kingkeld's Journal

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20 March 2014

Good morning!

It's another heavy weigh-in day.

I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY didn't want to weigh in today. Trust me. I feel awful. I feel ashamed. I feel physically bad.

I'm heavy. WAY too heavy.

It's not like I don't know what the issue is.

I'm stressing badly, still. I don't sleep all that well at night, even though it IS a little better, and I have too many things bugging me.

Finally, there will be an end to it soon.

Today is the day I have been stressing about, I think. Or, at least one of them.

I have an extremely uncomfortable meeting coming up today. It's a meeting with HR and my leader from the job that has let me go. It's a meeting where we're gonna talk about the way I have been treated, versus the way they see things.

It's not a question of whether I get my job back or not. That thing is done and over with. It's a matter of hammering out the details of my leave from it.

There are so many factors in this. I'm glad I have my union behind me. They are the ones who will run the show for me, and it's like unleashing a pack of Rottweilers. Oh, how I like them. :)

I know they will fight hard for my interests.

There has been daily comunication with them this week, getting all information to them, and arranging what to do. And it stresses me like crazy.

I haven't gotten into the candy much from the stress, but I have severely over-eaten, not cared much about it, and just been busy hanging on to my sanity.

Hopefully, today will see an end to that.

...

Again, I really didn't want to register this weight, but I choose to do so anyways. If I don't, then I won't see myself as being honest and I won't stay accountable. This is essential if I want to bounce back.

And bounce back I will.

Hopefully, getting past the meeting today will help me focus on other things and not just spend time being mentally exhausted and scared of the outcome of the meeting.

I'm confident that the meeting will bring SOME good things to me. I know it will. But I am also afraid that it will be an ugly battle getting there.

...

At the same time, the whole work mess sends ripples through my other activities. While I'm on sick leave - out sick because of stress - I can't do other work either. I can't teach. I can't work at the gym. I have people eagerly waiting for me to come back. That stresses me.

...

I can't wait to get all this crap sorted out. I can't wait to be able to move forward. I can't wait to be ready for all that. I am sick and tired of being stuck, of stressing, of gaining weight.

...

There. Got all that crap off my chest.

...

Now, the good part of it.

My weight might be up severely. That is obviously bad. That is obviously what I need to fix.

That being said, I see that a LOT of the weight is simply fluid. I know that once I start doing better, that will shed fast.

I can't let that comfort me too much, because OBVIOUSLY there was been quite a fat gain too.

I can, however, handle losing it all again. I know what to do. I just have to stick to my plan.

The plan is not hard at all. I have PLENTY of calories, and I can essentially eat what I want within those limits, within the macros. That is the beauty of it all.

As many of you know, it's a lot easier said than done when your head isn't in it. My heart is there all the way, but my head keeps messing it up.

Still, I'm not giving up. It doesn't matter how many times I feel like I'm pushed back to square one, I will keep going. I know I can do this. I've done it already. This is a minor adjustment still.

So, off we go.

I have diligently entered a rough estimate of my calorie intake yesterday into my spreadsheet, so the damage is evened out over the next month. It gives me quite a punishment, more than 100 calories less per day, but so be it. I still have enough that I can eat enough to be happy and satisfied.

Also, I can just choose to walk off the 100+ calories instead of consuming less. This too will even out if/when I do.

That being said, I'm actually happy NOT doing excessive walks. I'm never avoiding a walk. I'm not scared to walking to and from things. I walk to everything that is within my reach. I just don't do the hour-long walks constantly.

And still, yesterday my fitbit registered 15,000 steps. It's not really all that much of a difference, and the change in estimated calorie burn is minimal.

...

So, today's plan - weight loss wise - is to do my best. I have my day planned out, and I will do my best to stick to plan.

I have reasonable dinner planned. Lean ground beef with flour tortillas and salad. Kind of a taco thing, but not. It's gonna cost me about 500 of my 2500 allowed calories. It's all good.

I'm meeting with a good friend - the photographer - for lunch. I have a couple of things to talk to him about - things I need done soon. We're gonna have sushi for lunch - his treat - so I need to fit that in too.

Registering "generic sushi", it will cost me about 500 calories too.

Other than this, I need quite a bit of protein. That will be in the kilo of SKYR that I'll be having through the day. :)

I like SKYR a lot. I actually bought 6 kilos(!) of it yesterday. I pretty much emptied the shelf at the supermarket because it was on sale, 30% off. It's a good deal on something that I use, and that can keep for a couple of weeks. Save the money when you can, right? :)

Post-dinner snack will be more SKYR. Yeah, it's a LOT today, but it's needed to get my protein in. I'm actually still a little low on fats, so I gotta work that one out. I'm not sure how, with the food I see in my schedule today.

