kelly90503's Journal, 17 Jul 18

Kelly I think you should have more carbs. Not processed carbs but maybe have a slice of toast with peanut butter and bananas for mid day snack ? You’re also doing cardio which helps lose weight maybe just try weight training? More food but healthy food and try not to measure or weigh your food. I know this is totally scary but you can do it !!! 

Kelly my heart breaks for you just reading your posts and your struggles with food. Your weight has dropped and can be so unhealthy for you but I realize you know that. We all support you here but I’m wondering if you’ve ever considered seeking help or therapy to help you with your ED if you’ve been diagnosed with one? It seems there must be an issue with your dislike for food and a reason or problem why this is happening. I know therapy can help and suggest even a nutritionist that can help get you back on track with eating more. I know you’re trying and it’s hard but before you go even lower are you getting help to help you with this? 

@nikkiferrera, my mother is telling me the same. She says I should add more rice and carbs to my meals. I should probably listen to her... As for exercise, I'm cutting it. I don't know if that's the right decision, but I'm completely cutting out exercise until I start gaining weight. I definitely need more food, but I agree with you: healthy food. I'm not interested in eating junk food. It's going to be a challenge for me to not weigh my food, but I'm going to try. Thanks for your support. @dzemsta, thank you for your response. Reading it makes me feel like my struggles are not being ignored and that there are people in the world that truly care. Here's where it gets complicated for me. Getting diagnosed with an ED is not a simple process. I've been referred to the ED recovery centre for two different hospitals, but the wait list is crazy long. I've been in the ER and they couldn't do much either. Getting support is difficult because so many people deal with this. In addition, my ED - if I even have one, isn't that severe, and I'm not in any sort of critical medical condition. So I'm further down the wait list. It's challenging to find a good support group and get a proper diagnosis. My mother is thinking I should go back to the ER this Friday, but I think it's a waste of time-they can't do much. 

Kelly90503’s speaking as a registered nurse who worked years in Emergency I know what it’s like to have to go to ER and wait and I’m glad you’re on the list for help albeit down the list but your mom is right in saying go back to ER and let them know you’re loosing more weight you’re concerned about your issues with this and need help sooner rather than later. Keep fighting for yourself and your health because sadly the system stinks sometimes and people are overlooked. Push for yourself in getting referred sooner and let them know you’re concerned and that you’re loosing weight. Don’t stop calling and going to ER until you get help. I’m concerned with your weight loss and although it may not be critical now it can be very fast. I know your trying so hard and please don’t give up on yourself. Your family loves you and YOU ARE WORTH IT! I don’t know you personally but you seem like a lovely person. We are all here for you to support you! Don’t give up! 

Dates are a very healthy snack full of nutrients and on the sweet side 🙂 

@dzemsta thank you so much. I will try to keep what you said in my mind. I will try to not give up. 

@bianca thanks for the suggestion. My next snack will be exactly those! :) 

I like to snack on some soft cheese like brie or oka or fresh mozzarella and share with cashews and almonds. But I have to make sure I prepare it in advance and place some cheese and some nuts in a container for snacktime: if I just grab the cheese and bags of bulk nuts, I eat everything until it's gone. 

I snack on trail mix, fresh fruit, carrots, radishes, and cucumbers. I don’t like to restrain myself to weird things like only eating 5 almonds or something as a ‘snack’, so instead I like to eat things that I can eat a lot of, like the carrots, radishes, and cucumbers. 

Thanks for the advice, @RiverQueen36 and @Sweatpea Lisa B! I definitely keep what you two recommend in mind.