FullaBella's Journal, 06 Feb 13

Well, I'm in the Goldilocks mode - still too large for the fashionable clothing but too small for the large clothing. Normally I don't really care that much and for that I had to recognize that of all the things I HATE about the cold dreary cloudy days of Winter I must appreciate the fact that it gives me carte blanche to wear bulky turtleneck sweaters and denim shirts over my jeans and boots. As I no longer work in corporate amercia I have no dress code, no suits, no toe crushing pumps, no fancy hairdo's. Yay me.

While I have replaced my jeans several sizes during this 75lb weight loss because I just can't stand wearing my pants too large I'm still getting away with the sweaters and denim shirts for the store, trade shows and few places I go in town. But this weekend I'm going to the 'theater' with my friend and I'm out of 'nice' blouses. Even a colorful scarf and a lot of bling accessories won't dress up the 'longshoreman' look I perpetually sport and that's all that I have left; I'd given everything else away because I want to change my style once I settle on a size.

So, I had to endure the 'store' yesterday to buy a 'blouse' suitable for the 'theater'. Fortunately here in the south, or at least, in my region and circles, jeans are acceptable everywhere. Even church and weddings.

My only dilemma with the jeans Saturday will be to choose between the 'really nice looking and better fitting Tommy Hilfigers that require me to hold my stomach in and restrict fluids because they are a little too snug in the waist' and the 'classically faded Lee's that are a little baggy in the butt & thighs but at least won't have me screeching at the actor's to move along if the monologue lags'. As I'm old and tired of pain, I'll likely choose the Lee's. Life's too short.

But shopping for a blouse? Ugh. That's what reminded me how ironic I am that while I want Spring in my backyard I don't want it on MY back. I'm not a pink, yellow, pastel, floral print, girly gal when it comes to clothes. Even in corporate america I could get away with the black suits and white blouses. Yet unless I relocate to Alaska for the summer the longshoreman look has to go.

I'd like to be on that show 'What not to Wear'. Is that even on anymore? Ok, maybe not on TV but I'd really LOVE to, once I reach a size and STAY there for a year, to have a professional dress me. I want a nice classic look. What's the phrase - timeless classic? That's me inside - at least, the image I want to hold of myself. But after 40+ years of dressing, I've never achieved it on the outside. Turn me loose in designer clothes and I end up one hot ugly mess. Or I revert back to 'black & white'. Grey if I'm feeling ambivalent.

BUT in effort to find something wearable, passable and cheap for this Saturday because I'm not into investing any more money into a wardrobe than necessary right now (hence buying my jeans at the thrift store) I finally settled on a winter vest with a blue/black print and a pink (borderline watermelon) colored turtleneck sweater. I call it Longshoreman Light.

This is the situation that leads me to wanting 'a professional' to dress me - the salesgal yesterday kept trying to push 'neons' on me - green and purple neon things. I know, just as I opened my mind to accepting 'good fat' in foods, I should open my mind to new things in clothing. Baby steps. But the 'not on your life gal' had me wondering if the salesgal had my best interests at heart or just wanted me to finally pick something and go away.

I know my journals get long and I always appreciate anyone who reads them but if you wonder why they get long it's because here is where I see my thoughts in print and it helps me put things in perspective.

I actually DO like some summer clothes. I love capris and cute sandels. I like khaki and soft olive greens. And there are a lot of summer clothes in nice lightweight black & white. So, yeah, I'll be fine. Bring it on. Just get that neon green away from me. I'm not ready for that yet.

However, if there is anything that is definitely a 'one size truly does fit all', that's perfume. Or, as the label reads, Parfum. As I was on the way out of the store with my vest & sweater I remembered I'd been out of perfume for a while but slipped into 'handbags' first to see if the salesgal from the last perfume purchase was still on duty. I'd misbehaved a bit that time and didn't want to have to deal with her again.

I know that sounds paranoid but in my small town, we see the same folks over and over. Luckily she wasn't there so let me add another few chapters onto this journal saga and tell you about it.

Because of MH's respiratory issues there are only a few scents I can wear and still kiss him (most colognes make him cough.) For the past few years it's been Chanel No5 - I know, Old Lady scent but with my weird chemistry it worked. However, I never noticed our Belks carried it until last summer - before that I always went to TheBigCity to buy it or ordered it online.

So I don't remember why I had to go to the Belks that day but I wasn't dressed like all the other Sunday shoppers. This was in July and MH had just come home from another stay in the hospital for two weeks, I was rushing to run an errand before his next IV treatment was due so I looked a little too casual I guess for the Snooty Saleslady. As I was on my way, probably into linens, I saw the Chanel I stopped and looked for No5.

The only thing they had was ONE small purse atomizer. The SS took one look at me, plunked it on the counter and said 'this is all we have but it's $105...' the only thing missing from her tone and full length body glance was an insult about my appearance and her preconceived deduction of my ability to buy.

Fortunately for ME, I was raised with the 'don't judge a book by the cover' and met Sam Walton while in my early 20's. He walked into my office in his overalls and boots and plopped them up on my desk. He was so impressed by my 'not judging' him that he sent me a huge gift certificate for a wedding present when I married. It's served as a reminder to treat every single person like a like a millionare regardless of their appearance.

The SS never met Sam, I guess. When I looked down at the case and hesitated, she assumed I was balking at the cost. *I* was actually thinking 'hmmm... only ONE bottle... did the entire town buy the rest this past week or has this one bottle been here since the Nixon administration?'

But she took it on herself, unsolicted, to explain to the poor little country bumpkin the difference in parfum vs cologne vs toilette in effort to justify the expense of parfum. Had I asked 'why so friggin high?' that little lecture would have been justified. But as I didn't, I was offended. After all - *I* was the one who said 'great, I didn't know you carried this - I won't have to drive out of town to buy it anymore.' THAT should have been her indicator, if she was listening, that I KNEW what I was doing.

But not only did she NOT listen, she didn't read my reaction very well either as she continued to push. So when she wrapped up her tutorial she leaned in and whispered, to drive her point home, 'you use less of it because you only spray it where you want to be kissed.'

Oh really?

So I leaned in close and said 'well then, we're gonna need a bigger bottle of it if I'm gonna spray it on my A$$.'

So the next time I was in THEBIGCITY I tried the Coco instead of No5 and I liked it better and MH tolerated it fine so I needed more. Thankfully the SS wasn't there yesterday so I picked up another Coco Parfum.

I tell ya - there are so many people working in sales that have no business working in sales. I had to teach my advertising saleman a lesson this week. A $10 error that he wouldn't handle just cost him about $1000 in commission when I cancelled about six months of specialty ads. But I gave him three months to fix it and he wouldn't show the initiative. No work ethic. I'll just up the ads in his competition and they aren't owned by the same person.

And absolutely none of this has anything to do with weight, scales or food. I suppose this disclaimer should have been posted at the beginning of my journal entry but hey, it kept you reading.

Bella :-)

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1499 kcal

Fat: 80.04g | Prot: 104.40g | Carbs: 111.10g.   Breakfast: Vanilla Greek, Flax Seed, Schwans Blueberry, Coffee, Quaker Old Fashioned Oatmeal, Coconut Oil. Lunch: Alaskan Salmon, Hummus, Celery, Fat Free Balsamic , Spinach. Dinner: Kraft 2% Swiss, Egg, Egg White, Hormel Black Label, 100 Cal Tortilla. Snacks/Other: dark chocolate almond spread, parm cheese, olive oil, Kale Chips. more...

2160 kcal

Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...