logging keeps me 'aware'. I don't know when I last ate spagetti and I don't each bread often, but thought as I had only had a light lunch I had calories to spare. Seems like I was over my RDI and that was only two meals - dinner din't seem huge, just a bowl of pasta and sauce and as slice of bread - crikey! Okay, enough, sorry for the two entries :)
03 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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Hi Bella. I go to My Fitness Pal and log over there sometimes just to find out calories for something I can't find here. Now you have me thinking about logging food for the rest of my life...argh! I'm thinking we will be able to do this for a while and then like you say - we buy the same things to eat and eat the same portion size - except on occasion when we will have to log to see what we need to fix, like after the Long Island Tea/sushi night. :)
04 Jun 13 by member: Neptunebch
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Bella, That's it - your comment on my journal - that's the point that the IF plan I am following is making, as long as your nutrition/calories evens out over the week, its okay to be high some days, low some days, etc. You put it very well, better than I had thought of :) Glad we are kind of on the same page - my body still isn't talking to me much but I guess I've spent over 50 years not listening to it so perhaps its in a huff :) Ciao.
04 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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Oh my Angel, as you know, I'm debating the same dilemma. I stopped logging about 10 days ago, hoping it would help me continue to evolve eating mindfully & am still not sure, but again as so many others have also said, moderation is the key & in my new way of thinking -- building my road one brick at a time knowing I can use a combination of logging & not logging bricks along the way. So, for now, I'm not logging, but if I feel myself getting anxious about it or concerned, logging it is, temporarily or longer. I'm also thinking of this new healthy journey as being ridden on a bicycle as a young child & the logging as my training wheels -- if I take them off before I'm ready, I can always put them back on until it feels right to try again. God knows, I've certainly fallen off the bike, even with the training wheels on! I so hope & look forward to the day when all this becomes mute and we can eat & live mindfully without all the effort -- think that can be a reality?!?
04 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
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FullaBella's Weight History
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