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Breathing now. I feel like I am erupting from a whirlwind of a week. I blogged yesterday (and the past few days really) about my children. I love them both dearly. But, I recognize that coddling them as I have done is not doing them any justice. I'm not sure if maybe I have overcompensated with my son due to feeling partial responsibility that he had to grow up the majority of his life in a single-mom home or maybe I just have some inner desperation to always be approved which has made me an utter wimp when it comes to setting my foot down with those I love. Whatever the reason, I am slowly coming to peace with snipping the umbilical cord.
I haven't written about work lately but it has been ridiculously stressful. Yesterday was a long day which began at 700 am and did not end until 1 am this morning with mostly a short break here and there for me to whine, complain and vent frustrations about my children anonymously on here. I had a deadline for a brief of 800 am this morning which I did ultimately meet. And, I had two trials this week. Short one day trials, but mentally exhausting nonetheless. I am glad to have the brief, trials and other work that was looming over my head behind me now. I know I will always have fires that I have to rush to put out, deadlines to meet, and people who I will never be able to please no matter how much effort I put into my job.
This morning it occurred to me that I need to prioritize myself. I need to run 5 miles this evening regardless of what brief is due, what trial I have the next day, or what my teens are failing to do. I struggle with guilt when I put myself above others. I feel particularly selfish when I buy myself a dress for $40 in a month yet I am handing out Benjis weekly to a 17 year old who seems to forget his last name is not Kardashian. Did he love me any less when the purse was empty? No.
I thought that I might do a fasting day today since things are a tad slower paced. But, I am feeling pretty nauseated...maybe from lack of sleep or stress. Or, maybe I just need to eat. My hunger cues are slightly screwed up with the schedule I have been keeping this week.
To keep things in perspective for me, here are a few things I am thankful for:
1. My husband.
2. My parents.
3. My Labrador Retriever Mix.
4. My kids. (Ok, ok. I get that I put them after the dog. I'm still a little angry with them.)
5. I have tenants in both of my rental houses and one tenant does in fact pay. On time even.
6. All of my bills for the month of January have been paid.
7. The vehicles are paid off and they currently run.
8. Ininji toe socks keep my toes blister-free for running.
9. I have groceries.
10. There is only one and a half days left between now and the weekend.
I've been in much worse places than I am in now in my life. I made it through. Most of the things that have overwhelmed me lately are trivial compared to what others go through daily. I'm cognizant of just how much worse things could be right now. But, I also realize that I need to focus on things that bring me inner peace right now. I think the first step is letting go and letting others make their own mistakes and fix their own problems.
For those of you who taking the time to read all of this, I appreciate your comments and support. And, as always, I wish you luck on your journey towards healthy living.
2MC
View Diet Calendar, 30 January 2014:
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1255 kcal
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Fat: 52.53g | Prot: 71.04g | Carbs: 128.31g.
Lunch: Smart Ones Smart Beginnings French Toast with Turkey Sausage. Dinner: Green Peppers, Onions, Shrimp, Sour Cream, Guacamole, El Popular Chorizo, Beef Steak (Lean Only Eaten), Chicken Breast, Refried Beans (Canned), Mexican Rice, Tortilla Corn Chips, Moe's Southwest Grill Pico De Gallo (Cup), Corn Tortilla. more...
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2265 kcal
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Exercise:
Walking (exercise) - 3.5/mph - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 22 hours and 30 minutes. more...
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