My go-to solution for extra fat with not too much protein is usually chocolate. I really don't want to get into the chocolate today. I think it'll be a bad move. If I do, then it'd have to be late evening, so it doesn't trigger the carb monster and let that run crazy. Let's not do that. I've had PLENTY of that lately.

I think I'll simply settle with being slightly low on fat today. I had so much fat yesterday that it shouldn't be an issue at all. :)

My macros are perfect, other than missing 15g of fat - and I come out of the day having used 2000 of my 2500 allowed calories. If I stay with my estimated calorie burn - 2940 calories based on my averages from the last week - then I'm at the max deficit my body can handle without losing muscle too. It's gonna be a good day.

...

I will remember to bring a snack to the meeting too. I know I might need something. I'll bring an apple or two. There are usually coffee, water and cookies there, and I do not want anything that has sugar. Not today, thank you very much. An apple will do just fine.

I think I'll simply pre-register two apples, just to have taken it into account already.

...

Yesterday, I think I really registered how much I have been running in circles.

It occured to me that I didn't even remember to brag about the magazine spread I was in this monday.

That's right.

Some of you might have seen that I posted it in the community forum. But I think I should share it here too.

For the most of it, I'm gonna let the posting over there do the talking. But of course, I gotta put a little teaser here too. :)

...

So, today will be spent waiting for lunch time, basically.

I have nothing much to do, but sit around and speculate.

I think I will spend some of the time walking. Just walking. I know, I just said that I don't want to do excessive walking, but I think today it will help me clear my head. I'm really looking forward to my friend coming over, we have things to talk about and it's always fun. It's a good way to de-stress before the damn meeting.

And if I DO get to burn a couple of hundred extra calories today, then I'm sure my body won't mind. I'm sure I have PLENTY of extra calories from yesterday that my muscles won't be jeopardized. :)

...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- Seeing an end to all the crap, hopefully.
- Wife. She's such an amazing support.
- Morning coffee after a sleepless night.
- Unions. I don't know how anyone does without them. Mine is the BEST.
- A well planned day, in regards to meals and calories (and everything else, too...) Planning is key for my sanity right now.

Have a great Thursday. Life is good!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
93.1 kg	61.9 kg	8.1 kg	Poorly

(9 comments) Gaining 16.1 kg a Week

19 March 2014

Good morning!

Not a whole lot of change in my numbers today. I'm down a wee bit in weight, 200g, and everything else is the same within 1%. Nothing much to mention.

Yesterday went really well. I used most of my calorie allowance, and I think it makes a difference for me.

I didn't go all the way to what I am allowed according to my spreadsheet, because I didn't move quite as much as my averages had predicted. So instead I lowered my intake with a couple of hundred calories, ending up with a 500 calorie deficit, and still meeting my protein and fat minimum requirements.

...

I have to say, I truly enjoy this way of eating, this IIFYM lifestyle. It's SO easy. Of course, I am still getting my footing on it, but it IS so easy. The only numbers I need to tweak and adjust are calorie intake and calorie burn. I'm getting there. No rush.

I've been considering just changing the way I record my calorie burn again, to see some results soon. I'm a little tired of nothing happening. Of course, I also know that a large part of the fault lies with me. Going to the candy store repeatedly the last few months weren't exactly part of the plan, was it now? :)

Because of that, and because I can't say I have truly followed plan, I won't change anything. I will just be honest and diligent recording my intake and going with the numbers. Everything WILL adjust. It's just so damn tempting to change things around.

The art of not changing anything is HARD. Probably the hardest part of my diet these days. It's HARD to see how numbers don't act right and the urge to fiddle with it is strong.

Still, I see that when I do good, results show.

I think for me, it's just a matter of getting better at reading the signs my body gives me. It's a matter of listening, and giving my body what it is craving, within the parameters of IIFYM.

I know I'm never craving protein and fat. I can have all I want of it. What I tend to crave are carbs. So, why is that?

I think of two reasons.

One - I love carbs. Carbs, carbs, carbs. Everything sugar and bad foods with carbs are lovely. :)

Two - Consuming a LOT of protein and fat, I might simply be too low on energy due to shortage of carbs.

Shortage of carbs - and thus shortage of energy - was the reason I never succeeded doing Atkins. I tried it once, and quit fast. I absolutely hated it. I thought is was a great sounding approach to weight loss, being able to eat all the foods I liked, meats and all, but boy was I wrong.

Today I see why.

I much prefer IIFYM. I can set up my day to eat pretty much exactly what I feel like on any give day, as long as a few requirements are met. It's SO EASY.

I'm confident that today will be a non-issue day again. I'm feeling good and it should be no problem doing right.

...

Today is gym day. I'm gonna go work out in about 90 minutes. I won't do my long walk - my step counter pretty much tells me that I get my "cardio" in regardless.

