bethinfriend's Journal

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09 December 2016

I ate pho the other night...first time of the month the I ever ate dinner..I bowl of pho and I gained my weight back ...
that is 3 pounds + on the scale....
I feel so depressed , I look at my body , I look at my face, I wanna kill myself
I tried so hard with all these calorie restrictions...
1 time , just dinner for 1 time I can't forgive myself
I don't go out , I was suppose to go to church today but I feel so bad
I tried so hard ...and it's not working ...
I dont wanna eat anything anymore
If i starve to death
let it be
I'm so scared of food
I use the treadmill for hours
but it doesn't help
if I eat one time , I gain weight
I really don't want this life anymore
I'm suffering .....I want acceptance , I want a boyfriend ...I'm alone 99% of the time.
I feel really really bad ...can someone please talk to me ..I feel so depressed about my weight ....
I feel defeated

(7 comments)

09 December 2016

bad bad day , I think I'm going to have my period in a week ? because I feel like my body feel bloated like a ballon ~
I look at myself in the mirror I look like 3 sizes larger than my actual size :(

So dislike myself , I feel really really fat ...

treadmill is good though , I spend more time on my treadmill than surfing the internet ~not sure if I'll loose any weight doing the treadmill thing but it makes me feel good so I'll be keep doing it .

question , for those of you gym pros , if I walk really fast on the treadmill will that create big muscle on my leg?
I don't want my legs to look bulky I want them to look slim ..

not gonna weight myself ~
I don't care anymore ...
I'm fat :(

(2 comments)

08 December 2016

hey guys! I had such a fun time using my treadmill machine ~ one of the best decision of this year !
I was able to watch tv while exercise on the treadmill ~ and all the exercising and sweating gave me a good sleep ~
really cured my insomnia ^^

Didn't weight myself today but , I made myself a lunch box to bring to starbucks ~
just simply sliced some fruits and tomatoes and added 1/4 teaspoon of organic sea salt :D
I didn't bring my debit card with me to starbucks but I had a few dollars left in my wallet ( 6 dollars to be exact )
so I bought a small box of cooked shredded boar meat and a small bowl of chicken noodle soup from spouts ~
so I basically used up all my money in my wallet :(

About the chicken noodle soup it is sooooo good ! So delicious ! I'm a big fan of chicken noodle soup !
Low calories , good taste ,nothing beats a bowl of hot soup in the winter season (🌑˙꒳˙🌑)

When I go home today I'll be using more treadmill until I go to sleep ~
goal for this month ? 145 pounds !

Everyday treadmill 3+ hrs
NO starch (unless it's chicken noodle soup )
no eat in any restaurant ( only sprouts ! yes sprouts is just so good ...they didn't pay me to say this , but I love them<3)
I was really focused on my study too ! You know how eating a lot makes you sleepy and tired, by eating the right amount I feel really energized and really really positive.

I been skipping dinner for around 2 weeks ? It's really really good! I really recommend this method to all of you lovely people on fat secret , it helps to give your stomach a break because you know your stomach is trying so hard to digest everything before you go to sleep , and if you keeps eating late, it adds extra burden to your stomach ˙³˙⁾◟( ˘•ω•˘ )◞⁽˙³˙⁾ I created this challenge which starts from next Monday , basically it's a no dinner after 5pm challenge .

Join me if you are interested (ᅌᴗᅌ* )

(3 comments)

07 December 2016

What?another journal for today?
hehe~ today is like my cheat day I eat whatever I'm not suppose to eat (artificial sugar , salty food etc)
but ! I went to the store and tried on a few pieces of cloth , and I realized hey my body shape is not that bad!
Not bad at all ! I have small head , wide shoulders, short torso and long legs ~ i'm 5'6'' (which is almost 168cm tall) and my waist is 28 (even though I weight 160+ pounds ,and I'm a D cup girl ) ◟( •ω•　 )◞

I think I start to love my self image more and more ~ don't give a shit about what others think ~
I bought two jackets which look really nice on me ~ I'm asian but I have curves ! ( ゜∀゜) that is one more thing to be happy about ~

Need to keep up the good work for the rest of December , my goal is to go down to 150 pounds by the end of this month ! When I'm down to 110 pounds I'll be really happy about my body and I'll stop ! Ⴚტ◕‿◕ტჂ

(1 comment)

07 December 2016

HI forum , it's me again ~
So I've lost a few pounds during my steady weight stage ,but
I have a really really big issue now ~
that is I don't eat healthy at all ..
I only eat one meal a day so I basically eat whatever I want, today I had a big bowl of J&J bbq , ( rice+ bbq chicken+ bbq beef+ bbq rib+some veggie) it's like a huge portion , I finished all the meat but I couldn't finish all the rice in the bowl ( which is a good thing and actually my stomach was already full when I finish the first piece of beef rib in the bowl but that crave for delicious meat makes me wanna keep eating :(
I'm the kind of person who has absolutely 0 self control , so I use external force to control myself .
This might sound crazy but ..
I shred all my credit cards so I couldn't eat in a restaurant ,
I empty my fridge so I couldn't eat much at home ( I put some fruits in my fridge though so I can only eat fruits when I'm at home)
but ! recently I being carrying my debt card and this is bad ! If i have money I always eat outside! so the only solution for me is to just shred my debt card or lock my debt card away so I have no access to it and I'll be okay.
I don't know if any of you are like me and you have 0 self control and self discipline to the point that you just can't control yourself :( let me know in the comments below ~
I know I write long ass journals , but I just have a lot to say everyday ~
My treadmill just arrived this morning so when I get back home today I'll have to put it together and start doing treadmill , another thing I been trying to do is to just stand after I eat , I don't stand while I eat , I just do it after I eat because when I stand while I eat I feel really weird idk why ~and I think this way my tummy accumulates less fat? (correct me if i'm wrong )

plan for tomorrow 1
1. lock my card , put it at home , only carry my starbucks card when I go out .
2. Bring a lunch box to starbucks , put whatever is in the fridge ( fruits) in my lunch box and just eat that
3. Whatever I do when i'm at home , do it while walking on the treadmill !
4. force myself to sleep around 11:30pm

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
73.5 kg	8.2 kg	29.9 kg	Reasonably Well

(4 comments) Losing 2.1 kg a Week

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