yduj57's Journal

yduj57's Profile | Weight History

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13 September 2014

Up and down a pound or two for about 5 weeks. Can you say plateau?
Investigating options to see what might cause a downward trend again.

Stress has a been a huge factor in my struggles with weight in the last year. My daughter has been struggling with severe depression and anxiety, made worse with an eating disorder that developed when she was away from home last summer. And she was diagnosed on the autism spectrum this past fall. All of these diagnoses reinforce each other in a terrible tangled mess. She has had a full hospitalization, two partial hospitalizations, and several inpatient programs. Plus doctor's visits, therapist, psychiatrist, and more. The eating disorder is better, but still a challenge. And we thought, after some serious problems with various medications, we had finally found a good balance. The depression seemed to finally lift, and the anxiety was more manageable.

But we are actually living in a game of whackamole. She now has been diagnosed with POTS. Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. I suspect she has had it for a long time, but the meds she is taking, are actually making the POTS worse. When it is at it's worse, her blood pressure drops to very, very low levels, and her heart rate is very fast and sometimes irregular. Even when she is resting. When she stands up her BP drops, and her heart rate accelerates. There are a number of experts in the area on this syndrome, but the wait list to see them is several months long. In the meantime we are trying to tweak meds, without triggering the depression too much.

I have become her caretaker over the last year. I am her cook and chauffeur. I am her primary companion because most of her friendships struggled under the weight of her struggles, and now most of those friends are off at college now. She is 18, almost 19. Graduated from high school this June, in spite of all the health issues. She is taking a gap year before attending college. I am not able to do my work (oil painting), but still have the expense of my studio. I get there occasionally, but it is difficult to really get into the work when I am painting so infrequently.

I know when we first started battling the eating disorder I struggled with the sweets that were around the house more as we worked to help her regain some weight. Now I can manage any temptation they might have posed. I no longer want to eat those foods. She is required to have dessert every day on her meal plan, plus lots of grains...9 servings a day. And, she is a vegetarian. So we are eating in completely different ways. Her way of eating makes me very unhealthy. So at each meal, I make two completely different meals. Plus her 2 or 3 required snacks. But I have to be careful that my eating does not trigger her. There are landmines around food scattered all through our day.

I am tired. I am worn out by the everyday demands of this. I know that it is not much compared to the burdens some carry, but it is not the year I expected. Actually, I was supposed to be away at an artist residency this month, while she started college. That has been delayed as well. May ultimately have to be cancelled because I don't see how I am going to pay for it. The medical expenses have been crazy.

This feels whiny. Sorry. Just needed to get it out. I am in a better place now than just a few months ago. My eating is back on track. I am exercising vigorously on a regular basis. I just wish the weight of all of this would be lifted, physically and emotionally.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
127.5 kg	0 kg	36.7 kg	Reasonably Well

(12 comments) Gaining 0.2 kg a Week

05 September 2014

I find sometimes that my greatest success with a challenging goal is a little jujitsu. When it comes to dietary changes, rather than looking at it as a time of deprivation, I look at it as I no longer want to harm my body by eating foods that cause damage, and offer little nourishment. I am taking care of my body and myself by eating foods that give me the nourishment and energy to live my best life. It is an act of love, not an act of denial. I want to be around for as long as possible, living the best life I can. It is easier for me to make my changes more permanent with this subtle but powerful shift in how I think about what I eat. This former sugar junkie is able to just say "no" with very little effort. And I now LOVE brussel sprouts! Go figure. :-)

How do you find your motivation to stick to your plan? Do you do this kind of psychological jujitsu?

(11 comments)

02 September 2014

Happy to read this article today. Reinforced what my own personal experience has been.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/02/health/low-carb-vs-low-fat-diet.html?action=click&contentCollection=Health&region=Footer&module=MoreInSection&pgtype=Blogs

It is taking time, but the news media is starting to see the science. Another decade and perhaps (but probably not) public policy will begin to readjust.

(2 comments)

01 September 2014

Lots of distractions at home from spending too much time here. I had some abdominal pain on Friday, that we are still trying to pin down. Intermittent. Might be gallbladder related. Ultrasound on Wednesday morning.

My DD has been having some negative reactions to meds. Super low BP and high pulse. Scary. Reducing the meds results in worsening of the symptoms they are treating. It has been nearly a year of trying to find a balance. I have been working on my patience and perseverance.

Didn't work out on Friday because of the sharp pains in my abdomen, but felt well enough to work out yesterday. Now I am off by a day, but I am glad I got the workout in. Definitely helping. Down 9 inches since I started the program 8 weeks ago. Glad I took measurements, because there were weeks when the scale didn't budge, but the tape measure did!

Stress eating yesterday. Ate too many nuts. Could have been much, much worse!

(4 comments)

31 August 2014

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
127.0 kg	0 kg	36.3 kg	Reasonably Well

(1 comment) steady weight

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