I know. It's not "real" cardio. It's just walking, which is low impact. I have no urge to spend hours on the treadmill any more. I honestly don't see it necessary. What IS necessary is the strength training that I do diligently three times per week as I'm supposed to. I love it.

Cardio just gives me more calories burned, to give me more calories to consume. It's a lot easier and comfortable to just consume a few hundred calories less.

This is probably the most important part of the "coming back to a normal life style" of the weight loss journey for me. Getting back to an exercise/food intake level where I don't spend hour after hour struggling to burn calories just to eat them back in.

Moderation both on burn and consuming is key here.

...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- Wife!
- Going to the gym!
- Morning coffee!

Have a great day! Life is good!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
90.8 kg	64.2 kg	5.8 kg	100%

(8 comments) Losing 1.4 kg a Week

18 March 2014

Good morning!

It's ANOTHER fluctuation from Hell!

I'm up two full kilos.

Have to say, I'm getting slightly tired of these crazy fluctuations. These days, it's like nothing is predictable.

I was stressing badly yesterday, and I am sure that is where the biggest factor lies.

I didn't over-eat, though. I stayed in control, but probably didn't make the best choices of foods. I had too much fat, and too much salt, as I was snacking on a bag of pork rinds. I haven't had those in AGES, and I figured it'd be better than sugar (even if fat is twice as calorie dense).

It's ok though. At least my body fat percentage looks GREAT today. lol.

I slept great. I stayed in bed and got a couple of extra hours. I think I needed them.

Today, I feel WAY better. I feel like I'm ready to take on the day again, and good to go. I have my meals planned, and my schedule for the day is good.

...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- A "pretty" body fat precentage. Thank you, fluid fluctuation! ;)
- A good night's sleep.
- Morning coffee.
- Kitty cat insisting on sitting with me as I type.
- Wife!

Life is good!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
91 kg	64 kg	6 kg	Reasonably Well

(10 comments) Gaining 14 kg a Week

17 March 2014

Good morning!

Photos from yesterday's rehearsal are in!

Since we (for now) is downgraded to a power trio with no singer, we asked a photographer friend to stop by and shoot a few pictures of us, for Facebook etc.

The results are pretty damn good. Check it out:

(All photos by Thomas Buchberg)
Should you be in doubt, I'm in the last picture. :)

It's amazing what a great eye and stellar cameras and lenses can do. We're so jused to seeing smartphone pictures these days, and it's just mind blowing how much better this is.

Rehearsal was great. Thomas brought his wife and her sister+boyfriend, and they were lovin' it. We had a great time.

When I came home, Wife had made General Tso's Chicken from scratch! Wow.

This is one of those things. Having moved from the US to Denmark, there is a LOT of foods that we just can't buy, and if we do find them they just don't taste the same.

So Wife has simply learned to make a lot of it from scratch.

This was a first for her, and it came out perfect. We all loved it, and I am sure it will be a regular around here.

Now, if only it didn't have so many calories. LOL. I spend about 1200 calories on dinner yesterday.

It's a good thing that I didn't spend calories on much else, other than SKYR to up my protein intake.

I ended the day at 2100 calories, 900 under my allowance. They'll go in the stack of "extra calories" for when I want a fun day. This, mind you, is after subtracting 500 calories for weight loss. :)

My spreadsheet is being VERY generous to me in regards to calorie allowances these days. This is because of my very active days over the last month or so. I did a LOT more steps and a lot more movement than I normally do.

It'll even out over time. Right now I'm just enjoying that I can be a little more free.

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I need to be in a calorie deficit TODAY if I want to lose some fat. I am sure I am in a deficit at 2100 calories, though. That's pretty obvious.

Since I am in no rush, I just follow my spreadsheet's calculations. This is the best way to make adjustments regardless, to ensure that the spreadsheet is correct too. This is still my biggest concern in all this.

Actually, I'm not concerned with the spreadsheet. I'm concerned about whether my fitbit is too generous handing me calories burned, and thus allowing me to eat too much. I'm still not sure about this.

It's definitely a ball park okay number I get. I just need to find out if it is more beneficial for me to take a slightly lower number, like maybe 95% of it, instead of it all.

I need this to be relatively accurate, at least over time. There will be a time where I want to GAIN weight in order to gain muscle. At this point it is also essential that I don't read the calorie burn too low.

I need it to be as close to the real world as possible.

...

I'm 400g down in weight today.

Overall, though, I'm still slowly gaining weight. And I'm still slowly gaining fat. This is what my 28 days averages tell me. I think I am turning it around though. The reason it tells me that there is still trouble and bad news is because of the many days I have lost control over the last month. My average intake is several hundred calories higher then my average calorie burn. Of course I have gained weight.

Still, I'm turning it around, and I am sure results will show soon.

Today, I - again - have one of those "low fluid" days. It's weird. I have never before had a day where my fluid percentage was less than 60%, and this is the 3rd day in a row. Ever.

I don't really care about that number (other than that it pushes my metabolic age up, which really hurts my pride!), but of course lowering my fluid percentage will up my body fat percentage, as these are relative numbers.

I know that these numbers can fluctuate wildly, but they ARE indicators of thing changing.

Let's see what happens. I am certain that I am on the right track on my calorie intake and macros. It's just a matter of my body adjusting to my changes, and me staying off the high calorie candies. :) Damn candies.

...

I'm proud that I made it through the weekend without stupid snacks. Even Saturday, which was a very quite and passive day. This is typically one of those days where I would binge on sugar. I didn't, and I'm proud of that.

I think it helps me that I stay very satisfied on my foods. I eat what I am allowed, or at the very least the minimum that my body requires.

Another thing is that I try to remember to eat a little more and better on training days. I try to get a little extra carbs in for energy, as I know that the training burns quite a bit extra. Not only while doing it, but also as an after burn. I think it's pretty important to stay energized, and the energy comes from the carbs.

I'm trying to not be scared of having carbs in general. As long as I burn them off, there is no danger in carbs. The worst I can see happening is them holding on to fluid, and I don't care about that. Hell, the worst that could happen would be the fluid hydrating me and my metabolic age going back to 29! :) I wouldn't mind that!

...

So, today is training day. I'm gonna go walk a little bit, then hit the gym.

Again, I'm not gonna walk excessively, but I will take a detour walking to the gym, giving me an extra mile going there, and an extra mile going back.

Then, I'll be active in general though the day. Let's see if that doesn't give me 10,000 steps or more.

If it doesn't, that's fine. I don't want to be obligated to do 10,000 steps, but it's a nice goal. I have so many days where I am much higher, so days with less are just fine.

It's all a matter of finding the level of food intake vs. comfort level that I am comfortable with.

...

At some point I decided that 3,000 calories as a daily allowance was a nice place to be, for maintenance. I think I will still end up there on most days. That's what I see.

The days where I walk a LOT more, I tend to just burn a few hundred calories more, and they are nice to have to up the allowance in general. However, they are also tedious and hard work to earn.

Are they really necessary? Not really? All they do is give me a slightly higher carb allowance, that I would most likely spend on junk eventually.

Walking about 3-4 miles earns me 250 calories. That's a Snickers, regular size, pretty much. Is ONE SNICKERS really worth walking a full hour? I don't think so.

In that case, I'd rather just be a little more laid back and comfortable, and eat good food.

I'm generally active, whether I do the extra walks or not, so I am in no way concerned with not doing extra cardio. In fact, I often fail to see the point to it.

...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- A wonderful weekend!
- The band! So much fun yesterday!
- Wife for being awesome AND an amazing cook!
- Morning coffee!
- Gym day!

Have a great week! Life is good!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
89 kg	66 kg	4 kg	100%

(4 comments) Losing 2.8 kg a Week

16 March 2014

Good morning!

Well, not to any surprise, I'm up a bit in weight.

Two reasons:
1. SUPER low in fluid yesterday.
2. I ate at maintenance level and a little more yesterday.

It wasn't bad at all. I went 120 calories over my maintenance level. It's just like the Indulgence Days. Give it a few days, and the fluid will run off.

My metabolic age is down to 29 again - the lowest it can go on my scale.
I'm happy about that.

...

If we look at me averages from the last week, I see that I haven't done all that well. The few days when I went WAY over has fully cancelled out the days where I did good, along with all the exercise. Boo.

I do feel that I have a much better grip now. Yesterday's higher calorie intake was just to have a relaxing day with no real exercise, and foods that I wanted and liked. There was no candy, no unneccessary sugars or anything really stupid. It was pretty much all just good food, but a little too much of it. I'm ok with that.

...

Today, it's band rehearsal day.

We're looking for a new singer, as the old one quit. Hopefully we'll find a new one soon. It's tedious to play without a singer - I feel like we can never really do what we're intended to do. Still, better than not playing at all.

Trouble is, of course, singers are hard to find.

...

Today will be a short journal, just a quick check-in and weigh-in.

Today, I'm thankful for:
- A good night's sleep. Better than most nights.
- Morning coffee.
- The feeling to no stress when it comes to my diet. I'm confident that things are gonna be fine.
- All food planned out for the day. With a nice, large deficit. :)
- Wife!
- Genral Tso's chicken for dinner tonight! Can't wait!

Have a great Sunday! Life is good!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
89.4 kg	65.6 kg	4.4 kg	Reasonably Well

(3 comments) Gaining 5.6 kg a Week

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